Sounds like your life is busy, filled with good things.

Good luck with shabbos plans - sometimes, just going along with someone else can be fun...

Must be something wrong with me. cuz that sounds like an eventful day to me! :D :D :D :D I usually dont do half those things in a day. Oh well.......

Today was AMAZING. I felt like a little kid again, waking up to two or three inches of snow on the ground, and hearing "No school today." Hurray! Snow Day!

It was awesome. I haven't had that much fun outside in ages. I think I played outside for over two hours with some buddies, just messing around with snow, building junk, fighting, tackling, doing boy fun activities. So that was good. The only thing missing was a roaring fireplace, mugs of hot cocoa, and a big screen TV with some kooky family movie playing. I guess that's more than one thing.

But yeah, it was good. I even learned today for an extra two hours or so, and I had no homework, and I'm THROUGH with studying for the exam, so THERE! Anyway, the yetzer is leaving me alone for a while BH, so I'll let him sleep through the winter hopefully.

Still no maskana on Shabbos.

Day 19: Very good job, NOYA! A+ for you. And good work taking some time off and having fun.

keep on trucking noya.  so glad you are doing well!!!

Had a normal day today. I feel like I need some closure on the zman so far because there are two things in my life that have built up a lot of pressure, and I can't wait to get rid of them. One of them is the test I'm taking on Sunday IYH. The second is that I'm attempting to do soemthing tough [edit]
Starting Monday we'll be back to compeltely normal IYH, and I'm looking forward to that.

I feel a little woozy right now, and I feel a little bit of lust circulating iny my body. I'm not sure why, but I'll ignore it.

I just wrote out another paragraph and deleted it because it was too lurid. Anon knows who I am so I don't want to say whatever I wrote. Ummm, so have a good Shabbos everyone, and love you all, and see you again probably on Monday, when I let you know how my test went!

Day 20: Pretty good!

Uch! What a bad day to end the night. So the rabbi who was supposed to test me just ditched me instead to go to someone's vort. Then I hocked around trying to figure out flights for Pesach, and I clicked on something I shouldn't have and saw something I shouldn't have for a few seconds, and now I'm lonely and want to act out. Wonderful. Good going, NOYA.

Well, nah, I don't feel like I was really triggered, but I'm upset at the rabbi. Stood me up. This whole week is full of cancellations I tell ya.

Have a good Shabbos everyone! I'll keep on trucking if you keep on trucking!

Aw come on NOYA. Why does it matter if I know you? I post in my thread without any consideration for the fact that you are reading it. Fair is fair, no? :D

Keep up the great work, and don't be embarrassed. There's no reason for it I tell ya!!

P.S.
I'm loving K9 right now. I thought being "controlled" might annoy me, but I'm really enjoying it instead. I can't even light the match to throw on the gasoline, because that thingie used to strike the match has been taken away from me. :D

Hey NOYA!!!!! Sounds like your really doing great!!! And yeah bad Rabbi. But hey arent all Rabbis bad?!?   :D :D :D

Anyways keep on rollon my friend. Seems like your keeping yourslef really busy. Im noticing you havent hung aroud my threads recently!!!

Have an awesome shabbos!

And never forget, I LOVE YOU MAN!!!!!!

Keep on trucking.  Have a great Shabbos!!

It's never fun to be stood up and canceled on, especially when it's by a rebbe, or someone else that we feel we should be able to rely on.

And double that feeling if, like in your situation, you were hoping to get rid of a bad feeling of stress.

Opening up to the people we know is extremely powerful, and I find that it gives me both clarity and freedom!

BARUCH HASHEM!!!!

BIG BAD TEST: 0

NOYA: 1!

I DOMINATED TODAY!!! I DESTROYED that thing and it feels so good knowing all that hard work paid off. I feel so stress free and light as a feather even though I have a few other things to do, but they're not nearly as big and ominous as this test was, so a ton of stress just got lifted off of me. Wow! I haven't felt this good in a long long time.

Shabbos was pretty good, and fine, Anon, I'll tell you about my lurid trigger. The person I stayed at has this very adorable and precocious 5 year old sister who LOVES me, and follows me everywhere and always is crawling all over me and playing with me, etc. you get the picture. So it's not like she triggers me as if I want to do anything to her - at least I tell myself that so I can live with myself, but I guess it's the love she has for me that I want from a grown up woman, and it makes me want to be married so I can have a relationship with someone who loves and cherishes me (hopefully in a more mature way . But, yeah, I got a little "triggered" over Shabbos, as I suspected might happen, so I guess I'll not go back to his house for a while, until I feel like I'm really sober. Maybe after 90 days.

Anyway, despite being a little triggered, and having the usual Shabbos urges (especially because I took a rest in the afternoon - major no no) I maintained control over myself with G-d's help and didn't slip or fall. So Baruch Hashem I'm holding at a strong 23 days of sobriety right now, which is the most I've had in a long time, and may I have many many more.

I took myself out to celebrate the victory of my test, and enjoyed a delicious steakhouse hamburger (they're really really good, almost as good as the steak), vegetable soup, and a heineken. And I also discovered on my way back from the test, inside a NYC taxi, a few things. First of all, taxis have TV's in them now and GPS, so my poor eyes saw like three pritzusdik commercials in a row (bits and pieces because I was trying to look away), until I realized that I could turn it off, so I did. And I also spoke with the cabbie and realized how tired and poor goyim really are. The poor guy works for 16 to 20 hours a day, and has absolutely no meaning in his life. I don't understand how people can live without a clear idea of what life is about and without a motivation to become better and more spiritual people. I felt bad for him.

But I'm back now, and ready to rock. I think I'll watch an episode of a show. After learning a shtickl of course.

Peace!

Day 23: Kicking the YH's tuchus outta here one day at a time!

NOYA wrote on 15 Feb 2010 02:42:
Owwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!! That hurts!!! waddya think, im made out of steel??

Keep it rollin my friend. One day at a time and well get there, youll see.

Great news Noya!!  Keep on trucking.  I love that you are trying to stay positive.

Fantastic on all counts - and by the way, your experience with the 5 year old sounds normal - it gives you a picture of the type of house you want to have. Kids are great for making us feel wanted and needed. Use that in a positive sense! If you feel it triggers you too much, though, then trust yourself, and stay away for now.

And yes, ninjas DO kick tuchus.

Glad to hear that you're doing well, and even gladder to hear that you feel good about yourself!

Hey sci,

Yeah, positive thinking is pretty key. The moment we let ourselves get down it's very bad news.

And kemmon IT, you're not the yetzer hara! The yetzer hara doesn't need a walker to get around!

And silentbattle, ninjas are so so amazing. I hope I turn into a ninja after 90 days.

Anyway, on a more serious note I bought the Big Book today from amazon, and I'll tune in to Duvid Chaim's group. It sounds very interesting and should be self enlightening.

Today was a good day. Hopefully Wednesday we start a new sugya and we can get the ball rolling again major time. My classes are starting to get pretty tough, so I have to up my game on that. I still have to challenge a class and have to get that other edited thing out of the way. Bottom line: I have no time to think of aveiros. I wish I had some more time that I could use tohave more fun [edit], or at least just play it...

Day 24: Keeping it going, BH.