BARUCH HASHEM!!!!
BIG BAD TEST:
0 NOYA:
1! I DOMINATED TODAY!!! I DESTROYED that thing and it feels so good knowing all that hard work paid off. I feel so stress free and light as a feather even though I have a few other things to do, but they're not nearly as big and ominous as this test was, so a ton of stress just got lifted off of me. Wow! I haven't felt this good in a long long time.
Shabbos was pretty good, and fine, Anon, I'll tell you about my lurid trigger. The person I stayed at has this very adorable and precocious 5 year old sister who LOVES me, and follows me everywhere and always is crawling all over me and playing with me, etc. you get the picture. So it's not like she triggers me as if I want to do anything to her - at least I tell myself that so I can live with myself, but I guess it's the love she has for me that I want from a grown up woman, and it makes me want to be married so I can have a relationship with someone who loves and cherishes me (hopefully in a more mature way
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/smile.png)
. But, yeah, I got a little "triggered" over Shabbos, as I suspected might happen, so I guess I'll not go back to his house for a while, until I feel like I'm really sober. Maybe after 90 days.
Anyway, despite being a little triggered, and having the usual Shabbos urges (especially because I took a rest in the afternoon - major no no) I maintained control over myself with G-d's help and didn't slip or fall. So Baruch Hashem I'm holding at a strong 23 days of sobriety right now, which is the most I've had in a long time, and may I have many many more.
I took myself out to celebrate the victory of my test, and enjoyed a delicious steakhouse hamburger (they're really really good, almost as good as the steak), vegetable soup, and a heineken. And I also discovered on my way back from the test, inside a NYC taxi, a few things. First of all, taxis have TV's in them now and GPS, so my poor eyes saw like three pritzusdik commercials in a row (bits and pieces because I was trying to look away), until I realized that I could turn it off, so I did. And I also spoke with the cabbie and realized how tired and poor goyim really are. The poor guy works for 16 to 20 hours a day, and has absolutely no meaning in his life. I don't understand how people can live without a clear idea of what life is about and without a motivation to become better and more spiritual people. I felt bad for him.
But I'm back now, and ready to rock. I think I'll watch an episode of a show. After learning a shtickl of course.
Peace!
Day 23: Kicking the YH's tuchus outta here one day at a time!