Putting #3 aside, both pornography and masturbation feed the LUST ADDICTION in the same way alcohol feeds the alcoholic addiction. Chazal say, "the more you feed it, the more you need it". When we masturbate, we are fantasizing. In SA they call masturbation "sex with self". The sobriety definition in SA includes "no sex with self". They understand how addictive and destructive this is. When we fantasize and masturbate, we are essentially viewing porn in our minds. It is exactly - if not more - addictive than viewing pornography, and it is just as destructive (if not more), to our emotional and mental health, and to your "future" marriage.

Keep up the good work!

See............ i told you Guard has what to say on that. Hes so on the mark. May we never have to realize what this can bring on us.

Hey all,

Gut Voch to everyone! I had a fantastic Shabbos - I went to the mikvah on Friday after I got a haircut and managed to avoid seeing any pritzus both there and back by removing my glasses and taking not crowded streets. I learned a ton over Shabbos and felt really spiritual and good about myself over the whole Shabbos, and I didn't nap too, which is important because Shabbos afternoon in bed usually means trouble.

So I'm feeling great, I'm glad to see imtrying25 is doing well too, and ready to tackle another week.

Chazak Chazak!

Oh, and thanks guard for enlightening me to that. I didn't realize that masturbating is assur lifi the SA too. Interesting. Okay, onwards with life!

Hey,

I have a really nice dvar torah that I said over Friday night.

[Dvar Torah removed because it is identifying]

Anyway, as for me and how I'm doing. Today is Day 13 (Wow, racking them up fast!) and today I had a few slightly more powerful hirhurim come to me. I also saw an inappropriate magazine cover accidentally, but succeeded in not taking a second look, which is something I have a major problem doing usually. It just is so magnetic to my eyes...

Anyway, snapping all that out of my mind, right now I feel good. Posting, listening to some smooth jazz, and about to enjoy a nice little dinner with some friends. Chazak!

Trouble's brewing.

I am tired now, and earlier today I longed for some female companionship, just emotional of course.

Then I saw some girls from some seminary online that were on a page I shouldn't have been on, but I x'ed it off. And then I saw someone looking at inappropriate pictures online in a library. So I've had little stimulations to my eyes all day, and I recognize that that's trouble. I'm still okay, and not in that much trouble yet. But I need to bring these very real problems into the open and not pretend as if this was a perfect day.

In addition to these tzoros, I am a bit of an academic perfectionist, so I'm mad at myself for getting part of a problem on a quiz wrong today that I should have known how to do. So the yetzer hara uses that feeling to try to get me sad. Mamash a ben chayil mepanim veachor. What is silly is that at worst I got a 90 on the quiz, which isn't bad at all.

Day 14 wrapping up, confident for a better performance tomorrow. And I have another quiz tomorrow too, so hopefully I'll do better on that.

Hey Noya,

Just read some of your thread. very inspiring. your doing so great and Hashem is looking down and smiling. I too have a test tommorrow but B'H i am feeling great because I am going to let Hashem take the test for me I'll just do the writing. If you want some chizuk or to just talk my email is Yiddle2@gmail.com we can do gchat or email or nothing. whatever you want. Good Luck!

-INH

Noya whats up. Keep up the great work. AND KEEP POSTING! It will help you alot and us too. Important; dont allow your marks to get you up or down. Your job is to study and do the material. What happens on the test is not in your control. As long as you do yours thats what counts. So keep on pedaling. Lets do this together. Had a rough day yesterday too but B"H i made it. Today is 15 like you. Tov shnayim min haechad. Or something like that. :D

I'm bothered by something I did last night. I went on this website that connects you to talk with a random stranger, and the YH talked me into going there because I was bored and it was just talking to strangers, fun stuff. I really knew that the real reason I was there is I was hoping to have an inappropriate conversation with a girl. Sof sof the night ended up with me saying some navlus hapeh, asking girls inappropriate questions, insulting them, and them disconnecting and not wanting to talk to me because I was caustic to them.

So in the end of the game I didn't really have cyber sex because the girls disconnected instead of getting into it, so I didn't end up doing anything physically wrong afterwards, and I didn't arouse myself really either because they didn't respond in an erotic way, but rather disconnected, but I still feel so dirty from asking them questions. So I don't know if that's considered a fall or not. I don't think it is because I didn't get aroused from it - just got disgusted with myself before any arousal kicked in.

Do I have to start the count over again?

Thanks for the chizuk guys, by the way. I feel lousy right now, but a little better after seeing you guys post to me.

The YH is trying to use his primary weapon on me - yiyush and depression. He wants me to consider what I did last night to be a terrible fall and for me to think that I'm a terrible person and I have to start all over with it. But I asked someone to consider what happened, and he labeled it a slip and not a fall. A bad slip, yes, but not a fall. So what the yetzer hara tries to do is fascinating. He seduces you to do an aveira, and then he turns the table on you and makes you feel bad about doing what he wanted you to do to begin with.

Well, guess what? (Inspiring music kick in) I'm NOT LISTENING TO YOU, you two faced slime ball! I'm a ben torah and a good guy, and it may be true that you made me slip last night, but I'm over that. I know it won't happen again and I'm not going to let you ruin the rest of my day. I'm going to listen to a chazara shiur over again, and I'll get to the bottom of the sugya without you whispering in my ear, thank you very much. You're going down today you jerk!

Day 15 will be a great kiddush Hashem with Hashem's help!

Great attitude Noya. With an attitude like that your gonna make it really far. So keep it up. Were all in this together and were all here for eachother. This is the most important factor of all. So keep on truckin.

Don't worry about that site. I know what it is, and you didn't even DO anything. You only slightly HOPED something would happen. Don't fall for this trick; I fell for it more times than I can count, but it doesn't happen anymore. Once you learn not to degrade yourself, even when you have a real fall, you will be able to get even further. Your attitude is right where it needs to be. I'm sure that with time you'll get where you want to go. Keep up the good work!

Noya,

You're doing wonderfully! Don't get yourself down, you seem like a pretty great guy. I sometimes tend to overthink things and I shouldn't cause its not worth the effort. Don't over think it, just keep on going down the right path!!!!!

Struggla

You guys are the greatest. Thank you so much for the support! The rest of the day was decent. I didn't put very much effort into today at all to tell you the truth. Just sort of took it easy. I had a desire to see a woman and just enjoy her beauty, and I looked at a picture of some tznius girls on a brochure, but i wasn't like lustfully gazing at them. It was more like enjoying a glass of wine for me, getting hanaah from female looks.

Obviously that's wrong and assur also, and I shouldn't have done that, but I let the YH get the best of me. I snapped out of it after like 10 seconds, but this kind of thing really shouldn't be happening. Well, worse has been done, that's for sure.

Tomorrow will be hard, but I'll truck on. Oooh, and I'm going home for Thanksgiving! I know that I'm growing because I'm not looking forward to the trip back, having to expose myself to the filth of the street and the subway, but I'll do my best to not look at anything, even though I know there will be tons of indecent billboards blaring at me from every direction.

I used to mamash look forward to those opportunities to seeing flesh. I guess my trepidation is a good sign...

From your post its obvious that your shteiging. ALOT! Keep up the good work. And enjoy your weekend. Maybe ya can send me sum turkey out here in israel. ;D Say a prayer before you get on that train and then officially give the fight over to Hashem. Your gonna make it NOYA you will.

Hey everyone! I had a really good day overall. In shiur I did well today, except at the end when the Rebbe blasted me to pieces, but I'm over it.

In class I ACED myquiz. Perfect score. I'm very happy about that.
I'm also going to be home a bit earlier than expected, so I won't have any problem getting to mincha when I'm home. Hurray!

Hashem allowed me to have an easy day in taivah, Blessed be He. No nisyonos so far, no hirhurim.

I'll eat lots of turkey for those who don't do the thanksgiving thing.

Peace!