Day 7 -  unbelievable...

Luria wrote on 15 Nov 2009 17:13:


7 = shaleim teva
8 = lemaalah min hateva

You can do it!

Hey Luria today was day 6. DONT DARE LET ME CATCH UP TO YOU!!!! Most things in life im a leader but in this im willing to be a follewer. Whatever it takes!!!!

imtrying25 wrote on 15 Nov 2009 22:07:


Yea you might be the follower but think about it  - the only reason I'm one day ahead of you is that I "fell" one day before you... So IMTrying, you're  the real leader here

Either way see you at the top!!

Working in the school library on a project on a computer with with no filter and I could not believe some of the pics coming up on a completely ( and I actually mean it this time) innocent search.

Made me realize that even though using the computer in a public place might make it hard to take that second look, I can't  give myself the opportunity to take even that first glance.

Even if it won't lead to acting out or any "slips" or "falls", and nothing to do with any addiction - but just for the sake of my neshama itself - the little guy is caked in filth, I gotta help clean him up...

Guys I need some serious advice.

I can see the first signs of myself starting to slip. It might be immediate or take a few days but it always seems to be down hill to an outright fall from this point. I've beeen going through the 12 steps daily but I feel like I need some actual real live communication with other people .

The phone groups seem out of the question though because
1) It is a long distance call and will be expensive and
2)more importantly I cant think of any place where I could have the privacy I need for it.

Anyone have any ideas?

Do you have an accountability partner or sponsor? If not I strongly suggest it.

Perhaps there are live SA groups in your area? Real intraction is somethig Dov speaks about often.

And post! Let us be there for you.

Good luck!

I really think the real life interaction would help - hearing peoples stories and being able to share mine.

But I have big hesitations about going  From a non-religious perspective for  the most part my addiction isnt especially insidious. In the past whenever I felt the pull I could always manage to give in without it affecting my work, grades in school, social life etc. For example, if I knew I had a deadline approaching I could push off my taaivas for a day or 2, and get the job done, before giving in. So I'd feel a little silly going into a meeting with people that this problem has caused serious problems in their life.

I've always living a real and  fulfilling life - minus the few minutes each day I'd give in.

I've recently realized it may have had other effects on me from a religious perspective but I dont know if that would be understood/ apprerciated at an SA meeting.

i don't think SA meeting are only for those whose live are ruined. Any addiction is damaging and everyone understands that. also it has the potential to ruin one's life since it can grow. Guilt itself is insidious. I had many a Shabbos disturbed in my mind by what I  saw during the week.

Luria wrote on 20 Nov 2009 16:19:

one of the problems with sa meetings is that people think youve got to be totally lost in order to join one. Why not join before the problem gets out of hand. Youll say it wont. Well maybe not but isnt that something all alcoholics said at one point or another. Now im not saying its gonna get worse. What im saying is why do people push off the best medicine till theres no choice. Why not do it now. And not take the chance that maybe it will get worse. Just some two cents....

As per Rabbi Twerski's guidance, in GYE we suggest starting with the phone conferences first. If that proves not to be enough and the addiction is getting worse, then we suggest SA groups. Please follow the tools of the GYE handbook in progressive order... G-d luck!

What the heck!!!

I was at a kiddush this week in shul and how in the world am I supposed to watch my eyes when surrounded by attractive girls dressed so provocatively all around me??

I'm usually Mr. Social at these events but this was too much of a sensory overload for me. i had to walk out with my eyes looking down at the groundwhile trying to look normal. what do u guys do by these events??

i just wish I was a normal boy sometimes...

"Normal" is a very subjective statement nowadays Luria.
Aim for Kadosh.
Keeping your eyes down at that kiddush has already put you up  on the Kadosh charts!
Why not just go home and make kiddish at home alone next time?

Great job!

Luria, I admire you, But I don't know what kind of crowd you mix with. At Kiddushin that I attend i am never "surrounded" by females, We have a mechitza. i am not trying to be "holier then thou" but some people mix with others that are not careful to separate the genders and that can cause problems. Maybe Hashem wants you to change the company you keep. Also, 10 years having a problem is pretty hard to deal with although I have been wrestling with this since I can remember in much the same way as you have. I have been living my life and wondering all the time if others are suffering like me. Its only since i have been on this site that i have discovered that i am an addict and am learning how to deal with it. It sure isn't easy.  You can read my posts on "victory" if you are interested although I am not sure if we are similar cases. I haven't read your whole topic but i felt like jumping in and posting wherever i could since it helps me stay clean

7 Up, you're right - Ill aim for Kadosh - If I can be that I'll be more than happy

And Rashk -I havent rread through your whole thread yet but I think we have enough in common - but your posts here definitely help me out - so I'm happy they help you too.

Yea our kiddushim range from a mechitza, with lots of mingling near the entrances to no mechitza but men and women officially on separate ends of the room ( as was this last one). I didnt mean I was "surrounded" by girls lol. I meant that there are girls all around  dressed in a manner although probably called tznius halachlically, definitely not in a modest fashion. Im not socializing with them whatsover at these events but I just have trouble keeping my eyes from constantly checking them out