Thanks Dov for taking your time out and answering my pesky questions. I really appreciate it and i gain so much every time you post like that. ( I think ill keep bothering you just so i can get more of those :D ;D.) Now although through some of your posts you made me feel like i was a little on the slow side im okay with it because i just want to learn more about what im involved in here with my addiction. And hey Eizehu chacham halomed mikol adam. especially someone like you.
But most of all i think im getting a much deeper and fuller understandong of the whole situation. And for that all i can say is THANK YOU.

Truth is, I'm super slow in my own way, and sadly slow in areas that most others aren't. Nu, we all have our pek'l to schlep. Thanks for your encouragement - it means a lot to me, imtrying!

I slipped up pretty big this morning and now im feeling the effect of it. I sure hope that it doesnt turn into a fall. Funny because i was sick this whole week home, and every day went by in a breeze. Usually when im sick its the worse days for me. But today im finally back to regular schedule and it feels harder. Sometimes i just cant figure it all out. If your out there and have a couple of moments to drop by and give me some chizuk, it would be appreciated.

Im glad to hear that you are feeling better physically at least.

Slip slidding is a very unpleasant feeling isnt it?
Like the ground isnt sturdy under your feet.
And that sneaky yh keeps changing the rules
as soon as you figure out the pattern,
he up and switches everything!

Show him who's boss!
But first make sure that you yourself remember who is!

Let go, and let G-d!

Sometimes you can ride. Sometimes you have to get off the bike and push. Sometimes you slip and fall down. But when you do, make sure you don't slide DOWN the mountain. The fall doesn't take you anywhere but onto the floor. It's up to you whether you let yourself slide down or just get back up and continue. Look down the mountain. See how far you've come. Smile.  :D

P.S. And it's always more fun when you're with all your friends pushing their bikes up the mountain along side you. When you need help, they lend a hand, and when they need help, you lend a hand. TOGETHER we'll reach the summit!

                                                                                        TODAY


Today is the day.
Today is the day i was waiting for.
Today is day number one.
Although today is day 10 in my climb to 90, today in a way is number one.
Today is my first hard day.
Today started with a slip.
Today continued with a slip.
Today was the internal struggle between me and my addction, that i knew was coming sooner or later.
Today is here.
Today is now.
That means im in the struggle that today brings with itself.
But........ Today is the day im going to pull through.
Today is not going to be like so many other todays.
Today im going to fight.
Today i fought in the morning.
Today i fought in the afternoon.
Today im fighting as i write this word.
And........Today im going to win!!!

You are Hashem's deeply loved child.
He looks at you from inside your own eyes and heart, even in your painful inner struggles, and smiles.
Because He knows you are already a winner.
We are winners because we are loved by Him and everything is going to be alright, no matter what.
Don't believe any lies lust tells you to the contrary.

Lust tells us that life is not worth a dime if we don't give in to a temptation! Then it tells us we aren't worth a dime when we do!
At times like that, we need emunah p'shuta that we are winners and Hashem is already taking perfect care of us without our "help", period!

Love,
Dov

Dov i knew you were going to be the first one to respond to my post. You always say the right thing and the things i need to hear at that moment. Thanks for being there for me. It makes me feel better knowing that i have you with me in this struggle.

dov wrote on 05 Nov 2009 17:44:


I have a feeling we will be seeing the above in a email, one day.
a.k.a ACE

kutan knows me too well 

Beautiful post by ImTrying - and awesome truth by Dov.

Keep pushing that bike, Hashem is pushing behind YOU!

Hello Everybody. I fell today. It all happened so quick i couldnt stop it before it was over. But the reaction was different than the usual. I wasnt depressed. I didnt feel down. I just turned off the computer and continued doing other things. I didnt feel like i needed more. I didnt feel like i wanted more. I didnt get the feeling like i lost it anyways let me get the most bang for my buck. All these feelings are things ive felt in the past. This time i just picked myself up told myself i fell and said ok lets start over. Im trying to figure out if this reaction is healthy. Is it coming from something good or is it a bad sign. it didnt kill my whole day like it usually does. Or is it because i feel like im getting places?? Is it because i feel like there are so many people out there who care for me and only want the best for me?? My rest of my day actually went pretty good. And im looking foward to tomorrow to being the first day, again, but hopefully the last first day.

Its soooooooooooooooooooooo quiet here, that sometimes i get the feeling that im talking to myself . Hope im not waking anybody up. Sorry for disturbing the peace.

imtrying25 wrote on 09 Nov 2009 18:29:


Sorry for leaving you all alone with your victory. You are so right; we should all be in here celebrating with you!
This is the perfect example of "fell shmell" -
the fall is not what the yh was after. The ensuing depression and self condemnation was his real goal.
But you deprived him of his voctory,
and more than that,
you came right over to GYE to announce your success,
thus giving others chizuk too!

What a loser!
menuval; you're old news.
imtrying25 has you beat!

ImTrying (and anyone else reading this who has a fall and wants to get back up quickly)

This "fall recovery" instruction list was given to me by a brilliant and holy rabbi - although the information is nothing new.

1) Move your lips and actually say the words. "I did it.  I regret it.  I never want to do it again"  (Make sure you mean it when you say it)

2) Go to the mikvah.  For those without easy access to a mikvah, oceans and lakes are just as good, sometimes better.  Many hold that rivers work too (see Rabbeinu Tam, who allowed river immersion even for the more stringent case of married women removing their niddah status)

3) Say the Tikkun HaKlali  Ten Psalms in this order:  16, 32, 41, 42, 59, 77, 90, 105, 137, 150

4) Be happy!  G-d loves you and wants you to succeed!


I'm sure many of the people in this forum know all of these steps already.  However, just in case someone new stumbles in and happens to read this post before he finds this information elsewhere on the site - maybe after 120 years on this Earth, I'll find out that I helped someone do the mitzvah of tshuvah and repair the spiritual damage done by spilling seed.

Hi ImTrying, it sounds from your reaction to your fall that you are making GOOD PROGRESS in your attitude.

Also, today's Chizuk e-mail was particularly appropriate for you... Hope it helped!