Thanx Rabbeinu that post reallt made me understand my matziv better. So far im doing good hope to make it through.

If you've got some time, read through threads from the beginning. Its really pretty interesting.
I'm trying to convince Guard to publish a book.
So far no luck.

The GYE vision has lots of books on the Horizon... But for that, we'll need a lot more man-power and a lot more $$... But don't worry... I'm confident Hashem will help us get there one day...

Maybe these stories can help:

www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=861

www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=176

www.guardureyes.com/GUE/Stories/HorStory1.asp

Dear R' Guard - I liked Esther's story the best.
Thanks,
Dov

I liked yours best!  ;D

Hey, this is not a fair fight. You've got the bayonett and scary shtreimel, and I'm just 10 months old and pudgy! Waaaaaa!!!!!! :'(

Reb Dov, I promise not to hurt you with the Streimel.

BTW. Last time I tried to hurt someone with the bayonet, I ended up making a hole in the wall... Bayonets aren't very useful when your eyes are covered!

Who needs da bicycle ? Let all ur packages go. All your old tools are to be discarded. Sometimes its our old thought/habits that weigh us down. Just go up an up...
And in my pic, I have a chairlift, which I'm gona use right now, since  i fell back to the bottom again

imtrying25 wrote on 29 Oct 2009 12:11:



:)knew dat witout 9 sistas :o :D

Hey Dov what do you mean when you write this. Do you mean that you put emphasis on learning and davening aside in order to work full force on your addiction?




Hey my bicycle is what i use to help me climb just like you use the chairlift.

imtrying25 wrote on 02 Nov 2009 08:57:

Hi, Trying!
Not really. What it means is that I made my priority doing whatever it takes to stay sober today. I wouldn't call it "working on my addiction", because for me, that puts too much power into my ego. After all, my addiction was really working on me. I did my part to live right: worked the steps with my sponsor, went to meetings regularly, and acted like I was really sick, cuz I am. And just doing that, made me change and slowly get healthier. I give all the credit for any improvement in myself to two things: Hashem and, l'havdil, my addiction. For me, it's like gravity: you get stronger and stronger just by walking around and not falling on your butt. But you have to be walking, not just standing there and "trying not to fall".
You can see how concentrating on "not acting out" can short-circuit the entire thing, because it's a sure way to keep me living in the problem, rather than in the solution.
It just so happenned that in my case, the davening became wierd and I lost my cheshek for some reason. (In older posts I offerred reasons for that, to be menachem those who are going bonkers in that phase, and to light a fire under them, too!) B"H, I didn't let that scare me away from staying the course. I knew that if I retained the deep kavonoh and remained an active, progressing sexaholic, it'd be "a gold ring in the nose of a pig". Worse than worthless, in my case, cuz I would have destroyed my life and taken my wife and children down with me. Oh, and all the way while davening with great kavono! Really. Some frum people may have told me then that my emptiness in davening must mean I was "not on the derech", and I believe that advice would have been just plain retzicha (murder).
So to finally get to your question:
My priority was not davening well, having cheshek, learning well, etc. It was on doing whatever I needed to do to stay sober today. And part of that is learning to trust Hashem that the lack of kavonoh I am having today is exactly His will for me.(See the talks of Reb TzviMeyer about this idea.) Perhaps the fact that i davened at all during that period made a great nachas ruach for Him. regardless of nachas and ruachs, I knew I had to stay sober just to survive, and that is all that really matterred. Oops, I said that already, sorry!
Did that answer your question, Trying?

thank you reb dov for a beautiful post. I don't know aboit others bit it helped me  (& english too)

:-[Oops
Quoting wise lines and brilliant people is also a sign of wisdom Doc!

Keep your posts coming, I enjoy them.
Hope you're feeling better :)

Hey Dov thanx for your response. You should know that i really love your posts. I wish we can get to know eachother better because your way of thinking is just up my alley. There is one aspect i feel needs more clarification ( at least for me). First you wrote
and then you wrote
. Also i basiclly took from your response that it wasnt a conscience decision not to work on your davening and learning but rather you were busy with something much more important. Did i miss the boat???? ??? Please gget back to me.

imtrying25 wrote on 03 Nov 2009 20:09:
Yes. You must understand: Yes, the davening of a person who is an addict and not getting the help they need is still precious to Hashem, as all davening is. It may help them gain the siyata dishmaya they need to eventually get help. Nevertheless, their davening may still not work for them. In my case and others', the addict needed to give something up, to break free of the shame and admit the truth of their inability to stop to themselves, to other (safe) people, and to ask for help. They also needed to stop doing what is not working for them. As long as they keep trying the same exact thing and expecting a completely different result (it'll work/I really mean it this time!), they are doomed to keep having ta'aynos (complaints) on Hashem, thinking "why is He not helping me?!". The things they are trying are: 1) acting out (Yup! In the heat of the moment, we all figured that if we just gave in, the annoying tayva would finally leave us alone for a while, right?), 2) davening for "help" (even though they are not letting go of the sheretz and doing nothing really different) - the SA white book calls this "begging G-d to take it away so that we do not have to give it up!"), 3) learning/davening/doing every normal thing the same as we always have, as though nothing is wrong (hiding at all costs). None of these things worked for me to quit, at all, and they only made the habit of living within the problem deeper and worse. Sort of like not breaking the luchos, if you know what I mean. They were the luchos, after all...not very nice to throw luchos on the floor, you know....
I am not saying davening does not help, nor am I suggesting we stop living normally. What I am talking about is admitting that our davening and learning, family time (or lack thereof), and other habits, have not been innocent bystanders in our problem. WE ARE one person. These good parts of our lives have mostlikely been molded and twisted, perverted, to allow us to live the sick way we have been living. They do not need to stop, but they need to change. OK, that's one.
Now, as an addict, my life was basically taken over by lust. My life was in the toilet. That means so was my davening and learning. Not a nice place for those things, right? Getting clean is simply the #1 priority for an addict. Nothing else really matters. So, no, my learning and davening did not stop - what kind of a yid doesn't learn or daven at all? But I made changes in them to try and focus them on gaining sanity and sobriety. Any person with a severe disease understands this, I think. The refuah you desperately need takes over your entire life, plain and simple. And the main thing I needed especially early on, was getting out of my head and letting go of self-concern whenever possible. That can only be done by doing for others w/o thoughts of repayment of any kind.
I am sure I made many mistakes along the way (may Hashem protect me and forgive me for any I make today!) and will screw up at times in the future, but we keep our eye on the prize, that's all. Priorities. For some people, getting clean is not lichatchila - it is really pikuach nefesh. I still don't know if your question was answered, sorry....