Steve your nuts!!! And i mean it!!! And thanks to the rest of you pumpkins for knocking on my door!! Hopefully with all the mess ill finally make it through the hallway!! :-\



:-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-* :-*

Right back atcha, bro!

Gosh IT,

I leave for a coupla days, and I come back to find that not only did you ditch the walker but your revealed yourself in true living color and your the kind of guy I tell my kids to cross the street to avoid!!! Gotta change the avatar!!!

Good luck running your marathon!!

IT25, hope you're well. It's been a while since we've spoken.
Take care man. Have a great day.

I wuz here.
--Momo

IT 25,
as we used to say in hebrew : "you are the cannon", :D :D

and sure, everytime a bad thought go up  into your head or you see something garbage on the street,
immediately imagine SB and me as your bodyguards that standing on the left and right of you guard you.

one time i had a nisayon and thats trick did work!! ;D ;D

you don't have any chance to fall.

clear!!

SB and OL as BODYGUARDS??!!

IT, you have better protectzia than the Prime Minister!!

Oh, and like i said, I'm no jerkin gherkin, I'm more of a Classic Vlassic.

You'll make it WAY past half-way, my friend, your're gonna go soaring past 90, now that you ditched the walker.

Sorry pickle im more into the crunchy claussen!!

Thanks for all you guys for stoppin by. every bit of chizuk helps.

I really appreciate it!!!

Bodyguards? B.Y.E.?

Dear me, (kinda makes me wanna add "-oh my"!)

What you wrote reminds me of a discussion on GYE a few months ago that touched on "shivron leiv," broken-heartedness. Someone described his broken heartedness as the state he was in during birchas kriyas sh'ma when he thought of Klal Yisroel the Beloved of Hashem and the spiritual, phyisical, and emotional sufferring and lost-ness of Hashem's Holy people. He cried his heart out and described that as shivron leiv. That beautiful man meant well, to be sure, but was not talking about any ingredient essential to my recovery. Nor is that what I refer to as "shivron leiv".

You are touching on something very near and dear to me, reb me.
Chazal ask why "the earlier generations of yidden would remove their shoes to begin a fast and were immediately answered with rain, while we fast and scream all day and still suffer with droughts?" They do not answer that the ealier generations learned more or did more mitzvos. They just suggest that the ingredient yidden had in the old days was Mesiras Nefesh. MN is translated literally as: "giving the self". The word "nefesh" is typically understood as referring to our self-ness, or personal desire (as in: "im yeish es nafshechem = if you desire/want").
I believe that Mesiras nefesh is the sacrifice of ego. It's my "leiv" (as in "levavchem" - all our personal desire) - the "me" (sorry, me!) that we hold onto so tightly that it can't breathe. It seems that for an addict it needs to break to ever get better. For an addict, the "me" is intertwined with the addiction, and lust has become the very air he or she  breathes. No? Well then why can't the poor fellow just go without it, hmmm? It fills our ego and even takes G-d's rightful place as our prime motivator. Chazal refer to that state as having: "El zar" - a foreign god (in the heart of man - gm').
OK so far?

"Zivchei Elokim ruach nishbara - Leiv nishbar v'nidkeh Elokim lo sivzeh" (Teh. 51)
Gm' Sanhedrin 43b: RYb"L said "in the old days people would bring different korbanos and have different s'char for each one; but one who "da'ato shfeilo olov" (holds himself/his concerns to be very low) is considered as if he brought all the korbanos! As it says: "the sacrifices Hashem prefers (zivchei Elokim) are a broken spirit/will (ruach nishbara). Not only that, but Hashem attends to such a person's prayers, as it says (in the rest of the posuk): "a broken and beaten down heart will not be despised by Elokim"." (btw, see the beginning of that piece where RYb"L talks about the person who "sacrifices his Y"H and admits his wrongdoing"... apropos here).

As far as my recovery is concerned, it seems to me that all I really needed was a truly broken heart. Not sad, but broken. By which I mean, to give up on my will: My will to be able to keep using lust and yet remain in control. My will to get better the way I wanted to - by "doing teshuvah". My will to finally be a "winner" against this problem. Couldn't have any of those dreams. That's how I experienced "hitting bottom". Bankruptcy.
So to me, the broken heart is simply finally giving up and growing up - and staying that way. Living with the steps means nothing more or less than being aware of my true place and my dependence on Hashem because of who I am - not in spite of it. And thankfully, Hashem never makes my heart unbroken ever again. He helps me keep it broken, lest I die in my addiction/insanity. And He helps it be broken with joy!

Just to end this megillah with a vort from R' Simcha-Bunim of P'shischa about this broken heart:
In the second Halleluka we say each day: "Harofey l'nishberei leiv - He is the One who heals the broken-hearted" He asks: Why heal them? A broken heart is so precious! R' Simcha-Bunim answers with the end of the pasuk: "um'chabeish l'atzvosom - and (or by) tending to their sadness" and explains that Atzvus - sadness, has nothing to do with shivron leiv at all, but we are only human and sometimes confuse our own broken-heartedness with tragedy and feel sorry for ourselves. Sadness poisons a broken heart because feeling sorry for ourselves returns us to even deeper isolation and self-centeredness than before! That's when Hashem, the best doctor, steps in and removes the sadness leaving the sweet, broken heart - "um'chabesh l'atzvosom"! He saves us from ourselves!

Sorry for going overboard on this, me and Momo, but it just felt like time for a megillah....

dov wrote on 01 Feb 2010 22:43:
??? ??? ??? ??? rebbi you got me there!

"Bodyguard Your Eyes"...that's all. Kind of like an alternative to that guy with the "Daled amos lazer-pointer device"...remmber?

dov wrote on 01 Feb 2010 23:16:
Boy do i remember!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Just wanted to let the boys know that yesterday i took another huge step in the right direction. It wasnt easy. But i did it anyways!! I didnt allow myself to think too much before hand and to take a chance of my yh convinceing me not do it!! I just jumped in. And now i hope and pray that i will reap some benefits. Benefits which will hopefully make this ride a little less bumpy!!

Besides for that im doing pretty good!!

Thanks to all you guys out there. Without you there would be no chance of me making it anywhere!!

imtrying25 wrote on 02 Feb 2010 11:36:


BA'AL HABAYIT waked up to work! 
now i ecxpect to 200 posts in a 20 minutes ... :D :D you bomb!


you took a big step!

as much  as you will take such steps the  less  the Y"H will bother you. you know that, you were tried that.

don't give up to him he will try to challenge you a lot by the soon time ,

you remember?? think about your chidren? think about something good somthing possitive.

or just think about us and that you really don't want to disappoint us.

GITG!!

Hey OL thanks for the kind words!!

But isnt it supposed to be GGG!!   :D

could be GGG or GBHG!  :D

(see my last post at the begining)