also, just as a side note, if you tell her, do it for her, not you.
or at least make it sound like you're telling her for her sake...
as nice as she is, it's a very very big shock, more that the j-lemaddict one.

oh, boy. that musta been totally crazy!

i hope you have a fabulous day, IT!!!

habib613 wrote on 04 Jan 2010 15:07:
Yes i realize this. This is one of the reasons why im hesitant intelling her. :-\
My wife thinks that im throwing out chizuk and stuff but she probaly realizes theres more.
letakain21 wrote on 04 Jan 2010 15:38:
Actually having a pretty weak day. No slips or anything but feeling really weak. And sensitive. Like everything i see is affecting me much more than usual. So im just takin it minute by minute and trying to keep myself upbeat.

wait a sec...
she knows that GYE is for addicts... she knows you're on GYE... she knows uri and eye-nonymous and ppl came to your house for a kumzitz and they're all addicts... but she doesn't know you're one too??
so confused!

and about today- all those little triggers can really hurt. do you think you can lock yourself in a closet for today?  jk

Hang in there, IT, my friend.

Perhaps you're mood is caused by all the stress you've been thru with this "sticky" situation. Being down on myself, even just cuz my wife didn't smile at me this morning, brings on the RID and makes it difficult to control my eyes. And it's equally tough cuz you're carrying this bombshell and feeling guilty over it, and worrying about her figuring it out without you.

Take a few deep breaths. Take this pekkel and hang it up on a nail by the exit - pick it up later on your way out. Having some time & distance from thinking about these things, even subconsciously, will lighten you and make the burden easier when you pick it up later. Meanwhile, focus on some tasks you need, do them well, so you can get back your self-esteem.

Believe in yourself, in your own goodness. You were very brave and giving to have the kumzitz at home. Hashem will protect you. Daven for him to guide you.

And before telling your wife, speak to DC and other veterans. It might not be the right thing to do. I disagree with whoever said it's part of the 12 steps. it ain't necessarily so.

Love,

Steve.

habib613 wrote on 04 Jan 2010 15:49:
  Its hard but it could be explained. But not for now.
Yes i know they can hurt and that worries me. And how i wish i could lock myslef up. For now im hangin here and hopefully that will help. It usually does. :-\

imtrying25 wrote on 04 Jan 2010 11:17:

IT,  "Yode'a zaddick nefesh behemto"  you know your wife the best, and you can assume what will be her reaction for telling her you are addict,
don't be pulled after those who tried and succeeded , but just think on you, its absolutely individual for each wife.

i understand you that go out from the isolation especially with your wife gonna be the  best feeling you have ever felt.
its like a big rock go down from your heart, you don't liar any more.

i wish you success, wherever it will go...

Steve wrote on 04 Jan 2010 16:27:
Thanks steve. Devorim hayotzim min halev nichnosin el halev! Thanks again.

I would try and tell her and and actually show her this wonderful website.  She must have an idea about it.  Now if you give her the key, it will help.  She might surprise you!!!  Trust in her.  KUTGW and all I can tell you is go for it.  My wife saves me more days then I save myself.

OneLife wrote on 04 Jan 2010 16:33:
Thanks for the kind words OL. and i hope i make the right decision. :-\

sci1977 wrote on 04 Jan 2010 16:35:
You should know that your situation is the biggest reason why i want to break it all to her. You seem to be getting so much from the fact that you have your wife behind you. But im trying on thinking the best way to break it to her. :-\

Honesty is the best policy. Give her all of you and she will have to make a choice.  Give her the key to GUE and you'll still have everything you want.  Listen to your head and G-d.  Thanks for saying I am one of the reasons.  G-d will help you make the right choice.  I know you will too.  But let you be the one that breaks it to her.  My wife discovered everything and one of the things that kept coming up, was, why didn't you tell me.  I am your best friend and wife.  Look deep inside and you'll find the true answer that is right for yourself.  But my two cents worth is tell her, before she discovers it.  Break the ice and expect a long storm.  After the storm, you will find out your wife is everything you truly want her to be and you will not need to think of any other woman in the world.  (Thats what has happened to me.)

sci1977 wrote on 04 Jan 2010 16:43:
I know how right you are sci. But its so hard. I mean really hard.  :-\ :-\ But im gonna think of a way. I actually have an idea and hope to implement it soon. Good luck to me.

good luck to you!

habib613 wrote on 04 Jan 2010 17:58:
Thanks sis. I can use all the luck i can get.