I don't find what you wrote disrespectful, and anyway, I am known on this forum to be a big
anav so don't worry - I don't get insulted too easily (unless you try and take the
anav "title" away from me >
![](https://guardyoureyes.com/components/com_kunena/template/default/images/emoticons/new/sad.png)
).
Like you can see from m name im trying and thats all i could say for myself is that im trying
If you're trying, that's indeed all Hashem asks from us. He doesn't expect us to be malachim. It's not the success he wants, but the journey to GET THERE that He desires.
In my work though, I have found that often people
"think" they are trying, but they are fooling themselves. And even if they are
not fooling themselves (as I'm sure in your case), they are often "trying"
the wrong things. They are indeed putting in effort - like you, but sometimes in the
wrong places and in the
wrong ways (and I'm not saying this is the case with you at all, but it
could be, that's all I'm saying). That's why I keep stressing that you should read the handbooks. There you will find the tools that really work, and you can make progressive progress, tool by tool, step by step. If the previous tool is not enough, move on to the next tool, and so on...
If you get all the way to tool #13 and you still haven't beat this, then you can no longer afford to say, "I can't go to therapy" and/or "I don't want my wife to find out when I'm on the phone or joining groups", etc... Like Rabbi Twerski always says about this: "If a person has a "spiritual cancer",
nothing should stand in his way to get healed".