I have these feelings too. Its always bothered me that deep down below there is this part of me that wants it and doesnt want to give it up. But i think there are two reasons for this.
1- its not really us that doesnt want to give it up. Its or addiction that is saying this.

I think we dont realize how bad this thing really is. At leastthats the way i fel. Yes we realize its not a good thing and its evn bad and its wrong but we dont realize its poison.

Well, frankly I'm burned out today after pouring my heart out in some PM responses.

So, the better question may be: What are we not letting go of right now, that keeps us tied to our patterns, our sick boundaries, and our desires? Heroin addicts know more than anyone how desperately they need to drop their old shotting gallery friends, stop frequenting the places they bought drugs, etc. We all hold onto those kinds of familiar patterns for our much needed comfort.

From reading a lot of your posts, I get the point you're making about becoming a diff person. I just don't know how. Is working the 12 steps the only solution?

Sorry. Forgive me if I'm slow, but after the whole thing I still don't get it. What are we not letting go of right now? Our thought patterns? Our need to get comfort? Something else?

ImTrying, Please decide if life is like a bicycle or like a mountain. There's a big difference between the two. (About 6 million tons)

Oh, and I thought life is like a river. Oh well...

From reading a lot of your posts, I get the point you're making about becoming a diff person. I just don't know how. Is working the 12 steps the only solution?

The answer to this question is dependent on each individual person. Each person needs to look for those things he needs to let go of that would allow him to be free. And thats what i mean that we need change. We need to be differnt. We cant keep on passing the corner where we used to get drugs from.  We cant keep on doing the things weve done till now that brought us to the matziv we are in now. And when we give up those things we'll see how much more free we are.

excuse me, i hate to interject, ok i really dont, but as a skater whose always fought for space with the bikers...im gonna have to say that no, life is actually like skating vert on a  mega ramp...

Like #25 answered, it was the only thing that worked for me, that's all. I'm not an expert, at all, so I do not know the truth. The only thing I am doing here is sharing my own, personal experience. So, yeah, maybe folks can make the inside changes they need to in order to make living bearable w/o a dryg - that is, a different life. That way they can remain free of their addiction, i guess. And yes, the meetings and a real live sponsor were a great help. Having people around you face2face who are getting better helps keep it believeable in the darker, scarier times. But it all depends on whether you stick with the winners. Every good group always has plenty of losers hanging on for the ride w/o actually doing the work to get better. Even take yiddishkeit, for example...no shortage of dossons, avirams, etc...ha.

Ditto, ditto, ditto! Oh - and no, no no, you are not slow. For me, it was simply (but not easily!!) learning to do something else (anything else) when a desire or fantasy, or crazy acting out idea popped into my head. Giving that up was a big deal for me, because it was always painful. It was definitely doing what does NOT come naturally. Being a sicko, a lot of that is needed for a long time until inner changes start to become evident...but no fear, they do!! (BTW, they are still happenning, as crazy ideas hit me unexpectedly sometimes...I'm happy then, cuz all it means is that Hashem's on His way to help me out when I ask Him...He has to, cuz no one else can!)
If that's all I did, forget it. There was so much more basic wacky stuff like well-hidden resentments, fears, reighteous indignation and other things that were killing me on the inside that needed attention using the steps. No fear, though, just living w/o my drug brought them all out slowly. Very slowly, thank G-d! 


Hey, what river-boat did the ragester pop out of?!! I miss you so much, man!!

Chill IM25!

Ok Mom i moved over the convo cuz i didnt want to hijack habibs thread.( and cuz i wanted to get more posts from you on my thread haha)


I wish i could. Sitting here bored. Babysitting.
Btw Mom do you get the mishpacha. There was this great article in family first and i was thinking of you the whole time i was reading ( better yet skimming) it. It was like you were reena and the house was this site. Im serious.