my idiocy came from knowing what to do, but not doing it, because i put things first that are just ridiculous to be put first (sex), (shhh, bochurim are around!)

i am sorry for posting wifey things here, the thread was really for me to chart my progress and the wife thing comes up, but i will not focus on those things here, i'll put in the bb forum.

the thing i am focusing on now is that whether a bochur or married i don't need sex and masturbation!!!!!!! (SSSHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

I WILL NOT (SPOILER!!!) DIE!!!

what i used marriage for as an addict is an excuse to believe that i may actually die, and i envy bochurim who don't need to rely on such excuses and live more honestly, if they are really working on my self

what i am saying is that a bochur if honest is honest and is working, me the married guy was able to pretend that i was working on myself, but what happens in marriage well of course chiyuv onahah, blah blah blah... i was fooling myself and i saw that when i started with the ridiculous trailers, i started feeling this rising volcano inside and said "hey! i know that feeling and i know it'll kill me! hey, that's the same feeling i fooled myself with in marriage!

okay enough talking in riddles, thanks for the chizuk guys and i am working on my idiocy one day at a time!!!

thank you hashem for helping me be clean today, and please help me see only your emes, and keep me clean for another day!