Thanks CCman. I really don't know what to say about your situation... the fact that you are able to cope with it really shows what an amazing person you are!

First of all, I never welcomed Zvi and Some_guy to the group, so welcome guys.

To chacha, not to take away from the legitimate pain that you're feeling, but just try to keep in mind that when people speak out of anger then they sometimes (read: usually) say things that they don't mean, and even if the things are true, which they usually aren't, and definitely not to that degree, then they still usually don't feel that way when they're "sober" (and i do believe that the usage of that word is correct here).
Also like you rightly said, when we get older then issues with our parents start affecting us less and less.

As for the advice you asked for, I am inspired to write a magnum opus with my complete mehalech.

as soon as i finish with the 40 perakim of tehillim :p
(just kidding guys, maybe if you all try hard then you'll reach the amount of times that i fell)

Also, I am going to be leaving for the summer soon.I'm not going to have internet access for a while, and possibly not even the whole summer so for that time period I'd like to take myself out of the group as far as knassim are concerned.


A fall is one step closer to being clean for life.
A fall is just the beginning of a new streak.
A fall is just another opportunity to get up again.

Hatzlacha chevra, and KUTGW, I mean it.

I was in a bad mood when I wrote that last bit. I know she means well, and I guess it is unreasonable to expect parents to be perfect.'
its just the way she said it: "Youre an extremist, Go be with Rabbi __ (the Rav at a yeshivish minyan I like to daven at--there was one incident where she was saying kaddish for her father and came to hear me lein, but they wouldn't let her say it because no men were saying kaddish. I'm not sure if there's a halachik obligation, but at the same time, if you go to soneones house and they ask you to take off your shoes, you still do it even if your socks have holes).

I don't know what it is, but I don't think either of my parents approve of the path I am taking.

by the way: is it true that you can kosher a normal microwave in which mamash peoperoni Pizza, bacon, etc. has been heated up by just putting in a cup of water on high for two minutes?? If so, why is there an inyan of double wrapping?

I love my mom, but at the same time, it is very difficult to be ma'avir al midosecha when one feels, rightly or not, that one is being demeaned based on his/her religious beliefs by none other than one's own parent.

Baruch hashem, though, I still have two parents that love me, which is a huge thing that I am grateful for. its just that I don't want to spend the time growing close to people who might hurt me.

Chachaman


I want to try an experiment, if you don't mind. I'm going to take the sentence that you wrote above and just change some of the words here and there. Here goes:

"I love my son, but at the same time, it is very difficult to be civil when one feels, rightly or not, that one is being demeaned based on his/her religious beliefs by none other than one's own son."

Is it possible that this is how your parents are feeling? They brought you up, took care of you, fed you, clothed you, and now suddenly you've found your own way and nothing they do is good enough for you. All of their religious beliefs until now are being demeaned by you!

Does that make sense?

Let's try to keep something in mind to help us deal with the other people we need to be around:

The only person we are able to control is our self. We can't control others and the way they behave.

What we can try to do is try to put ourself in their shoes, try to look at things through their glasses and try to be sensitive to their needs. The face we show to others is many times reflected back to us. Be courteous and kind and they'll see that their son is a better person for finding his own way.

Hatzlacha!

magnum opus is up.

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/204389-The-chronicles-of-inastruggle?limit=15&start=90#209260

Hi guys, unfortunately (read: due to my choice) I haven't managed to get up from that last fall yet. I'm keep on hearing a voice in my head "what is one more day? You can always start tomorrow" I just read skepticals post, I broke out in tears and I got chizzuk. But he's moiri verebi skeptical... And I'm no match to his greatness!
Watching how every one around me, here on GYE, is making huge progress is killing me. I am very happy for them!! But I feel like I'm so far behind and not trying hard enough...

Wow, to let that out felt good.. Enough self pity!!! I WILL NOT FALL TONIGHT!!! Please hashem please help me, just for today. As a skeptical yid once made me say: you can't change the past - you just can do the most of this very moment! And this very moment belittling myself isn't very productive, so lets take out the scotch and celebrate for this fresh spirit that I was just infused with!!

lechayim!

Be very careful with the alcohol, not always the best solution!

There's no greatness here that anyone else on this site doesn't have as well.

You can get back up and continue. You just need to make that decision.

Stop the self-pitying, it does nothing but bring you down. Smile, count your blessings, be appreciative of your accomplishments and get back on track.

We have faith in you!

Avrom, you're a tzaddik, and tzaddikim get up right after they fall.

Of course they fall or they wouldn't be taddikim, they would be malachim.

Sheva yipol tzadikk v'kom.

Im lo achshov aimasei?

Also everyone on gye is making progress.And especially you.

Just get up and leave the fall and the yetzer harah behind in the dust.

When i get home from the summer then i'm expecting good news and i'm sure you'll come through.

(i'm leaving in about a day, so everybody stop asking. I'm gonna say goodbye of course. )

In Hebrew, there's no word for goodbye. It's L'hitraot, meaning, See you! Because Yidden never say goodbye. We're confident that we'll always meet again, somewhere sometime.

Shaila for the oylam:
Last night, I was feeling weak, and came quite close to slipping/falling before I went to bed. B'H, though, I got to bed without any mishaps. Then, in the middle of the night, I woke up and, then, while half-asleep, I fell. Does that count as a fall? On the one hand, I was technically 'awake', while on the other hand, I arguably didn't really have full control over myself. So I'm unsure...
(And Avrom, KOT KOMT! Everyone has those periods of extended falls- pick yourself up, and move on! I believe in you!)

Don't deliberate on it too much.

The days don't really matter,so if you feel it's a fall count it as one, otherwise not. The days should only be used for chizzuk.

Just keep moving forward!

skeptical wrote:

עיין בגמרא סוף ברכות וסוף מועד קטן לענין לך ב\לשלום

I heard that in Israel they say Shalom when they arrive and also when they leave - cuz they don't know if they're coming or they're going.

MT

Being that we are catering to multiple languages I feel compelled to say:

Hi, Shalom, Bonas dias, chin dobry, and dobry urta, not to forget vuuu tit sach!!


Om a more serious note:
Thinking back to my most recent fall I have realized a interesting statistic: In the past 7 months my streaks are on the rise. Every fall brings a new streak that lasted a couple of days longer. Great! no?? Yes, but here is the reason:
Every time I surpass my previous number I fell that I have no need to work on myself. Its not that I think I won, rather I feel that I have already acquired the necessary skills to fight the yetzer hora.

I have learned, that if I don't continue to work on myself, all the effort I put in to my self gets lost.
I have learned, that even if I wouldn't loose any progress, the temptation gets bigger. The bigger the person the bigger the yetzer hora. He always catches up, that how he is build.

So to "keep-shteiging" is not a good thing. Its a must, to stay alive. Growth is something that brings long term happiness. If a person is filled with the long-term happiness he no longer feels the need to please himself with the the short term happiness.

I have learned* that growth doesn't mean to get inspired or to learn mussar. Inspiration fades very quick!! Growth means to make a REAL change. Its to take the inspiration and use it in real life! I'm not in the mood to learn. If something feels comfortable - there is no growth involved.

Today I thought "What is something that really could motivate me to learn, daven and stop doing aveiros??"
Hashem! In theory thats a great plan.. But it doesn't seem to have worked so well for me.
But knowing that growth will give me a fulfilled and genuine happy life that is something every human being can strive for!! Sounds like im a very egoistic person - and even If I overcome to help others the motivator is still for myself.
So hashem is not involved at the moment, but Shelo lishma bo lishma

And finally, I have learned* that nothing happens on its own, I first need to clarify
1. What my goals really are.(realistic?)
2. Be honest what the motivations are - they have to be genuine and regardless to outside influences!
3. Make a plan how to reach those goals
4. Have a deadline built in to the plan


Please Hashem help me to use this knowledge to continue to make real progress. Yehi ratzon that soon I will be growing only out of love hashem.

(*From "Real Power" by Dovid Lieberman)

I have to tell everyone that I fell on Wednesday... sorry to let the group down.