16 days.

B"H everything has been going well. I have been very busy and haven't had much time to even consider lusting. The few times that my Y"H started up with me I was able to beat him back with the thought that I "need to quit" and now. Shmiras anaim has been getting harder as the weather warms up outside but I have been able to hold my own for the most part (i.e. in a few cases a first glance but certainly no second glances).

B"H I'm heading in the right direction which is truly all that we are asked to do in this world. I was listening to "The Shmuz" and finally began to understand what is meant by "giving in to G-d" not being a way out of fulfilling our mission in life and thinking that He should just do the work. It means that the input is our responsibility but always remember that the outcome is completely out of our hands.

Hatzlacha to us all!!

23 days down, a lifetime to go, but only one day at a time.

B"H I'm doing well. I was away from home for a few days before Shavous and didn't have internet for quite a stretch. It was refreshing. B"H shmiras anayim hasn't gotten too impossible but I really don't look forward to the summer as my town has a large college located a few block away from me on my way to work and the summer can be really dangerous for those few blocks.

I had a really strong urge to watch a TV show tonight to unwind from the last few weeks which have been really stressful. But I pushed it off reminding myself of my commitment and now I'm tired and will just go to sleep.

Hatzlacha to us all!!

Well done!

mr. emunah wrote:

Thanks, but I slipped this afternoon. I watched youtube for almost 2 hours. by the end the stuff was bad enough to be a slip though I don't think a fall. B"H I was able to stop before I fell (beyond a doubt).

As I mentioned last time I have had a very stressful 2 weeks. I started dating and filled in for a magid shiur in my Shul for a few shiurim. My dates cost me a total of 26 hours of driving time. Meanwhile I'm not continuing with this girl. Although one can't always see the bracha in everything that Hashem does, I definitely appreciate the opportunity to get a few more days maybe even weeks (or more, only Hashem knows when I'll go out next) under my belt clean. That was part of what motivated me and saved me this afternoon. I had been thinking that it's nice to be a clean a little longer and then the Y"H has this crazy idea about falling. No way!!

Congrats on not falling! Now don't wander back to the edge of the cliff again--be very careful with YouTube, I try not to go on it when not necessary (e.g. even to play background music or something like that).

Now different things work for different people. I found that the 90 day chart wasn't helpful for me, because I lost focus on one day at a time. For example, it would be "well, you slipped anyway, might as well get in two falls since you're already off the chart anyhow". I find it more helpful to really just try taking it one day at a time, and not focusing on my streak, what is a fall, what is a slip, etc. Lema'aseh, you're keeping on trucking regardless of what happens. "A lifetime to go"--no, just for today, you'll worry about tomorrow when tomorrow arrives.

Anyway, that's what works for me best, but I do understand the idea of using a streak as a motivator ("I've been clean for __ days, so I'd better not mess it up now"!) For me, the Y"H would twist that sevara into "wow, you made it two weeks, 5 more than you're previous time, it's okay to fall, and you can start a new streak later."

Hatlochah!

Two things from reading over your past posts:

-I saw that one of your earlier falls came from YouTube. This is what keeping a log does: we can see where the logs same. Trust me, there is nothing important on YouTube that we can't live without. Maybe say "no YouTube"?
-As inastruggle told me, the information we put on the forum means a lot more to the person posting than to any of the audience.

Actually, four things:

-We are reading your posts and staying with you, it's just we don't always reply.
-I totally identify with the desire of "having a loophole in the filter, otherwise it's too overwhelming". I haven't found a good answer to that myself.

Chachaman,

Thanks for the support and feedback. After what you said I realized that indeed I hadn't reread my posts in a while. I did it and it was quite refreshing and helped clear up some of my thoughts.

I hear what you are saying about the 90 day risk of falling multiple time after one fall. I definitely did suffer from such logic a number of times. However, overall the motivation of not messing up this long streak has been a real motivator.

Reading back over my posts, I realized that you are quite right, I have fallen because of YouTube too many times. However, I haven't really "hit bottom" with regard to YouTube. Maybe because of my rationalization that I "need" a way to relax and I think that YouTube is the lesser of the evils compared to po**, mas***, movies, and TV shows. However, I need to really evaluate whether I really "need" this form of relaxation and even if I do maybe I'm wrong and (clean) movies or TV shows are better because they don't have the "click through to bad stuff" effect.

Thanks for your other thoughts as well,
needtoquit

Who says that your relaxation needs to involve an LCD screen? What did they do for the thousands of years before the television was invented? In my humble opinion, in the statement

"However, I need to really evaluate whether I really "need" this form of relaxation and even if I do maybe I'm wrong and (clean) movies or TV shows are better because they don't have the "click through to bad stuff" effect."

You are assuming that relaxation has to be a choice between movies, TV shows, or shmutz. Relaxation can be many things: -Books -Articles (not just newspaper or magazine (since they might not contain 100% kosher advertisements), but scientific articles, finance articles, etc; -Play a sport or go jogging / some sort of physical activity (which in my experience is very helpful for fighting this); -Social activities.

It might be difficult at first, but you don't have to go cold turkey with YouTube videos or movies; you could try weaning yourself slowly, or giving yourself time limits (e.g. 1 hour a day) and steadily decreasing it--that's what I'm trying to do with the internet right now, since I think I use hte internet too much.

Glad if I can help!

This is all really useful stuff for me too.
I think I'll start my own thread as a kinda log, see I am over 100 days with no p***, amazing, I had a great Shavous and Shabbos, but now I am scared, like kind of an anti climax.
I feel the YH is at every corner לפתח חטאת רובץ literally, he is using every trick in the book.
I nearly went for a You tube, but stopped.
I don't want to start over a 90 days, so that is stopping me falling. I'd really love to watch an iffy movie. But am holding back, but I know this isn't the correct attitude, please tell me how I 'give it up to Hashem'
Also the summer months are upon us, which has always been an easier time for me to fall in the past.
Even though I reached 90, I didn't feel any big change, and when looking ahead, I feel I can't see myself p*** free for the rest of my life.
Again I know this not the correct view point, it's just one day at a time, for the rest of my life.

I wish that I could reach 90 days! Mazel Tov!

Starting a thread, in my humble, inexperienced opinion, is a good thing to do. I think your experiences confirm that 90 days isn't an end in and of itself, but it's a means to an end. Really, the addiction is a problem in living, and once we really start living the way we should, we won't need the addiction as a crutch.

Also, whenever I've had a long streak, the idea of falling always seems more enticing, or somehow more appealing--like if I fall, I'll be much happier. Obviously, don't listen to the yetzer hara!

Hatzlochah!

--Moshe Yechiel

Chachaman wrote:

Thanks for the feedback. Sorry for not being clearer but when I
I meant whether "this form", ie digital entertainment, was a necessary form of relaxation or whether I could relax just as productively/successfully using other means, for example like those you mentioned.

I certainly appreciate the idea of other relaxing activities although they aren't always practical. These are just some of the advantages of digital entertainment as a form of relaxation which me or my Y"H provide:

• Doesn't take much prep work
• Doesn't require much energy or brain power
• Doesn't (always) require a committed block of time

Definitely, upon reading it a second time I apologize for misunderstanding what you wrote, it actually was clear and I misunderstood.

As for the second thing, it's a struggle for all of us, but remember: things that are good in life require work. The whole idea behind television, video games, etc. is to get people to not need to think or use their brains; if we want to achieve authentic self-esteem and happiness, though, in my experience (sounds kind of funny saying that, I'm pretty young lol) it requires hard work and commitment.

Hatzlochah!

israel613120 wrote:

I definitely recommend starting your own thread. I have found it quite helpful at times. It provides a sense of direction in your posts so it's not just "I post when I feel like it", but it's more committed. (Especially if you want to stay on the first page. ) Also as Chachaman reminded me it allows you to look back at a large period of time and see how your doing and what has and hasn't worked.

Mazel Tov indeed on your over 90 days! With regard to not feeling any big change, do you mean that you don't feel a big change from 80 days to 90 days? Or you don't even feel a change from 0 days to 90 days? When I first started the 90 day chart and I reached 90 days on my first try (hold the applause that was over 7 months ago and I haven't been that high since), I asked myself do I feel different? I realized that from 80 to 90 didn't feel that much different than from 0 to 10 but the total of 0 to 90 was huge. While the 90 days are each "one day" when you put them together in a continuous streak I think that it really does change us. When I finished I was not the person I was when I started. Yes, I fell afterward. Yes, I have fallen many times since. But even so I am much improved (even if only measured in the confidence that I can do this) since completing 90 days.

With regard to the rest of our lives, yeah it is a little daunting. I try not to think about it too much. I don't know what else to say. Just remember that each additional day which you add to your 90 brings you farther down the road which leads to being able to see ourselves being po** free for the rest of our lives. Maybe you (we) can't see it now but we are heading in the right direction.

Chachaman wrote:

Jimmy Kimmel said that Youtube is very important, and then proceeded to sho a clip of a kitten dressed in a shark costume, chasing a duckling around a room on a Roomba.

lets ask it the other way: do you want to be doing this every day, even when you're 75 and the mechanics don't even work, knowing that you've wasted all that time and have never overcome important issues in your life, and being always depressed because of your addiction?