How many kids does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to say, "But I never turn it on!" and the second to say, "But I did it last time!"

Adam and Eve were naming the animals of the earth when along came a rhinoceros.

Adam: "What shall we call this one ?"

Eve: "Let's call it a rhinoceros"

Adam: "Why ?"

Eve: "Well, because it looks more like a rhinoceros than anything we're named yet".

The eight Saddam body doubles are gathered in one of the bunkers in downtown Baghdad. Tariq Aziz, the deputy prime minister, comes in and says, "I have some good news and some bad news." They ask for the good news first.
Aziz says, 'The good news is that Saddam is still alive, so you all still have jobs."
"And the bad news?" they ask.
Aziz replies, "He's lost an arm."

One day a middle-aged Modox man named Leo hears from his son attending university. "I've decided to become a Christian, Dad."
Leo panics. "What do I do?" he asks himself. The only thing he can think to do is call his rabbi.
" Funny you should come to me with this problem, Leo," says the rabbi. "Not 2 years ago my son comes to me with the same speech. I had no idea what to do. I panicked, and the only thing I could think to do was go to God."
"What message do you think you got from God?" asks Leo.
The rabbi laughed. "God said to me, funny you should come to me with this problem ...'"

Two statisticians go bird hunting. The first one fires at the bird but overshoots by 5 feet. The second one fires and undershoots the bird by 5 feet. They both give each other a high-five and say, "Got it!"

A Mexican Paratrooper makes his first jump.
He was given the following instructions: "Once you jump you need to open your parachute. If it doesn't open, you have a backup one. The Jeep will wait for you on the ground".
So, he gets on the plane, jumps outside but can't open his parachute. He then tries to open the backup one, but it deosn't open as well.
"Great", he says to himself, "Now all I need is for the Jeep to not wait for me to make it a really bad day".

Joe was an older guy who lived alone. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but he was getting older, and wasn't able to work like he used to. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for robbery. Joe wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. He received this reply: "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!"
At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money.
Confused, the Joe wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next.
His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."

A teacher asked her class for a sentence with the words 'defeat', 'defence', and 'detail'.
One brilliant kid raised his hand and said, "The horse went over defense, first defeat, then detail."

Why do they bury palestinians 26 feet underground?