*applauds*

one of my favourites:
a man walked into a bar. ouch.

David/Rage wrote on 21 Dec 2010 20:07:


That's the only joke I LOL'ed at! Thanks for exposing my twisted sense of humor...

i think we all share the same twisted mind here rofl

www.aish.com/j/c/90927229.html

www.aish.com/j/c/88092907.html

www.aish.com/j/c/81476717.html

www.aish.com/j/c/64690517.html

www.aish.com/j/c/52947262.html

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[quote="HashemsSoldier" link=topic=1065.msg90600#msg90600 date=1293150364]
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my favourites. the top one made me legit laugh out loud

i agree,
its so funny i made one of them my signature

Here's one in honor of the day:

Mr. Schwartz the owner of Schwartz's Nails made it ig in the new country and he sent his son of to university.  Upon graduating the younger Schwartz comes to work for his father.  Nu says Mr. Schwartz tell me what you've learned.  The young Schwartz replies, dad you've got to advertise.  Schwartz, Sr. responds this is what I paid all this money for.  How am I supposed to advertise Schwartz's nails.  Schwartz, Jr. says dad leave it to me.  A month later, the younger Schwartz tells his father.  Dad when you come out of the Lincoln Tunnel today you are going to love it.  The father drives out of the tunnel and looks up at the billboard and he almost crashes.  There on a billboard is a picture of Yoshka on the cross, with the quote "From Generation to Generation Schwartz's Nails aways come through."  The father immediately calls his son telling him he better get it down, otherwise their business is goig to be destroyed.  The son tell his father, don't worry I'll take care of it.  A week later the son calls his father, "Dad, it's all taken care of, we have a new billboard."  The father comes out of the tunnel, takes on look at the new billboard and has a heart attack.  On the billboard is Yoshka lying on the floor next to a cross with the quote "This wouldn't have happened, had they used Schwartz's nails."

And another:

The Teacher asked young Patrick Murphy: “What do you do at Christmas time?

Patrick addressed the class: “Well Ms. Jones, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight mass and we sing hymns; then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited, we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.

“Very nice Patrick,” she said. “Now Jimmy Brown, what do you do at Christmas?”

Well, Ms. Jones, me and my sister also go to church with Mom and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep, waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.

Realizing there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now, Isaac Cohen, what do you do at Christmas?”

Isaac said, “Well, it’s the same thing every year…. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls Royce; then we drive to Dad’s toy factory. When we get inside, we look at all the empty shelves… And begin to sing: “What A Friend We Have In Jesus.” Then we all go to the Bahamas .”

Oooops

Comes to prove

Efshar Letakain

Maui
Rio
Aruba

hey bardy,
mazta bakeries get pretty hot too, and no airfare is involved...

BMG

ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41TR2KBKVEL._SL500_AA300_.jpg

Marriage Humour:



Wife: 'What are you doing?'
Husband: Nothing.
Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.'
Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.'


  ---------------------------------------------------------------------

 
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'

  --------------------------------------------------------------------

 
  Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'Well that's because we aren't married yet.'

 
  --------------------------------------------------------------------

 
  A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'
'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'

  ---------------------------------------------------------------------


  A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him in the head with a frying pan.
'What was that for?' the man asked.
The wife replied 'That was for this piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.
The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on'
The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man was watching TV when his wife bashed him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
Wife replied: 'Your Horse phoned!!! '