you have a point!!!!

A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and
everyone inside dies. As they stand at the Pearly Gates waiting to enter
Paradise and meet their maker, God decides to grant each person one wish
because of the grief they have experienced.

They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. 'I want
to be gorgeous,' and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done.

The seco nd one in line hears this and says 'I want to be gorgeous too'
Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted.

This goes on for a while with each one asking to be gorgeous, but when God
is halfway down the line, the last guy in the line starts laughing.

When there are only ten people left, this guy is rolling on the floor,
laughing his head off.

Finally, God reaches this last guy and asks him what his wish will be. The
guy eventually calms down and says:

'Make 'em all ugly again.'

NEXT TIME YOU'RE LAST IN LINE. BE HAPPY

NINE WORDS WOMEN USE
 
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' . that will bring on a 'whatever').
(8 ) Whatever: Is a woman's way of saying...Go to Hell
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot

as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the

gift I bought you last year!"

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************

My wife walked into the den & asked "Whats on the TV?"

I replied "Dust".

And that's how the fight started.....

************************************************************************
 

I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

And that's how the fight started....





***********************************************************************



I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my

order first.

'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

'Nah, she can order for herself.'

And that's how the fight started.....

Whoot zmirot! All theis domestic discord. I dont get it. I really dont get it. Whats ur wifes PROBLEM. Why she always fighting over nothing?

for the life of mine, i can't figure out what is wrong with her.... women today......

*groan*

1. Go to Google Maps. 2. Enter Japan as your start point. 3. Enter China as your destination 4. Go to point 42

shoot i thought i was the only one using that particular method of transportation. well live and learn...

does Mr. Zamboni know about this?

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.

After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous newcomer takes part in the punishment with enthusiasm! Likewise, replace a third original monkey with a new one, then a fourth, then the fifth. Every time the newest monkey takes to the stairs, he is attacked.

Most of the monkeys that are beating him have no idea why they were not permitted to climb the stairs or why they are participating in the beating of the newest monkey.

After replacing all the original monkeys, none of the remaining monkeys have ever been sprayed with cold water. Nevertheless, no monkey ever again approaches the stairs to try for the banana. Why not? Because as far as they know that's the way it's always been done round here.

And that, my friends, is how company policies are made.

Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time.

Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older Person Friendly" policies.

One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."

"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it," replied Charlie.
''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

''They said, "Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?'''
 

...

well that was depressing

This I admit, is NOT NICE (but I just couldn't resist)


A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed.



She finds him sitting at the kitchen table deep in thought, and she watches as he wipes a tear from his eye.



"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers.



"Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 17?" he asks solemnly.



The wife is touched thinking her husband is so caring and sensitive. "Yes, I do," she replies.



"Do you remember when you father caught us in the back seat of my car?"



"Yes, I remember."



"Do you remember when he shoved a shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for 20 years"."



“I remember that too.”



He wipes another tear from his cheek and says... "I would have gotten out today!

yawn

David/Rage wrote on 21 Dec 2010 19:55:


*snort* storeowner must be jewish