Rage ATM wrote on 04 Jan 2010 19:38:
Ok so i left to go learn ( sorry rage ) and i left the computer opened to this post. My wife comes home. I come home. My wife says; i read this thing that you had on the comp.........................IT IS SO TRUE!!! HELP?!? What am i gonna do?? Im doooooooooooooomed!

OR ON GUE??

To make things simple, how ironic it may sound, in the past ive helped boys out in many different areas. So she thinks i got involved in this because i enjoy it and enjoy giving out chizuk. She realizes i have fun too. So between the two she doesnt really bother me much. But today was a pretty close call. Shoo!. I was a bit nervous. But i really want ot tell her, but im not sure how. My wife also respects my privacy very much, although till recently that was the worst thing possible. This is part of why its hard for me to tell her. Shell realize all the time she trusted me i was actually doing the worst things. Its not easy. I wish i had an easy eitzah out of all this. :-\

this one is for 7up:

My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty. 
They sent her home. 
She insisted SHE was guilty.

:D

Rage ATM wrote on 04 Jan 2010 22:04:
I think ive finally found the eitzah ive been looking for. Hey ----- i just loooooooooooooove looking at old men barfin all over the place. Barf, it25 why do they barf?? Well ----- i guess they just cant hold them selves back when seeing pretty women!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

THINGS I DIDN'T LEARN IN HEBREW SCHOOL

1. The High Holidays have absolutely nothing to do with marijuana.
2. Where there's smoke, there may be salmon.
3. No meal is complete without leftovers.
4. According to Jewish dietary law, pork and shellfish may be eaten only in Chinese restaurants.
5. A shmata is a dress that your husband's ex is wearing
6. You need ten men for a minion, but only four in polyester pants and white shoes for pinochle.
7. One mitzvah can change the world; two will just make you tired.
8. After the destruction of the Second Temple, God created Nordstrom's.
9. Anything worth saying is worth repeating a thousand times.
10. Never take a front row seat at a Bris.
11. Next year in Jerusalem. The year after that, how about a nice cruise?
12. Never leave a restaurant empty handed.
13.. Spring ahead, fall back, winters in Boca.
14. WASP's leave and never say good bye; Jews say good bye and never leave.
15. Always whisper the names of diseases.
16. If it tastes good, it's probably not kosher.
17. The important Jewish holidays are the ones on which alternate side of the street parking is suspended
18. Without Jewish mothers, who would need therapy?
19. If you have to ask the price, you can't afford it. But if you can afford it, make sure to tell everybody what you paid.
20. Laugh now, but one day you'll be driving a Lexus and eating dinner at 4:00 PM in Florida

SIGNS ON SYNAGOGUE BULLETIN BOARDS

1. Under same management for over 5763 years.
2. Don't give up. Moses was once a basket case.
3. What part of "Thou shalt not" don't you understand?
4. Shul committees should be made up of three members, two of whom should be absent at every meeting.

More Jewish Stuff

6. My mother is a typical Jewish mother. Once she was on jury duty.  They sent her home.  She insisted SHE was guilty.
7. Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a  pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies..
8. It was mealtime during a flight on El Al. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked Moshe, seated in front. "What are my choices?" Moshe asked.   "Yes or no," she replied
9. An elderly Jewish man is knocked down by a car and is brought to the local hospital. A pretty nurse tucks him into bed and says, "Mr. Gevarter, are you comfortable?" Gevarter replies, "I make a nice living ...."
10. A rabbi was opening his mail one morning. Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "shmuck."  At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their names, but this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name...and forgot to write a letter.
11. Three Jewish women get together for lunch. As they are being seated in the restaurant, one takes a deep breath and gives a long, slow "oy." The second takes a deep breath as well and lets out a long, slow "oy" The third takes a deep breath and says impatiently, "Girls, I thought we agreed that we weren't going to talk about our children."
12. A waiter comes over to a table full of Jewish women and asks, "Is anything right?

I just got to reading some past posts, Rage and Bardy, I loved the top tens... ROTF  ;D ;D

Imtrying, don't tell her if you don't have to, I guess...

Rage, those were AWEsome, especially your first #1! :D :D :D

*  SHOMAYIM NEWS REPORT  **

This is written by our beloved Efshar Leyakain



From E.L.

U r addicted to GYE when.......

1) U tell ppl to have a Guarded Day.

2) U see ppl on the street and say to urself "That Must Be Rage!" (Or anyone else on the site u think that guy or gal might be)

3) When your wife wishes you spent only half the time you spend on GYE with her.

4) When the only vertlach on the Parsha you can say at the Shabbos table needs to be edited so that you can shear it with your children without opening them up to a world they might not be familiar with.

5) When you automatically spell porn & Masturbation like this P**n Mas*****tion on a site that was setup for SA.

6) When you understand the meaning of the word "Dovish".

7) When you hear Uri say he's leaving you don't get scared knowing its just a max of 24 Hrs. And he's back.

8) When rage threatens to be gone forever you don't panic knowing that he will just comeback with another name. Yet can't hide behind it.

9) When you see a bottle of woodford all you think of is Bards.

10) When you see a bottle of 7up you just smile to yourself while everyone in the room goes "Did he just smile at that Bottle of 7UP?!"

11) When someone says I'm Trying! You subconsciously say No Your Not! She is! Then you realize that oh! I'm not in front of my computer now!

Oops! Is 10 the limit? I did 11!


12) When my wife asked me if I know of any Baby siters I say yes! Habib or Letakain!

Send My Warmest


Wishes To The GYE Family

I Miss Them All Tons

Ashrecho Yisroel
Efshar Letaken

ok, no offense to anyone, but these were the funniest ones yet.
mamesh hysterical
i do 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11

seriously. lol.
tell efshar we miss him, k?
and thanks for posting it R"B!

me too..lol.
and regards to efshar pls...Is he working on his gye addiction? I think he's done with 90 days..so 'lets go' 

also, can u ask him y he doesn't want trying to babysit?

these were still funny the 3rd time i read them...

Share this story with efshar for me,bards...

As we all know,Efshar went AWOL on us.
He said he was coming to israel,and was never heard from again.
So IT25 and I kept our eyes peeled for chassidish people. (i worked in mea shearim)
IT would come visit me in my story and say wow you see those chassidishe kids they must be efshars kids.
And I would nod at him and say "Im sure they are."

Anyway,
One day a really pleasent chassidishe fellow came in and was shmoozing with me about different seforim.
He was a little too friendly and I was getting suspicious.
So I asked him
"Where you from?"
There was a pause.
Why?
Pause.
Just wondering.
New York.
(Wow!It's him!didnt efshar say hes from boro park?)
Why?
I don't know. (the whole while trying to hint with my eyes that i know he is efshar).
So anyway,this guy buys his books and as I hand him his receipt i cant help but ask...
"Where in new york?"
Why?
O cause I'm from there.
Boro Park.
(WOOWWWWW.EFSHAR ITS YOU!!)
I started to freak out,but the guy didn't say anything.Just gave me a weird look and walked out.
I called IT
"IT i just met efshar!!"
What?!Youre kidding me?Whatd he look like?
Well,he was a little heavyset.Beard.Peyos.The whole shebang.
Are you sure it's him?
I don't know.I really think so!
Ok!So how are we gonna know?
He left his books here and said hes gonna return in a bit to pick them up.
So confront him!
Ok.What should I say?
Ask him if he knows Uri?And if it's him,hell realize who you are.
Fine.

So this chassidishe guy returns half an hour later...

Thanks for letting me leave my seforim here.
(Do it now uri!)
he starts walking out the door...
(now uri!)
one foot out...
"Rabbi!One minute!!"
He turns around in surprise...
Uh...do you know a guy named Uri?
Ok.now he's forsure decided that Im crazy.
Uri?(he thinks)Uri who?
I hand him my last name,but i know it's already too late...
Nope.Sorry.And with one last weird look he walks to his car and out of my life....

hes scared ill leave a sticker saying TrYiNg= sexaddict..


URRRIIII...............

lol
just lol
only uri...
lol