MORE Demotivators®
MOTIVATION. Psychology tells us that motivation- true, lasting motivation- can only come from within. Common sense tells us it can't be manufactured or productized. So how is it that a multi-billion dollar industry thrives through the sale of motivational commodities and services? Because, in our world of instant gratification, people desperately want to believe that there are simple solutions to complex problems. And when desperation has disposable income, market opportunities abound.
AT DESPAIR, INC., we believe motivational products create unrealistic expectations, raising hopes only to dash them. That's why we created our soul-crushingly depressing Demotivators® designs, so you can skip the delusions that motivational products induce and head straight for the disappointments that follow!
E.L. Kersten, Ph.D.
Founder and COO VICTORY
Winners never fly higher than when they're bouncing up and down on the egos of those they defeat.
VISION
How can the future be so hard to predict when all of my worst fears keep coming true?
WISHES
When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor.
WORTH
Just because you're necessary doesn't mean you're important.
SANITY
Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours doesn't mean you can borrow mine.
THE SECRET OF SUCCESS
What is The Secret? Pretend you've already achieved it- Then offer to sell The Secret to others.
SELF-ESTEEM
Just because you think you're a star doesn't mean you're going anywhere.
SERVICE
View all customers as beautiful buds that must be cultivated, watered, and periodically buried under manure.
STRIFE
As long as we have each other, we'll never run out of problems.
SUCCESS
Some people dream of success, while other people live to crush those dreams.
SURVIVAL
The less you stand out, the longer you'll last.
This one is for RAGE TEAMWORK
A few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.
TROUBLE
Luck can't last a lifetime unless you die young.
UNDERACHIEVEMENT
The tallest blade of grass is the first to be cut by the lawnmower
PRIORITIES
Hundreds of years from now, it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove... But the world may be different because I did something so bafflingly crazy that my ruins become a tourist attraction.
PROBLEMS
No matter how great and destructive your problems may seem now, remember, you've probably only seen the tip of them
PROCRASTINATION
Hard work often pays off after time, but laziness always pays off now.
PROPAGANDA
What lies behind us and lies before us are small matters compared to what lies right to our faces.
QUALITY
The race for quality has no finish line- so technically, it's more like a death march.
RECOVERY
Time heals all wounds. But it usually leaves a pretty big scar.
REGRET
It hurts to admit when you make mistakes - but when they're big enough, the pain only lasts a second
RETIREMENT
Because you've given so much of yourself to the company that you don't have anything left we can use.
RISKS
If you never try anything new, you'll miss out on many of life's great disappointments.
SACRIFICE
Your role may be thankless, but if you're willing to give it your all, you just might bring success to those who outlast you.
SACRIFICE
All we ask here is that you give us your heart.
PERSPECTIVE
Less is more. Unless you're standing next to the one with more.
Then less just looks pathetic.
PESSIMISM
Every dark cloud has a silver lining, but lightning kills hundreds of people each year who are trying to find it.
For the Peace Process in Israel PLANNING
Much work remains to be done before we can announce our total failure to make any progress.
POSSIBILITIES
With focus, dedication and steroids, men can achieve impossible dreams. Like breaking a world record. Or growing their own breasts.
POTENTIAL
Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.
POWER
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely. But it rocks absolutely, too.
PRESSURE
It can turn a lump of coal into a flawless diamond, or an average person into a perfect basketcase.
PRETENSION
The downside of being better than everyone else is that people tend to assume you're pretentious.
MADNESS
Madness does not always howl. Sometimes, it is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "Hey, is there room in your head for one more?"
MARKETING
Because making it look good now is more important than providing adequate support later.
MEDIOCRITY
It takes a lot less time and most people won't notice the difference until it's too late.
MEETINGS
None of us is as dumb as all of us.
MISFORTUNE
While good fortune often eludes you, this kind never misses.
MISTAKES
It could be that the purpose of your life is only to serve as a warning to others.
MOTIVATION
If a pretty poster and a cute saying are all it takes to motivate you, you probably have a very easy job. The kind robots will be doing soon.
OPPORTUNITY
I am Dr. Adewole Aremu- a director with the Union Bank of Nigeria in Lagos - and I wish to speak to you most urgently about a matter regarding the sum of $39,000,000 US Dollars...
OVERCONFIDENCE
Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.
PERSEVERANCE
The courage to ignore the obvious wisdom of turning back.
INDIVIDUALITY
Always remember that you are unique. Just like everybody else.
INEPTITUDE
If you can't learn to do something well, learn to enjoy doing it poorly.
INNOVATION
If it can make your job easier, it can probably make it irrelevant.
INSANITY
It's difficult to comprehend how insane some people can be. Especially when you're insane.
INSPIRATION
Genius is 1 percent inspiration and 99% perspiration, which is why engineers sometimes smell really bad.
INTIMIDATION
No one can make you feel inferior without your consent, but you'd be a fool to withhold that from your superiors.
IRRESPONSIBILITY
No single raindrop believes it is to blame for the flood.
LAZINESS
Success is a journey, not a destination. So stop running. LEADERS
Leaders are like eagles. We don't have either of them here.
LIMITATIONS
Until you spread your wings, you'll have no idea how far you can walk.
LONELINESS
If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you're not alone. And yet you are alone. So very alone.
LOSING
If at first you don't succeed, failure may be your style.
FUTILITY
You'll always miss 100% of the shots you don't take, and, statistically speaking, 99% of the shots you do.
GET TO WORK
You aren't being paid to believe in the power of your dreams.
GIVE UP
At some point, hanging in there just makes you look like an even bigger loser.
GOALS
It's best to avoid standing directly between a competitive jerk and his goals.
GOVERNMENT
If you think the problems we create are bad, just wait until you see our solutions.
HAZARDS
There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed.
HOPE
May not be warranted at this point.
HUMILIATION
The harder you try, the dumber you look.
IDIOCY
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.
IGNORANCE
It's amazing how much easier it is for a team to work together when no one has any idea where they're going.
INCOMPETENCE
When you earnestly believe you can compensate for a lack of skill by doubling your efforts, there's no end to what you can't do.
INDIFFERENCE
It takes 43 muscles to frown and 17 to smile, but it doesn't take any to just sit there with a dumb look on your face.
