I don't get it.
I always get that deal.

Sign outside truck stop on I-95:

Stop here. Eat Food. Get Gas.

Sign in subway:

Illiterate? Write us for free brochure.

Sign held at Peace Now rally:

Mavet LaKitzonim!!!

Canada:

Could have had American technology, French cuisine and British culture. Ended up with American culture, British cuisine and French technology.

are we allowed to do fat jokes?

Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."

I know a lady named Paulette that is so fat she has to wake up in sections.


Tom is so fat, they use his belt to measure the Earth's equator.

He is so fat, erev yom kippur he goes to Sea World to use the mikveh.
He is so fat, he had his baby pictures taken by satellite.
People jog around him for exercise.
He is so fat when they step on the scale it says, "No live stock please."
He needs a VCR for a pager
His belly button makes an echo.
I had to take a train and two busses just to get to his GOOD side.
He is so fat his cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard
Chris is so fat, on Halloween he says "Trick or Meatloaf!"

sign on fence:

private property: no signs allowed.

sign:

DYSLEXICS OF THE WORLD: UNTIE!!!

Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says
[No, really]

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
[Now that's taking things a bit far!]

Miners Refuse to Work after Death
[No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so!]

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
[See if that works any better than a fair trial!]

War Dims Hope for Peace
[I can see where it might have that effect!]

If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile
[You think?]

Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
[Who would have thought!]

Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
[They may be on to something!]

Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
[You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?]

Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge
[he probably IS the battery charge!]

New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
[Weren't they fat enough?!]

Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
[Taste like chicken?]

Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
[Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]

Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors
[Boy, are they tall!]

Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead

7Up, your memory is failing you, like mine. I posted these jokes already on this thread.

Oh, and by the way, I posted these jokes already on this thread.

Should these people be running GYE?
We need younger,more efficient people with solid memory to start runnning this place.

(Uri having a daydream about running GYE.Sitting back in a beautiful plush office in the Empire State Building with a cigar in his mouth and a glass of whiskey in his hand typing responses to people with his toes)

LOL. Uri, that sounds just like me, only not in the Empire State Building. I'm in the World Trade Center. Or, was.

Uri wrote on 07 Oct 2009 23:17:


this may have been the funniest thing uri ever wrote (and hes been plenty funny)

uri, the problem is: majority rule dont work in mental institutions...

Uri wrote on 07 Oct 2009 23:17:


Okay, okay, I confess. I posted it again just to see if anyone was reading. Was trying to imitate Rage and get some action going.

Memory loss? Who me?

And Uri, you'd better start running coz this here granny can catch young whipper snappers mighty quick when she put on her Dr Scholl orthopedic support shoes >

Hey Guard, didn't you post those jokes already?

(sorry)