Dedicated to our own Rage at The ATM:

 

  MALE VS. FEMALE AT THE ATM MACHINE 

A new sign in the Bank Lobby reads:

"Please note that this Bank is installing new Drive-through ATM machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles.

Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts.

After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE Procedures have been developed. Please follow the Appropriate steps for your gender."



MALE PROCEDURE:

1. Drive up to the cash machine.

2. Put down your car window.

3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.

4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.

5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.

6. Put window up.

7. Drive off.



FEMALE PROCEDURE:


1. Drive up to cash machine.

2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.

3. Set parking brake, put the window down.

4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.

5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.

6. Attempt to insert card into machine.

7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.

8. Insert card.

9. Re-insert card the right way.

10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page

11. Enter PIN.

12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.

13. Enter amount of cash required.

14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.

15. Retrieve cash and receipt.

16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.

17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.

18. Re-check makeup.

19. Drive forward 2 feet.

20. Reverse back to cash machine.

21. Retrieve card.

22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided!

23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.

24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.

25. Redial person on cell phone.

26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.

27. Release Parking Brake.

      An English professor wrote the words: 
      "A woman without her man is nothing" 
      on the chalkboard and asked his students
      to punctuate it correctly. 
   
  All of the males in the class wrote:
 
      "A woman,
      without her man, is
    nothing." 

    All the females in the class wrote:

      "A woman:
      without her, man is
      nothing." 
     

hey Rage i see that not only are you a music junkie your also a hollywood loonie. Its the only way to think of such a joke. Good one.

Some Jewish Personal Ads From the Jewish Jokes Website:


Worried about in-law meddling? I'm an orphan! Write. POB74.

Yeshiva bochur, Torah scholar, long beard, payos. Seeks same in woman. POB 71.

Desperately seeking shmoozing! Retired senior citizen desires female companion 70+ for kvetching, kvelling, and krechtzing. Under 30 is also OK. POB 64

Attractive Jewish woman, 35, college graduate, seeks successful Jewish Prince Charming to get me out of my parents' house. POB 46

*Divorced Jewish man, seeks partner to attend shule with, light Shabbos candles, celebrate holidays, build Sukkah together, attend brisses, bar mitzvahs. Religion not important. PB 658*:-)))

Nice Jewish guy, 38. No skeletons. No baggage. No personality. POB 78

Female graduate student, studying kaballah, Zohar, exorcism of dybbuks, seeks mensch. No weirdos, please. POB 56

Staunch Jewish feminist, wears tzitzis, seeking male who will accept my independence, although you probably will not. Oh, just forget it. POB 435

Jewish businessman, 49, manufactures Sabbath candles, Chanukah candles, havdalah candles, Yahrzeit candles. Seeks non-smoker.POB 787

Israeli professor, 41, with 18 years of teaching in my behind. Looking for American-born woman who speaks English very good. POB 555

80-year-old bubby, no assets, seeks handsome, virile Jewish male, under 35. Object matrimony. I can dream, can't I? POB 545

I am a sensitive Jewish prince whom you can open your heart to. Share your innermost thoughts and deepest secrets. Confide in me. I'll understand your insecurities. No fatties, please. POB 86.

Jewish male, 34, very successful, smart, independent, self-made. Looking for girl whose father will hire me. POB 53

Single Jewish woman, 29, into disco, mountain climbing, skiing, track and field. Has slight limp. POB 76

Jewish Princess, 28, seeks successful businessman of any major Jewish denomination: hundreds, fifties, twenties. POB 27

I was reform as an embryo, conservative as a fetus, orthodox from birth. Seeking same. POB 46

This post was inspired by URI:

Men and women were created equal, but women continued to improve.

Men are like.....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table

Husbands are like....Children
They're fine if they're someone else's.

Men are like....Animals
Messy, insensitive and potentially violent, but occasionally make great pets.

Men are like.....Bank accounts.
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like....Beer.
The first sip is always bitter.
No matter how many varieties you try, they are essentially the same; tasteless, full of bubbles, destabilize your metabolism and give you a headache

Men are like.....Bike helmets.
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

How do men sort their laundry?
"Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable".

How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares?

What are two reasons why men don't mind their own business?
1. No mind.
2. No business.


Why is a man different from a PC?
You only have to tell the PC once


Why are men like blenders?
You need one, but you're not quite sure why.

What's the difference between a man and a parrot?
You can teach a parrot to talk nicely.


Men are proof of reincarnation.
You can't get that dumb in just one lifetime.



Wife: Do you love me just because my father left me a fortune?
Husband: Not at all honey, I would love you no matter who left you the money.



What's the difference between an intelligent man and a UFO?
I don't know, I've never seen either one.

Now This was below the belt, but their all funny.

Hey, I'm x usually so nasty. But I got insulted by Uri's posts > > >

really?
i just thought they were hysterical

Yeah! I believe Uri aint that nasty either but got insulted by some gals earlier post & felt the need for a comeback fighting for his manhood.

Does this theory make any sense to anyone else but me?!

lol!
doesn't sound like me at all.
what do ppl addicted to pepsi max look like?

Rage ATM wrote on 16 Nov 2009 17:16:


LOL

lol!!!!!!!
now THAT looks like me!

Hey Rage your gonna have to send me a copy because my k9 wont allow me to see the pic. Or maybe im better off not seeing it?!? :D :D

Im sure it is Rage. I dont know why but it wont let me see it. ive got my k9 on the highest setting. But truth be told he know whats best for me and he doesnt want to take any chances. He even blocks some peoples avatars here on this site. ??? Anyways my email is imtrying25@gmail.com.

Efshar Letaken wrote on 16 Nov 2009 16:51:

We posted jokes , He posted insults