(Please supplement)
As you all know, lawyers were invented by the Jews. After all, we were the first ones to see things in a word (or lack thereof), letter, or vowelization. In fact, those playing the "Blame the Jews Game" also decided to blame us for deforestation (that's the fact that too many trees are being cut down to make shtenders, seforim, and paper- See The Yeshiva Writing Gemach's calculation on how many trees' worth of paper is used every day by Yeshivos all over) , because we were the ones who forced them to include a 15 page legal document with everything that is sold to the public. So, an outsider who enters one of our Yeshivos may have difficulty understanding some of the signs. So this article is intended to clarify some of them.

"GEMACH"- Contrary to popular belief, this does not mean "Please Take" or even "Please Use This to Litter Our Beis Medrash". It actually means "Please Borrow", and in some cases you may have to sign the item out. And in the long run, it means "Please return, eventually". And possibly "Use only in emergencies, and provide your own non-emergencies."

"Please do not remove"- This means please do not be the one to remove the sign. Rather, wait for someone else to remove the sign, even though the sign says not to.

"Please do not bring coffee cups into the Beis Medrash under any circumstances" - I have no idea what this one means, being that I have never seen anyone doing anything different when they read this sign.

"ואין מזרזין אלא למזורזין" - The only way you will know the information this sign is telling you is if you were already watching out for it, or you ask someone else to watch out for you.

"והמבין יבין" - Self explanatory.

"Do not write on this sign" - This is לאפוקי every other sign in Yeshiva, on which you will see comments, hagaos, questions, and answers, written by all the bochurim in the Yeshiva. This notice is not always a deterrent.

"It is dangerous and a fire hazard to cook in the dormitories. Any utensils will be confiscated." - Self explanatory. A bochur is not expected to be capable of cooking without burning down the building. Therefore, if you are an exception, please hide your utensils when not using them.

Zemmy: understanding unspoken words!! ;D

ETEK: WOW. So we finally know that Mordechai Schmutter's real name is NOT Schmutter, but ETek, that helps. Awesome stuff!
small Hoisafah

מחר יהיה סדר הלימוד לפני התפילה כרגיל
tomorrow there is a seder of learning before davening, MY FOOT!

I am not Mordechai Schmutter, he claims that is his real name.

I simply write the same way he does.

MEIR

This just proves you really are Mordechai Schmutter, or else you would have just taken the compliment and moved on. The fact that you reiterated Mordechai claim that his real name is in fact Mordechai Schmutter, just proves that you are one and the same...

Whatever. I can see I won't get anywhere with you. No comment.

BUT: A post for the thread.
Excerpts from The Book of Useless Information

Harry S. Truman's middle initial stands for nothing. His parents coudn't decide.
The reason Benjamin Franklin was not given the assignment of writing The Declaration of Independence was that his colleagues feared he would conceal a joke inside.
Charlie Chaplin once won third place in a Charlie Chaplin Lookalike Contest.
The Bible is the #1 shoplifted book in America.
Coke was originally green.
You lose more calories eating celery than there actually is in the celery.
Grapes explode in a microwave.
Vanilla is used to make chocolate.
Every year, 37 people die and over 100 people are injured from falling vending machines.
Ketchup can clean brass.
Mixing Sani-Flush and Comet cleaners can cause explosions.
An 1845 British law: suicide is a capital offense. It is punishable by hanging.
In Cleveland, it is illegal to catch mice without a hunter's license.
In Helsinki, Finland, policemen deflate tires instead of giving out parking tickets.
In Indiana, it is illegal to ride public transportation for a half hour after eating garlic.

Maybe more later.

pay your bills before you go swimming

;D You can't imagine how funny the Arabic is! :

9-1-1, how can I help you?

Hi, I'm calling to report a Woodford sighting!

I'm sorry?

WOODFORD, I said. It was right there on the table! I was by a Bar Mitzvah, and there it was!

Sir, have you been drinking? You know it's a federal offense to prank call.

No, I didn't drink any. I was too scared that they would think I was from GYE.

-click-

Why did the turkey cross the road?
To prove he wasn't Chicken!


Sheer Brilliance!

The chicken was out for lunch @ the road kill cafe... :

Hi Mr. Emunah and welcome to the forum, some people use this forum as a place to share their woes, others utilize it to complain about english speaking college professors, never mind, hoomikidding?
you posted?
gevaldiggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg

Holy G!

Anyways the proper use for college professor is as a sleeping pill, not as an evil overlord.

Hey people -let's get this thread goin- i can't find my tickle me elmo!