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The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :)
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Getting out of Isolation and connecting with others is an important part of recovery. This board is for non-addiction related threads, where members exchange jokes, have fun - and drink Lechayim Together!

TOPIC: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 221231 Views

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 14:02 #24334

  • the.guard
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A Florida State trooper pulls over an old man doing 100MPH.

He tells him, "if you can give me a reason why you were speeding that no one has ever told me before, I'll let you go without a ticket"

Responds the old guy:

"Many years ago, my wife ran away with a Florida State trooper. I thought you wanted to give her back!"

He got off without a ticket.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 14:10 #24336

  • TrYiNg
:D :D
Wats da deal wit cops today?
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 14:11 #24337

  • TrYiNg
Since we're into speeding tickets---

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over.
The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair. There were plenty of other cars around me going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?"

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah... so," the startled man replied.

The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch ALL the fish?"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

A middle aged woman was driving through a school zone when a policeman pulled her over for speeding. As he was giving her the ticket, she said, "How come I always get a ticket and everyone else gets a warning? Is it my face?" "No, ma'am," explained the officer, "it's your foot."

* * * * * * * * * * * *

"What am I supposed to do with this?" grumbled a motorist as the policeman handed him a speeding ticket. "Keep it," the cop said, "when you collect four of them you get a bicycle."
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 16:36 #24379

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There was a person who was speeding doing about 75 on a  highway. A cop ran after him. The driver of the car just picked up speed and ran into a service station straight to the mens room. The officer followed and waited for him outside. After coming out he asked why where you speeding so quickly. He tells him don't you see. I had to run to the restroom. He hits back but you saw me chasing why didn't you pull to the side? So he answers officer i thought you need the restroom too!
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 16:51 #24385

  • Rage AT Machine
the scariest demographic for me was never the young black male..it was always the old white female...besides being ridiculously litigious, heres another reason why:

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car -- both could barely see over the dashboard.

As they were cruising along they came to an intersection.
The stoplight was red but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself:
"I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light."

After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right through.
This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it.
She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on.

At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said:
"Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!"

Mildred turned to her and said: "Oh, am I driving?"
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 18:48 #24443

  • Rage AT Machine
remember the line, fighting on the internet is like racing in the special olympics, even if you win, youre still retarded? (im sorry 7up "youre still handicapped" makes no sense and isnt funny)...anyway, heres a thread that is funny if youre like me and like laughing at people doing retarded things: www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-importance-of-yiddish

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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 20:11 #24477

  • 7yipol
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Rage AT Machine wrote on 19 Oct 2009 18:48:

remember the line, fighting on the internet is like racing in the special olympics, even if you win, youre still retarded? (im sorry 7up "youre still handicapped" makes no sense and isnt funny)...anyway, heres a thread that is funny if youre like me and like laughing at people doing retarded things: www.theyeshivaworld.com/coffeeroom/topic/the-importance-of-yiddish




I was just worried for you Rage. Im told that there are some lawyers on this forum and knowing how politically incorrect that term is in your fine country...

Anyway, someone with an avatar of fire should always make sure that they have a fire retardent!
Hashem is addicted to you! Feel His hugs!"Sheva yipol tzaddik VKUM"
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 20:27 #24484

  • Rage AT Machine
lawyers....ewwwww....where?

speaking of ewww, is it blasphamous to find humor in the torah?
when i was listening to the parasha this past shabbat, it occurred to me how funny chava's curse was: "ve'el ishech teshukateach"

Gd is lookign down trying to find an awful punishment to match losing your legs for all of eternity and working the cursed ground for eternity....

***Gd looking down at a young Chava.."and for you, from now and for all of eternity, you will like boys...yes, those, hairy, smelly, stupid, boys...you will like them"...Chava: "ewwwwwwww...anything but boys...please...not that..."***
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 22:08 #24532

  • Dov
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But why are we boys mostly here if she's the cursed one?
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 22:11 #24535

  • jerusalemsexaddict
because they like boys
and we like s**
Last Edit: 19 Oct 2009 22:16 by .

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 22:12 #24536

  • Rage AT Machine
men are like parking spots in manhattan....the good ones are all taken and the only ones left are handicap only...
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 22:15 #24537

  • me3
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Truth be told that question has bothered me for a long time. "ve'el ishech teshukateach" should mean that women should be chasing men, but world experience and a billion dollar male oriented p**n industry says otherwise.

Any good answers, appreciated.
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 22:16 #24538

  • jerusalemsexaddict
Uri wrote on 19 Oct 2009 22:11:

because they like boys
and we like s**
Last Edit: 20 Oct 2009 09:06 by .

Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 22:18 #24539

  • letakain
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ugh
come to the depressed person's chill spot
and just get more depressed..... :'(
I am proud of myself today because of who I am becoming with progress, not perfection
one day at a time
I am a pickle, and I'll never be a cucumber again. and pickles are YUM!

my thread: guardyoureyes.com/forum/6-Women-on-the-way-to-90-Days/248941-Letakains-internet-addiction-journal
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Re: The Depressed Person's Chill Spot :) 19 Oct 2009 22:18 #24540

  • Rage AT Machine
ehhhh....no

this is for jokes....

you want to make fun of men, post...you want to figure out the meaning of zen, find another thread....

its FUNNY because the worst curse gd can think of for her is liking men and bottom line, i cant think of anything worse...like uri said, they like boys and we're pretty messed up in the brain...
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