Rage,
A mishionary once approached on campus while I was becoming frum, and said "all you jews are goin' to hell for not believing in yushka." I said "you mean, those who accept yushka will go to Heaven, and all those good jews who don't will go to hell?" He got all excited, thought he caught a fish, and beamed "THAT'S RIGHT!" So I said to him, "WHY in G-d's name would I want to go to Heaven when all my friends will be SOMEWHERE ELSE?!"
Really, I said that. If you've heard it in a joke, I'm the one who started it. I just hope they don't carve that on my matzeiva...
Anyway, how good are you in chess? We'll need some LOOOONG games....