Dear 36 -
You may need an airbag for this, my friend....
If you are asking a halocha question, maybe ask a rov.
If you are talking about advise to avoid doing an aveiro, nu, maybe ask a rov, too.
But if you are talking about saving yourself from putting you life into the toilet of insanity again by going down the road of compulsive sexual acting out....hmmm......then I ask you: what in the
world does that have to do with "shmiras habrit"?
I can't speak for you, but for me, what you are referring to as shiras habrit has to do with whether I have a
chance at having a real conscience, at being a father to my children, a husband to my wife, a sane yid (an insane yid doing mitzvos? is a shoteh even
yotzei, i wonder?), and in my particular case, staying alive at all.
To me, this is not
at all like
avodah zora, which chazal tell us is like breaking the entire Torah. It is much,
much worse than that: It is giving up my entire tzurah of a mentch and accepting insanity into my life. And insanity of this disease, for me, is "memaleh kol almin and sovev kol almin" - it fills, poisons and perverts my entire life (and the life of those around me). At its root, sobriety and the program is not there to create
holy yidden out of us. It is to create useful mentchen. From
there, I can become a yid, if I want. But w/o it, I have no choice and remain basically a mess.
At least that is the way it is for me and others. I'm not alone in the feeling that to act out is to die. I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for
other reasons!
I do not mean to be abrasive, but as i am starting to get older, the crotchetiness of old age is coming out, I guess.
I still love you 36!
Oh, and refuah sheleima!