Steve wrote on 14 Dec 2009 22:08:
heh! i got it .  :D.
ok time for day 2 in the LV hug -athon .  8)
how's this one .... i had  decided that a very serious change had to be made  in the way our family treats the computer  and i knew it would be a fight to get it done . but for some reason, don't ask me why , i said to myself ."i know this is right . even if my wife and kids have a fit , i will stay calm and keep it going . i will absorb the names beatings and insults(not really just my paranoia)  and i will stand strong. i went home spoke to my wife oin a calm voice and waited for the explosion............ it never came . she turned to me and said "LV (her little nickname) , it sounds like you're saying some good things , i'm ready to do it ."i almost fell off the bed.
  my wife is awesome that's a hug in itself . but i think it was my willingness to accept whatever came that made a difference and H' opened the door for me . then i saw todays e-mail .  good call big G!   

LV, you are SOOOOO cool, no matter how warm you are.

Along with thanking Hashem, you should take some credit for your effort, besides the innitiation, to stay calm and speak gently to your wife. That insured she HEARD you, and did not just REACT to you. 

DC said today that the spiritual union between husband and wife is the REAL high in marriage, much more meaningful than the physical union. I think you experienced that just then, and it is especially special cuz your unified goal was for the ruchniyos of your children.

It's also very sweet and telling about you that you used her nick-name for you as your persona here at GYE.

May HKB"H bless you and your wife with the ultimate shalom bayis, and may your children grow up to be a source of nachas to the Ribbono Shel Olam and to Klal Yisroel.

Steve.

Kol Hakavod to you 36er. We see from here once again, if we do our part Hashem will do his.

Wow, that's truly an amazing HUG!!

Here's the e-mail he means:

Mesiras Nefesh

Chanukah is all about Mesiras Nefesh. The Chashmonayim were ready to risk their lives completely for the sanctity of Klal Yisrael, and for the Torah and Mitzvos. And it is only because they were willing to lay their lives on the line and give it their ALL - that they experienced such open miracles of "rabim biyad me'atim" and "temaiyim beyad tehorim".

The Yetzer Hara is far stronger than us. Only Hashem can win this battle for us, but He only steps in with the miracle when we show Him that we are ready to give it our ALL. The moment a person decides in his mind that no matter how much it hurts or how bitter it feels - he will do it anyway, no matter what; the moment a person is willing to suffer whatever pain it takes to succeed even if it feels like he is dying, an amazing thing happens: The struggle ceases to be difficult and it actually becomes EASY and SWEET!

This is one of the most profound secrets in Avodas Hashem and it applies to any spiritual feat, including Torah learning. As the Pasuk says: "Zos Hatorah Adam Ki Yamus Ba'Ohel - This is the Torah of a man who dies in the tent". Our Sages learn out from this that the Torah can only be acquired properly through someone who 'kills himself' over it. As soon as a person accepts upon himself the yoke of Torah to the point where he is ready and willing to suffer for it to the point of death; "ZOS HATORAH - THAT is the Torah", and then he merits to feel the true sweetness of Torah that by far exceeds any physical pleasure.

So whether it's Torah learning or conquering the Yetzer Hara, in order to achieve true freedom and joy in the divine service therein, we have to be willing to even feel a taste of death and still not give in. Once we achieve that, Hashem does an amazing thing and suddenly the struggle becomes easy and the person feels true joy!

This is truly an amazing secret. Most people don't know this until they've achieved it. But this was revealed to us by the Tzadikim, and now that we know it, it should be much easier for us all to take that initial leap of faith of true Mesiras Nefesh!

uhh steve ...... i don't know how to say this but ............. LV is not my nickname .............. i just said that b/c i didn't want to say my real name online. it was supposed to be funny .
wow i don't know why that was so hard for me . maybe it was the part about admitting my joke bombed.     

OK
back to work.
        todays hug:  H' set up a situation in my life today where i had a solid 2 hours to learn almost undisturbed . that never happens to me. for me that's gan eden ! i feel like d ifferent person!  ;D :D :D :D short and sweet.

:'(Todays hug is a bittersweet one.  Actually, some would say all bitter without any sweet. I admit it took me a little while to feel the hug here:

As I was heading out the house to a family chanuka party, I received a phone call informing me that a very dear friend of 30 years was suddenly nifteres. Im not used to 40 year olds dying, even though the current world situation makes it less and less surprising. Right before Mashiach comes; Hashem means business folks.

This friend had recently arrived here in Israel to visit her sons who are learning in yeshiva. A sudden anuerism cut much more than her trip short.

As I thought about her family, I started to see the first  ray of nechama amongst the pain.
How many people leave the house angry at a spouse, yelling at a child, or simply forgetting to say goodbye as they rush out the door? How easily tragedies take over; as cars crash, muggers shoot or terrorists aim for martyrdom. And the last memory left for the survivors includes pain and guilt. "Why? Why didnt we say goodbye?"

Leaving America for an international trip to Eretz Yisrael, my guess is that the goodbyes were intense and sincere. No Mother leaves her family for 2 weeks without a heartfelt farewell, hugs and "I love you". They got their goodbye.
And her sons here? At least they had the zchus to see her one last time before Hashem took her home. My guess is that the hugs of greeting were loving and mushy, filled with the love of a  mother who has missed her boys. They too got their goodbye.

I cant claim to understand Hashems cheshbon.
I dont need to.
He loves her more than the whole world -
- after all; He created the world for her.
And He knows that this too is good.
This too is chesed.
And while my heart still aches
and my eyes still cry,
I trust Him.
And I thank Him for allowing her to say goodbye.
:'(

7Up wrote on 16 Dec 2009 22:40:


And I thank Him for reminding me to tell you all
THANK YOU

:'(

death again..wherever I turn or go.
shver

and the biggest hug is having a mom that can find a hug in any situation....wow mom

7 Up and TrYiNg,

I feel for your loss. I have a friend who is still b'toch shloshim, I think, for his mom. After he davened "far de amud" the other day, I stood by him while he composed himself. He looked at me with a big sigh, and wet eyes, and said "well, life goes on. I don't know what that means, but that's what we're supposed to say, right?"

I don't understand how HKB"H put the words into my head that he needed, but somehow I answered him: "Yeah, life DOES go on. Yours, AND HERS." He looked at me quizzically, and I finished, "Why do you think they call it 'CHAYEI OLAM HABAAH'? You're going through your juorney down here, and right now it's not easy, while she is continuing her journey up there in shomayim. It hurts us that we can't see our loved ones, but through our mitzvos and maasim tovim, we can send care packages that make their journey easier. So you're never disconnected, and can only do good for her now."

I believe it comforted him some, and I hope you both will be comforted as well.

TrYiNg, please believe me, start counting your blessings, and like I said once, start with your toes. There is so much beauty and meaning in you, and in the life Hashem is waiting to give you. You WILL get your head out of the fog, and see the light around you. And then you will realize that while this world contains some darkness, every day of your new life will be 90% or more of light, and the "bad" will be only 10% or less. And it won't get you down. Please hang in there....

May Hashem in his Mercy wipe away all our tears.

mom, you are so special.

Steve wrote on 17 Dec 2009 09:48:


Steve,

That was excellent!! A great source of chizuk.

Guard, this excerpt would be great for one of the chizuk emails.

Nishmas, Kol CHAI....!

Steve, that response was amazing.
What tremendous siyata dishmaya you were given and what a zchus you were given to be able to  comfort a Yid in pain.

See, thats whats called a hug!!