I first want to Identify myself as the author of the story starting "Hodu Lahashem Kitov..."  , I B"H opened an anonymous gmail acount with this screename and receive the daily chizuk emails. I posted a message on the 'jewish sexuality website' stating that I would stop thinking hirhurai evaira from that moment on (motzai shabbos 2 av)untill Tisha Biav......an I did it!!!!  I'm still on a roll!!!!

I used to be alot better in the areas of tayvas nashim (exept for my internet addiction that is) so my rapid recovery should not be veiwed as what's normal. But I would like to post my progress to be both a source of chizuk for me...and everyone else out there.


So I has A very hard start...serois withdrawal syndroms...emothionaly aginizing tourture!!! I would grab the steeriong weel as hard as I can, and just fight the urge...untill I began enjoying to fight it.....then I welcomed a strong urge, because it make me feel powerfulll....I am mentaly powerfull!

Then 2 days later the yetzer hara gave up with the head-on approach, and enticed me so slyly I barely manadged to realise that I was thinking innappropriate thoughts.  My new struggle was to realise it......Then 4 days later, and I'm keeping myself very busy al day....it stops. wow it ws great. No yetzrr hara. TTisha Beav came and went without me even realizing it till a few days later.

i still have a hard time identrifying a thopught creeping in, but as soon as I do, that's the end of it.

I think that part of this succes is that I used to get alot of enjoyment out of thining these thoughts, and no enjoyment fighting it, just the sress and struggle to do so. But now that I can proudly tell me rebbe about my atcheivements, and post it on these boards, I get more enjoyments fighting them, it's fun, and exiting.

What got me throught the last 2 weeks is a perek from the sefer smirat halashon. The chofetz Chaim tells us that after 120 they weill give us a sefer torah and say "READ" and when we get to all the placed in the torah where we transgressed, we won't be able to read it. How can a theif possibly read 'thopught shall not steel..' he'll be overcome wit such a pachad and aima...he'll be sentencing himself to gehanom by reading it...because He didn't fu;lfill mit.    One can transplant this to any mitzva. I talked to myself (car-rides are geat for that) and varbaly played out the entire scenario....'and theyu;re going to give you a sefer torah and make you read "Velo Sasuru....avcharei lavvavachem...veacharei eineitchemmm....asher atem ZONIM achareihem!!!" . 
Eventualy this became my rally call whenever I needed it. I would just scream it once (in the car again) and all thoughts of looking twice would vanighs (sometimes I need to repeat it a second time).
The sefer cheshbon Hanefesh actualy advises (as part of it's amazing system) that one write an esay on the middah they want to work on, then summerise that into one pasuk/sentence, then summerise that one powerfull sentence into a made-up giberish word andwhenever that person need to conquer that midah he should say his jibberish codewqord (no-one wil know what he's doing, and verbaly stating one's goals help on both a ruchnius and lehavbdil a phcycological level*)


_______
*A 1952 study polled the graduates of Yale asking them if they have set life goals. (around)60% hadn't set goals, (around)35% had unwritten goals, and (exactly) 3%  had written their goals.  30 years later the 3% who had written their goals where making more money than the 97% COMBINED!      lesson:write /state yor goals

wow. I am impressed by your bold resolve! Keep it up.


The car is definitely a great place to speak to yourself (and to Hashem). It is also a great place to cry, think, make new plans etc.

Chazak V'Ematz!

When you wrote about the yetzer finally giving up (temporarily) and going away....until he began a new approach, it reminded me about something a saw in the helliger sefer Taharas Hakodesh. The first Shomer Emunim Rebbe described how he knew of a man that totally was Metar himself to such an unbelievable level of purity. He was like a tzadik. Then, about 30 years later, in a sudden moment (the yeter did a suprise ambush attack on him,) and he fell to the very very  bottom!
  He pointed out from this, we can never ever underestimat the prowess of this demon. The yetzer hara knew that this tzadik would not let him break though, so what did he do?  He has lots of patience. The yetzer is not in a hurry. He let this man be for years and years. He let him do all of his avodas hashem, shteiging in learning, teffilah etc, until this man started to believe that he was actually free of the yetzer harah. He broke him and the yetzer left him for ever. So, after 30 years, he let his guard down, and then all of a sudden boom, he gave him such a zets, and he lost everything that he had worked for.
  So, when things are going good. We are feeling strong and confident... be careful, he has NOT left us.

Yes, as the Mishna is Pirkei Avos tells us: "Al Ta'amin B'Atzmecha Ad Yom Mosecha"- Do not trust (in) yourself until the day you die!

The Yetzer Hara, as you so rightly wrote, has a lot of patience and will wait years for the right opportunity to strike a fatal blow. But if we always know that the day can still come, we will be better prepared for it!

Luckily for us, the Ribono Shel Olam has infinitely more patience than the Yetzer Hara, and waits for our Teshuva, no matter how long it takes us to realize it is time to return to our father, our king, Hashem!

This Shabbos is Tu B'Av, and it is a ripe time to grow in our closeness to Hashem and climb to even higher heights of Avodas Hashem.

Chazak V'Ematz!

the sefer Cheshbon hanefesh is an excellent resource and good program to work on your middos.  Again, the Taiva is only our reaction to some underlying spiritual flaw that we still have.  Once you work on that midda, whether it be anger, being scared, loneliness, arrogance, sadness, it gets better.  Just the act of writing it out or speaking about it cleanses us, as if it leaves the body. 

many group therapy sessions that deal with this, use a technique called psycho-drama.  Each person plays a role like in a play.  One person does his "work". Another is your higher power (Hashem), another is usually a parent or someone who you have resentments towards. Another might be someone playing your addiction.  Each person plays his/her role to bring up the emotions of the person "working"  When this happens floods of emotions are released - crying, anger, screaming, etc.  Things that are not proper to do to the person who may have abused us, but nevertheless, doing it privately or with people you trust is very healing. 

In fact, I've been in therapy for over 25 years, on and off and this form is the quickest.  I've broken through so many barriers just within one year, using this method. 

Most certified sex addiction counselors are trained in some of these methods.

In fact, on September 2nd the Jewish Healing Group will be presenting one of these experts live
on the call for questions, chizuk and healing. 

Hello shemirateinayim,

I found the second part of your story very inspiring, as well as the replies on the forum. So I added them all to your story page on our site! See here.

Looking forward to an update in another few weeks!
Feel free to keep writing on the forum any time to tell us your struggles, your progress and your ideas!

About the sefer Tahars Hakodesh....I plan to buy it in addition to the sefer "histaklus bahalacha' the only sefer (i know of) that compiled all the halachos of "not looking'. (It's a short and sweet, clear, sefer. Can be finished in a few days)

About the yetzer hara taking new approaches.....yeh it's hard. Interestingly R Effraim Waxman said in a shiur (on the CHazak line) an explanation for that mishna in avot. The Mishna/or/ Gemara lgives an example for it Yochganan Kohen Gadol who became a tzeduki aftre being Kohen Gadol for 80!!!!years!!! .
it's worth listeniing to to to sum it upo in a nutshell. The kohen Gadol has the nefesh Hakoleles (the highest neshama in all of klala Yisrael). r Tzdok Hakohen writes that the highest in Zman is yom hakjipurim, the highest in makom is the kodesh hakadashim , ans the greatest/highest in nefesh is the Kohen Gadol! The Kohen gadol was on a leavel and calaber that is on too high of a kevel of comprehension. Every year they would throw a huige seudah IF the kohen Gadol cae out of the kodesh Hakadashim alive....for 80 years Yochanan Kohen Gadol was on such a perfect level that he came out.......then how did he become a tzeduki (the tzeddukim understand the torah like a child. Hopw does one go from such an awsome spiriual caliber to be a tzedukki???????     When we say on chanukah Beimai matisyahu.........Ben Yochanan Kohen Gadol!!! Look at his children and aineklach, how does he fall so...????

On a very simple level R shimshon Pinkus Zatzal, explains (beshaim the chofetz chaim) that a person canbe utterly flawless on the outside, fully perfect, but on the inside there can be alittle hole. And just as when one make a hole in a vast ship, it won't sink....but 50,70,80 years later enough water will seep in through that hole to sink it...so too a tzaddik can have a little hole and 80 years later it can sink it.  If that's true by Yochanana Kohen Gadol......Oy LANU Meyom Hadin Oy Lanu Meeyom Hatochaicha!!

But there';s hope. (I had actualy collected some powerfully inspiring mussar, but I left it behind when I came homw for the weekend...Hopeful;ly I can post it in full next week). The gemara in kiddushin writes that Bechol Yom Yitzro Shel adam Misgaver Ulav Umitvakeish Lehameeso ...Every single day on's Yetzer Hara uverpowers him and wants to kill him...Veilmalai Hakadosh Berush hu Ozrop aino Yuchal lo...and if it where not for G-D helping him, he would not be able [to overcome his yetzer hara].       Our yetzer hara is supposed to be this insanely powerfull......not only that but Kol Hagadol mechaveiro Yiotzro gadol Haimenu...whomever is greater than his freind , his yetzer hara is freater too.          But we have a debine help to overcome it. hashem wants to test us. he wants to make us kedosish Vitehorim. The Kli Yakar writed (?Parshas Pinchas?) that every Geder La'arayos brings to kedusha. Hashem gives us these Nisyonim to make us holy! we are capable of being ghreat and powerfull spiritual giants, if we just overcome the daily lusts of our workday. No ice cold mikva needed, sleep through the naitz minyan and you can still be a hailega Yid, a kadosh vetahor.        NBot only that but the sefarim write that davka in the the nisyonos we find hardest lie the graetest teeasures, when Bnei yisrael has Tzaraas on their homes...it was to reveal the treasure hidden in those walls by their previos inhabitants.    When we struggle over such vile, degrading, and beastly temptations....it's because are spiritual treasures lie just there, in overcoming it.    The slonimer rebbe in Nesivos Shalom  brings that hashem wants us to have spirituals ups and downs. That we should serve hashem when we are up, and stil persev ers despite the spiritual decay we suffer in our downs. Not only that (unknown source) but hashem akes us porposely stumble, to put us into these ruts, because he wants our avodah to be in fixing the klipot on this level....down in the gutter. Hashem can even lower a tzaddik to such levels, because they must be fixed by someone on that level.



Wow, 20 minutes ago while I started typing this I was thinking about calling quits after 2 weeks of no machshavos raos....but ater typing all this mussar....I'm gonna keep working twords my goal Ellul! 

ps (from taharas Hakodesh) Davka during a moment od sexual temtation is a HUGELY oppertune time to daven. Heres a few ides what to daven for:
"Hashem helpo me do this"
for unmarried "Hashem please let the person I wil marry have whatever attractive attrributes are making me want to look at this person"
Daven for business success, a childless couple, your children, mashgiach, achainu bnai yisrael, irriligios jews, daven for me!!

well  :-\ , my original goal was till Tisha Beav, and I made it a week more. I watched something i realy shouldn't have (holocost video), and the next think I know I wake up to find that I messed up.

Oh well two weeks was a very long time to go cold turkey, and on every area of tayvas nashim for that matter. so now that I know I can go 14 days, I nknow I can deffinitely make it untill Ellul! (The last thing I need to do is get depressed about this.)

Be'ezras Hashem, I hope to post back on Rosh chodesh Elul  that Iv'e done it.

Wow ShmiratEinayim, from your posts I can see a potential leader in Klal Yisrael who inspires Yidden davka in these areas. You have a good mind and a good attitude. And you know how "to learn" and to take the tamtzis out of what you learn. Such a person can be one day a Mashgiach or a Madrich who will one day know how to inspire people, davka because of what you went through in these vitally important years, with your own struggles. Sometimes, Hashem has great things in store for us, if we hear his calling and stay strong!

BTW. I sent your words out in today's Chizuk list. And I will probably take some of these ideas from your last post for future chizuk e-mails as well!

shemirateinayim, I disagree with one thing you wrote, about an unmarried person davening "Hashem please let the person I wil marry have whatever attractive attributes are making me want to look at this person". This is the wrong attitude. You should daven for a wife who will help you serve Hashem. Don't think that you'll find someone who has all the attractive attributes of all the beautiful women in the world. Of-course I'm not saying you should marry someone ugly. I'm sure you won't marry her if you aren't attracted to her... But no matter how attracted you are to your future wife, you will still always be able to see lust in the millions of other women who pass by you in the street. Every woman has something unique and desirable about her and you will never stop lusting with this attitude. Instead, you must daven to Hashem to remove "lust " from your heart. You must recognize that lust is a "poison" that comes from the Nachash Hakadmoni. And the nature of "lust" is that one who doesn't learn to eradicate it from their hearts, he will never get enough of it, until it ends up destroying him. We need to daven hard for Hashem to remove the disease of "lusting" from our hearts. It can be hard to daven for Hashem to take away something that we "think" we want. It takes greatness (or a lot of "hard-knocks") to see that what we think we want is really very bad for us. I know you can do it, you have greatness in you!

Guarduryeyes:

  It is very good what you wrote. It reminds me of something I saw in a blog a couple of years ago dealing with our issues. One person recommended that it could help, (for those of us who are married), to work on building much more intimate  relationships with our spouse.
  To make a very close inter-personal relationship with one's spouse will help us to see that the sexual aspect (desire) is focused on the one that we really should/do  value. If you really treat your spouse like we should, honoring her, appreciating her, giving her lot's of positive attention, it will make us love and value her much more. Then when we fulfill the mitzvah of Yachasim, we will see that we are doing it more out of the love, and the taivah is vented on the one that we love.
    It will be much easier to see that the lust for someone else, (a stranger) is really a very very empty relationship in comparrison.

Well It hasn't be going so well, although I am more inclined to be shomer einayim..the avairos I do in private are happening too frequently. The kabala to go till ellul wasn't strong enough and I didn't make it with enough of a desire to see it through. In truth, sadly, it would be VERY easy for me to pull it off, but sadly I am only mildly intereted in fighting my tayvos. I need another boost, to get shaken up real well. Untill I have the oppertunity to post again (and getting internet access is going to be very tricky-especialy since I'll be deleting the history...I don't want people to know I'm on this forum) I'll leave off with some chizuk/mussar that I've gathered. I hope it helps you, and not to mention, me.

R Efraim Waxman Shlita, bring (in the '3 weeks segment' of the chazak line) that a ratzon for RA is realy a Kisuy for a ratzon Tov. And a Ratzon is a very powerfull thing. For example, behind every thought or action that has ever ben done in history, was a ratzon that preceded it...the ratzon Hashem. When we ask hashem for something we say "yehi Ratzon Milafanecha". If we only had a Ratzon for Tov, we would be unstopable! Therfore nevery Ratzon for Tov MUST have a Kisuy (covering) of RA (bad), otherwise our ability to do good would be unstopable.       In addition, the Likutai Maran sees that hen someone sees a weakness in his character (a Negah Tzara'as on an area of himself) it's Davka in there that he has a treasure (the potential for greatness). We see this from when Bnai Yisrael came to Eretz Yisrael, and when someone would get tzara'as on their house, in addition to the oppertunity to do teshuva on the lashon hara that he said, it was an oppertunity to uncover the treasures that the emorim had hid behind that part of the home's walls. If he hadn't been tested by hashem in the avaira of lashon Hara (the weakness in character trait), he would never have uncovered the (physical) treasure buried in the walls of his house.       Additionaly (my addition) the kli yakar (parshas ? Pichas) says that every Geder La'arayos is Maivee Liydai Kedusha! The fact that Hashem exposed us to the worst thein ternet has to offer, gives us here on this forum the oppertunity to attain levels of kedusha that we would never have had the oppertunity to work on. But How? In the shulchan aruch, hilchos Iyshus, the paramaters of shemirat einayim are given very bluntly. Chazal have the athourity/responsibility to make Gedarim to safeguard us from avairos, and every single person should make gadarim for himself.       We who have sommany more things to stay away from have the oppertunity to make so many more gedarim.     The Average bachur who notices that a tzniusly derssed beis yakkov girl is walking down the street will (hopefully) just ignore her. But I'm much more sensitive than he is, and I would make an active an deliberate attempt to make shure that I don't have her even enter my field of vision. By the very fact that I come from such a rut, I have the abbility to far surpass him in levels of kedusha.



R Moshe Shapiro Shlita:
The very fact that a Rasha is alive, is a raiya that hecan do teshuva!
     The Rambam in hilchos teshuva (perek 3) states that when a person has Roiv Avairos..."Meyad Hoo Mais." And the Raiyvid asks on him , ay we see rashaim who are still alive??  SO the Brisker Rav (Maran Hagriz) brings from a seforno that the Midas Erech Apayim that alows a rasha  to contibue living, and not suddenly drop dead, is only so long as there's a posibility for him to do teshuva. But when smeone who has Roiv Aveiros is beyond tesguva (e.g. the dor hamabul) they drop dead.    The very fact that you are alive and reading this, confirms beyong any doubt that even if you would indeed be a rasha, there is still hope for you. You can still do teshuva. We can rest assured that we will never come to the stage where we can justifiablye be meya'aish from correcting our ways, if we where indeed there, we would already be dead.

feel free to share the divrai torah  ;D

I didn't wan't to use mt thread on the WOH, it gives me a bad feeling every time! But I just had to share this (in someplace other than 'my corner')


As I came down the stairs, singing "Vehi SHeamda..." a song that I ironicly picked up from one of the sista's, a woman entered the stairwell, so not wanting to look like too much of a meshugina, I slowed down a bit, and tunned it down to a humm.      but when I got to the bottom of the stairwell, I realized that if she turned left, I would be stuck behind her for 2 minutes, and if she turned right, I lacked the justification to be following her, even from outside of her 4 amos.    So I said "Im hasmol Veaimina, Veim Yamin Veasmeilah" Vekach haveh  :D.    Turns-out hashem wanted me to go back to the computers (right turn).

even my Y"H cracks me up!

OK I was bored and looking for old threads to dig-up.... I even found one of GUARDs originals in 'break free'

But I love saying torah, so here is an amazing vort from R Elimeilach Melizhensk  in his tzetle koton... not word for word, because I don't have the sefer next to me.... mah shehevanti metamtzuis devarav:

            To instill yiras shamayim, one should immagine as if someone where standing above him, waiting to punish him for every meage infraction of halacha.

my take: "Immagine the cold feel of a pistol on your forehead... immagine begging for mercy dor the sake of your family, your children, your wife, your parents..... immagine someone shmash you nuckles one by one with a hammer. slowly lowering your hand into a fruit juicer, the cold metal blade chipping away at the bones of your hand....    if you are gonna puke, either get a bag or stop reading..... immagine the red hot wire fillaments of a space heater, slowly being coilded around your legs, red hot knives pealing away at your flesh, peice by peice....... and memaila from immagining a me'ain of the tzaar in gehenom, the yirah will be instilled within you. Not from cruel and torturous punishments, but from being soteir the ratzon hashem"

my hesber: nekavim nekavim chalulim chalulim,  the tur is maarich to explain the niflaus haborei that we call human anatomy....and all of medicines discoverys since then have made our understanding of our guf, even a bigger neis!! Mibesari echzah elokah!!    it's not a darga, it's a davar pashut (we are just to dumb to understand the science behind it)              Do we ever stop to think that we may have no zchus kiyum? that we might realy deserve to cease existing?  The midas erech apayim of the ribono shel olam keeps us from dying on the spot... and nothing less than that. Although I do tend to use strong language, the rambam paskens lahalacha that 'rov aveiros...MIYAD HU MAIS'                                  when we are about to do an aveira, we should daven to hashem to spare our lives! Avada I may do it, and I am not on the level to overcome it (reffering to any aveira), but please ribono shel olam, retzoneinu la'asos retzoneiha,    keep us alive




I only saw this tzetel katan 3 days ago..... but the gory torture I utilized in EY for months on end...and mind you, those where CLEAN months.