There it is! I’m there! I did it! I’m 91 days clean! Thank you Hashem and GYE for this deliverance. Thank you Hashem and GYE for this simcha, during Yom Simchateinu!
My message is really: everything is possible! No despair! I’ve been addicted for 14 years, I tried a lot of things to get out of it, really, and the app literally saved me.
My story is this:
I fell in P&M when I was 15. Quickly I couldn’t get out.
I prayed, cried, studied the subject of the importance of Kedusha, made hitbodedout, made nedarim, made "punishments" if I fell by giving tsedaka, listened to videos of chizuk (GYE and Vayemaen), but I did not get there, I was too lenient towards myself. The addiction was too deep in me...
And what saved me was the app! The videos are tailored, adapted to the stage at which we are, there is the forum, the 90 days charter, the daily follow-up of success or failure etc... What helped me a lot was a post by someone on the forum (sorry I did not remember your name but you saved me) that told his method Taphsik, and I took the same: before allowing me a fall it was necessary to first do 50 push-ups, 50 abs, study 1 daf of gmara, and do 2 brachot on food. (in my physical conditions it is accessible and a little difficult, it takes me 40 minutes, the time that the urge passes). If I did all the protocol then a fall would cost me 50 dollars to put in tsedaka, if I fell without having done the protocol I had to give 1000 dollars to tsedaka. I never fell again since!
During these 90 days, there were two critical phases: First the beginning, the first 3 weeks. This difficulty is used to, I had rarely exceeded 3 weeks but I felt that it was feasible. I watched the custom videos every day, I noted my level of difficulty on the daily check.
And then after those 3 weeks, there was a lull, suddenly I felt good, like liberated, as if it had ended. But it was a trap. From the Day 40 to the Day 50 the temptation came back stronger, I had never experienced this, I thought I was going to go crazy! I couldn’t stand it anymore, I didn’t see the end. Fortunately the only tool at my disposal was the application, and I stayed on the application for 1 hour a day, if not more. And Baruch Hachem it worked. After Day 60, it became much easier, less urge, easier to resist. And since Day 70 I have no more urge at all Baruch hachem. During the difficult period, I was sad to have to leave this "fun" p&m, but today I understand how being free makes me much happier. Yes, a life without P&M is obviously better and meaningful.
I wish it for all of us ! Hag sameah'!
