Sick Man Getting Well wrote on 21 Jan 2011 15:21:


Thanks for your response, and Good Shabbos!  If I found out that I would NEVER get married????  That's my biggest fear in life since my teenage years.  I would melt down and probably contemplate...I won't even mention it.  I don't know what I would do? What's the purpose of life if I will never feel companionship?  Although I'm struggling, I prefer to think positively (I know it doesn't always show) and believe that I will get married sometime.  Everyone else gets married, why not me too?  Frankly, I've met nice girls and I constantly get suggestions so it's not like I'm a loser.  I have lots to offer.  Without giving away details to identify myself, I'm very smart, a professional with money, a very caring person with very good social skills.  If you met me in person, you would never know I have such painful problems underneath.

Finally, I agree with your gratitude comment.  I have lots to be grateful for, even if I am missing this important thing in my life.  I've made these gratitude lists before, but I'm pretty much obsessed about getting married.  It's all I deal with day and night, emailing and calling people for suggestions, for researching people (as a baal tshuvah, my parents are not doing this work for me), so I cannot just ignore the issue. 

I'm currently feeling better than that rambling post.  It's kind of a cycle: I'm happy, I get depressed and cry, then I recover.  I'm ok now.  But the cycle will repeat, it's just a matter of how long.  Sometimes, I can be happy for many months at a time.  Other times, not.

Dear Chaver,

You will, IY"H, get married in the proper time - hopefully soon!  In the meantime, taking care of yourself, physically, emotionally, and spiritually will make you a better person and a better catch for some lucky woman.  After all, you don't want your main selling point to be "He's someone who desperately wants to get married!"

How to implement this?  Good nutrition, including the appropriate dietary supplements (speak to a nutritionist if necessary, but optimal levels of omega-3 fatty acids and Vitamin D can significantly help with depression - I often order supplements from Koshervitamins.com), sufficient sleep (it's not a luxury), and exercise on most days (even if only a brisk walk) can go a long way to helping you feel better both physically and emotionally.

As for taking care of yourself spiritually, make sure you have a daily seder in learning, and that you use your commute time productively, such as by listening to Shiurim.  Consider doing volunteer work once or twice a week, or just give others Chizuk on GYE.  Have special Kavana in one Bracha during each Shemona Esreh (for the rest of the Brachos, try to at least have Kavana for the end of the Bracha; of course, Al Pi Halacha, the first Bracha of Shemona Esreh needs Kavana in its entirety).  Also, try to always feels gratitude to Hashem when you say Modim.

Much Hatzlacha!

Kedusha wrote on 21 Jan 2011 16:34:


Thanks for posting.  These are all good suggestions (nutrition, exercise, learning, volunteering, etc.).  Bli neder, I will look into the supplements, will try to exercise more (I don't exercise at all now), and will increase learning (I have daily shiurim but very minimal now).  I appreciate your input.  I guess I'll try to have a life before I'm married, which I didn't think was really possible before.

By the way, I'm now 33 days clean and counting.  I generally achieve what I put myself into, including staying clean, so I suppose if care enough, I could implement your suggestions too.

Wonderful!  Staying clean, of course, is essential for your physical, emotional, and spiritual well being.

Hello, just a quick update:

Since this is an "introducing yourself" board, I've started a separate thread in the "breaking free" board where I will continue to update, and leave this board to the introductions.  Thanks for all who have responded and please see my new thread:

http://www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=3441.msg94158#msg94158