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TOPIC: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 7009 Views

Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 29 Jul 2010 07:49 #75648

  • destructive cycle
Thank you 1daat for that post.
Firstly, I can assure you that I am no talmid chacham and don't claim to be one. If I were, I would not be on this site.  I would not have been a masturbating pervert for all those horrific years.  I am a mere simpleton.  So lets not look at it as if you are lecturing me or me lecturing you.  Rather, I look at it as two simple(at least I am simple) ovdei Hashem trying to understand the obligation that G-d set down for us.  The two of us are actually working together, sorta like a virtual chavrusa. Does that sound fair? I appreciate the open conversation.   

Anyway, I was referring to chapter 4, where he divides the areas of bitachon into two major categories - material mattes and spiritual matters. He then subdivides the categories into seven subcategories. He explains the importance of understanding this as the role of bitcahon is different for each one.  If you look in the fourth category, he explains the role of bitcahon in mitzvos, both physical ones and mental ones.  he explains that misuse of bitachon for these matters, by relying on Hashem for the wrong things, is a mistake and foolish.  Hashem will help complete the action, but we need to get it going on our own, with our choice, decision, planning, and physical exertion.  Please read the SA White book(page 26), where the author explains how realization of this yesod was a necessary lesson for recovery. 

I invite you to read my poetic letter to G-d (click here), where I struggle with these ideas in reality.

Regarding, Bill, I love 12 steps, but not much admiration for Bill.  He was a failure to his own system. Thank G-d his followers were a lot stronger than he was and created a magnificent system.  He died as perverted sex addict,. His connection to G-d had a lot to be desired.  He was all talk.  So, his statements are not really all that reliable.  If you look into your own recovery, you will see the role of knowledge.  Now what knowledge is important, is another question. And that depends on the recovery system.  On GYE, there is tons of information.  Without that, we would get no where.  But what perhaps Bill meant was that knowledge alone won't help you.  You can gather and gather more info and more info. But if you don't internalize it and implement, then you will get no where.  Reading books in a library won't heal you.  A bit clearer now?

Thank you so much for sharing with me your wonderful relationship with your Rebbe.  I can certainly understand why he enjoy learning with you.  You seem to be such a wonderful person and easy going.  You seem to have a real desire to learn.  Rebeim tell me the best talmidim are the ones that have a passion, not the ones that are smart and educated. 

By the way, I really enjoying listening to you.  I really want to know you better. Thanks so much for sharing. 

Be well my dear friend.

Oh, and by the way, wtih the encouragement  from "ur-a-jew", I am going to be changing my name.  He suggests "Straight Path". Scroll up for the meaning of this name.  I like the name a lot. But I am still open to suggestions. Any suggestions?

And after the name change, I am going for the big 90, and then for life.

See you all later.

-DC, hanging in there till the name change. 
Last Edit: 29 Jul 2010 13:14 by .

Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 29 Jul 2010 22:30 #75710

  • destructive cycle
Hope you all had a great day.

I am doing wonderful.  Staying sober, one day at a time.  That's what you guys like to say, so I will go along with it.  It definitely sounds nice. 

Tried signing up for Dovies super duper special virtual membership club.  It sounds really good.  No response yet.  I guess it is only for the elite.  Anyone here part of that club, can you tell Dov that I tried contacting him.

Gotta go sleep. It is way past my bedtime here in the holy land.

I would like to hear you thoughts about OCD and porn addiction and how to address the issues.

Thanks in advance for all your response.

Be well,

and...Good night.

Signing out,
-DC
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 30 Jul 2010 14:24 #75765

  • destructive cycle
Life was so great this week.  Things between me and my wife are getting back to normal.

I never want to be there again.

I want to thank you all for you great help.

WISHING YOU ALL A WONDERFUL SHABBOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 01 Aug 2010 05:49 #75799

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destructive cycle wrote on 29 Jul 2010 07:49:


Firstly, I can assure you that I am no talmid chacham and don't claim to be one. If I were, I would not be on this site.  I would not have been a masturbating pervert for all those horrific years.


I've met one, in particular whom I consider a friend and a brother, who is open and humble and no longer suffers in shame.  He is an example to me and others.

shavua tov
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 02 Aug 2010 17:52 #75871

  • Yosef Hatzadik
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destructive cycle wrote on 29 Jul 2010 07:49:

Thank you 1daat for that post.
Firstly, I can assure you that I am no talmid chacham and don't claim to be one. If I were, I would not be on this site.  I would not have been a masturbating pervert for all those horrific years.


guardureyes wrote on 30 Mar 2010 19:46:

frumfiend wrote on 29 Mar 2010 13:04:

I see there are really people on a level here that know all the standard musar and maybye more than the average ben torah and still fell.This is very comforting and makes me feel I found the Right place. 


We got this e-mail not long ago:

I am a Rov,Posek, Magid Shiur and Mechaber Sfarim. I have thousands of talmidim. I have been unsuccessfully battling this problem for at least 40 years. I read thouroughly the GYE handbook and would like to make the author my Rebbe. Kmoyim korim lnefesh ayefoh this masterpiece of Gadlos and Katnos has reinstilled a hope within me that maybe I can really be what my talmidim think I am.

And we got this e-maillast year:

Dear GUE

Sorry For anonymity but it would be a Chillul Hashem to show my real face. I am a prestigious michanich and respected marriage counselor. I helped allot of Bachurim and couples in their own sexual problems.But as chazal say "ain chovish matir atzmoh" I can't be in command of myself at all, I need access to the net for my profession, and being a computer guru and I have outsmarted the filters & locks.

If you would know who the writer is you would weep for weeks. I can't tolerate it any longer. It seems to me that he only way is by including outside help. However SLAA meetings are out of question due to my caliber, and letting my wife in does also not come in consideration (she knew I had net problem but does not know the ). Do you think I can be helped without blowing my secret?


Today this tzadik is a year and a half clean. So welcome to the club Marbitz!  :D
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 02 Aug 2010 21:33 #75880

  • destructive cycle
Thanks 1daat and Yosef, But I was actually referring to the Gemara in berachos 19a.    v'hameivin yavin 
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 02 Aug 2010 22:04 #75885

  • destructive cycle
Before going to sleep, a few quotes from SA, White book.

Derech agav, I corresponded with Rav Dov, and he pointed out to me that comments on SA White book are nice, but comments about myself are even better.  I think what he is saying is that we have to make sure after all the quotes and comments, etc..., we need to make sure that we are understanding ourselves.  So, please keep this in mind.

Now with that disclaimer, here we go:

SA White Book, page 31]
Actually, that other person was a slave; he was living in a world of fantasy and illusion, only for himself, and always alone. He had never matured through emotional adolescence and was spiritually dead. He could not cope either with his own emotions or with life in the big world out there, and was constantly running. Running to satisfy demands and lusts that could never be satisfied. Running from who he really was; running from others; running from life; running from God, the source of his life.
[/quote]

[quote= wrote
:


Conning ourselves time and again that the next one would save us, we were really losing our lives.


[quote="SA White Book, page 41]
This new-found "friend" not only seems to reduce our inner conflict, boredom, and negative emotions, but also offers us fusion, validation, and a false sense of aliveness. As a matter of fact, all of these effects are false or at best only temporary. What seems to promise life is really taking away our lives.
[/quote]
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 02 Aug 2010 23:37 #75887

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destructive cycle wrote on 02 Aug 2010 21:33:

Thanks 1daat and Yosef, But I was actually referring to the Gemara in berachos 19a.    v'hameivin yavin 

It took a while, but I did figured out what you mean.  :-[
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 17 Aug 2010 06:34 #76685

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DC,

I have been out of the loop for a while, so I came on here to catch up with how you are doing and B"H it seems that you are doing great!

Just wanted to check in and say hi.

Also that I continue to be inspired by you - II thought you were going to change your name though - what happened to that?!

Keep in touch,

Haleivi
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 18 Aug 2010 21:56 #76815

  • destructive cycle
To all my dear friends,
Sorry I have been away for a while.  I have a wonderful announcement to make.  I finally decided to change my name. My old name was "destructive cycle". Asn my new name is  "Maaglei Tzedek".  I was encouraged by my dear friend, "ur-a-jew" to do this.  When I asked for suggestions, he gave me "Straight Path" (see below for explanation). When I asked halevey he gave me the following suggestions: Washing Cycle, Bicycle, Try-cycle, and Virtuous Cycle  (see below for explanation). The name "Maaglei Tzedek" is a combo between "Virtuous Cycle" and straight path and it bears other significance. 


ur-a-jew wrote on 28 Jul 2010 14:33:

DC or SP (for Straight Path) because in my view the "problem" is the cycle that keeps on going around.  The solution is to go on a straight path.  Sure there are ups and downs but the point is you want to be getting closer to your destination and not simply going in circles.


Haleivi76 wrote on 30 Jul 2010 11:47:

Perhpas you might want to go for something a little closer to your original name, but in a more positive way - say for example:

Washing Cycle - you are going to come out clean
Bicycle - It takes a lot of effort to push those pedals, but it's worth it!
Try-cycle - You are trying to break out of the cycle!

or my personal favourite

Virtuous Cycle - you will change the negative that you have been on for a long time into a positive one - I believe in you and so do we all. I know you can do it and this name will show you that you can too.
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 20 Aug 2010 07:25 #76907

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Maaglei Tzedek,

I love that name - great choice.

Perhaps you could help with a suggestion for the name for my new baby's name (To be born B'shaa Toiva U'mutzlachas just after Succos.) I am really struggling for something appropriate!!

Seriously though, I am so proud of the way that you have turned things around. When I cast my mind back to your early posts, and contrast them to how you have grown, I am mindblown!!!

'Nuff respec'

Your friend and brother,

Haleivi
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 22 Aug 2010 07:04 #76961

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Mazel Tov on your new name.  So we need a moyel?  A Pideon?  May you grow in Yiddishkeit and  continue bringing your Father great nachus.  Amen.

btw.  I re-read Chovos Halevavos Shar Bitachon perek 4.  I understand, I think, what you were saying.  But, and this may be over the top arrogant, or ignorant, or both, but even on re-reading  it still seems to me that the discussion doesn't hold for me as an addict.  I guess we could go round about this.  but I also think you are so clear and rejoicing in your own avodah, that for me, that's all I care about for  you.

It's good to hear of your MAJOR hatzlocho.  Stay in touch.
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 23 Aug 2010 20:30 #77043

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Maaglei Tzedek, I like it.

Rashi on the words in Tehilim במעגלי צדק
says
בדרכי מישור
שלא אפול ביד אויבי

So I see your new name as one in the same with straight path. 

You may also be interested to know that in his introduction to the Sefer Maaglei Tzedek (written by Rav Gavriel Miller a dayan from Matesdorf)(courtesy of Hebrewbooks.org) the mechaber indicates that he chose the name based on the possuk "Ayzehu Derech Yoshro ..." "What is the Straight Path . . ."  I can't tell you everything esle he says because the sefer is written in Yiddish but I was able to discern that much. 

I hope your Elul is going well.  Continued Hatzlacha at sobriety, recovery and not falling into the hands of the enemy.
Help free Sholom Rubashkin by giving him the zechus of Shemiras Eiynayim.  www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2809.0
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 30 Aug 2010 05:05 #77341

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Nu?
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Re: And the wheels keep turning, it just keeps coming back... 30 Aug 2010 20:09 #77387

  • destructive cycle
Thanks Guys. Sorry, I have so little time to write and I try to stay away from the computer when I do not really need it.  And when I do, i try to use it for what I intended it for.

I am doing well, B"H. a few nisyonos here and there, but survived them, B"H.

B"H, my wife and I finally finally installed a filter on her computer.  I have been nervous to bring this topic up with her for a long time, but in this past week's mishpacha one of the columnists wrote about the internet addiction. My wife pointed out that she has no filter on her computer. and i said, indeed.  OK, so lets do it. And we installed it. Obviously she has the  password. 

Have a good one!

-MT
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