Hi
I am 22 years old and have struggled with being shomer habris ever since i can remember. I am going to be living at home for the summer where there is unfiltered internet access. I already am slipping more. I do not feel comfortable asking my parents to install one. Ive gone a month or two but not more. I feel bad now but in a day or two I always push the thoughts of how bad it is out of my head.
I signed up for a sponsor on thursday(anyone know the standard response time?) and i think i need someone to hold me accountable.

Dear joe,

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. You need to be strong and ask your parents to install a filter. Have them listen to this shiur. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

One of our goals on GYE is to help people "hit bottom while still on top" so they will take recovery seriously. To explain better what I mean, please see this page. If you're here, it means you're already taking serious steps in recovery, so keep up the good work!

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. The lay down the cornerstone of all our work at GuardYourEyes. Before the GYE handbook people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, someone with a low level addiction wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences", putting in filters etc... For the first time ever, this handbook details all the techniques and tools dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now, anyone can read it through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook to the next tools, as the suggestions become progressively more "addiction-oriented".

We suggest printing out the handbooks and reading it them at least once. Then, we suggest going back and reading them again slowly on the computer, and this time pressing on the many links that are found in the different articles.

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

Hey Joe,

Hope you are doing well. There are many people on this site dealing with the same problem. I'd recommend you to browse through this website, and to try to learn from other people's struggles. There are many people that have been on this site for a while and it is very helpful to read their posts because you'll be able to get a better understanding of what this struggle is all about. You will also start seeing patterns. You'll see what works and what doesn't. For example, you'll see that falls can lead to yiush which can lead to many more falls. Many people have different ways of dealing with this problem and you'll be able to see what works for you. I also find that being on this site deters me from doing an aveira. Whenever I post on someone's thread, I try to apply it to myself. Getting involved will definitely do you some good. You may also want to join the 90 day wall. If you want to call me until you get a partner, feel free to send me an email, I'll send you my number.

P.S Shmiras started a thread for single guys so feel free to drop by.

www.guardyoureyes.org/forum/index.php?topic=2702.0

Installed.

Joe, I recently received a private email from a 17 year old living at home who had put hundreds of
dollars on his parents credit card talking on sex phone lines.  He was in israel at the time and when
he got home to the US his parents asked him about it.  He told them he knew nothing about it.

He wrote asking me if he should continue to lie or tell his parents the truth.  I told him that
life was short and if he truly wanted to get into Shidduchim and start his life off right, he
couldn't live a lie the rest of his life.  I told him exactly what to say to his parents  - to tell them
the truth.  He wrote me after Shabbos and said he told his parents and they were very happy
he did.  If you Chas V'Sholom had a serious illness would you hide it from your parents?

This disease can kill us if we let it go too far.  If your parents have the passowrd and you
dpn't they can use the internet unfiltered and you'll have it filtered.  Simple as that.  All
you have to say is you don't want the opportunity of pushing the wrong button and
seeing those sites so you'd like their help.    If they say, NO, then maybe you need to
put the password on for THEM  ;D.  Seriously if you truly want to stop take the first step.

Elya

Hi Joe and welcome to GYE!!

First thing I need to tell you from one newbie to another is that just taking the courage to sign up here and tell us all about your situation is a major step, so a big sh'koiach. You have to know though that this is not a problem that will disappear, you have to make it go. All of us here have been in the same place you are at and we have all realised that we have to make some pretty huge changes to our lives to break the routines that we have learnt and the traps we have continued to fall into.

You identify summer break as having always been a major issue for you because of the unfiltered access. You MUST do something about it. If you do not, you are setting yourself up for a fall, literally and metaphorically. If telling your parents the truth is a little too much for you right now, why don't you tell them that you heard from friends that they have had computer viruses destroy their hard drives because they have by mistake clicked on pop ups that came up when they were on certain sites and that a filter would help protect the computer from that - or come up with some other reason. Whatever you tell them, make it convincing.

Step 2 is to spend the time that you might otherwise have done on the computer looking at p**N, use it instead to browse GYE, read lots, post lots and every time you feel weak, shout to your sponsor.

Step 3 Definitely join the 90 days program. You will get a lot out of it IY"H.

If you need any help at any time, please feel free to PM me - I will help all I can.

For now I wish you Brocho Ve'Hatzlocho on this journey that you are beginning.

Kol Tuv

Haleivi