On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the most wrong, you were a 10.

The reason for this is due to the fact that you slipped completely.  The fact that you had strength built up inside of you does not factor into whether or not you were right or wrong.  You asked whether you were wrong based upon 3 things: A: "Brute force" will have a negative effect that will just precipitate a fall.  B: The difference in level of difficulty between the Y"H of today and of tomorrow.  C: My ego will be boosted so I can justify trying to do something I probably can't, on the off chance that I do manage to accomplish it and will look like a hero (to myself).

Let us answer out of order and go to "B" first.  You say
Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 01 Feb 2011 03:19:

If you don't defeat the YH of now there is no relevance to the YH of later.  If you try to defeat the YH of later before defeating the YH of now, than the YH of now has already won, and guess what? You're done.  So this starts you off at a 10.

Next lets move to "A".
What you seem to be claiming is that your brute force would not have a positive effect even though you just said yourself that your friend was calling in three minutes.  If your friend was calling in three minutes (as an aside: if you ever get a call from a partner to give them a call in x amount of time, call them NOW) your brute force would have carried you over that time and upon receiving this call you would have been able to hear him out and listen to why you shouldn't fall any further.  Now you would be placing your actions in his hands and by doing so you would negate your fears of relapse since you wouldn't have any guilt over not allowing yourself to view these sights, since it wasn't you that stopped you from seeing them .  Rather it was just "brute force"used as a carryover and then your partners action that saved you.

Still at a 10.

Finally we address "C".  The answer to this is combined with the answer to "B" in a way.  You only wanted to boast to your friend that you had succeeded, yet you were really using this as a justification.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 01 Feb 2011 03:19:


You attempted to justified your actions by claiming that since you have already begun to receive help (the small words) you are no longer acting on your own and therefore, whatever occurs is not as a result of your own actions, but rather they are probably fine since, once again, I got help already. This is not an incentive, like you wish to think it was.  This is a beautiful diversionary tactic by the YH.  By thinking that you have the added incentive of making yourself look good in the eyes of your friend, you are in effect taking out anything that could possibly be affecting the situation negatively, and casting it in a positive light. Now, anything that you do will in your mind, be offset by an eventual victory that you claim to be heading toward with the justification of doing whatever can cause an eventual fall. 10.  ??? ??? ??? ???

10. 20. 30. /3=10

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 01 Feb 2011 03:19:


Thank you, Reb RisingUp, for thinking about my words & taking the time to respond.



Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 01 Feb 2011 03:19:

RisingUp wrote on 01 Feb 2011 04:12:

I expected some slack, but I didn't think I will be rated soooooo bad!

Am I still allowed to use the name Yosef Hatzadik? 

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 01 Feb 2011 15:09:

as long as you keep both ends of the passuk:
כי שבע יפול צדיק וקם


p.s. the kvitlach and pidyonos might have to wait though

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 01 Feb 2011 15:26:


BTW, that 'episode' was not a Fall or even a 'slip'. I did not view anything improper. My question was how improperly I handled a dangerous situation?

ok, sorry, you are right

here is my kvittel along with $120 worth of GYE-points

זמירות שבת בן זמירות יו"ט להצלחה בגו"ר


KOT

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 01 Feb 2011 15:09:


That's because the answer I gave to "B" really deserved a 50 out of 10.  Since that's not possible I just made the other two also 10's.  In either case ("A","C") they were both at least an 8.5 on their own  (Only because they are diversionary tactics, which are the hardest to avoid, do you get some points back on them.)

And yes, you will retain your name, Because you did show the inner resolve in the end.

The Yetzer Horah works in stages: hayom omer lo assei kach, u'lemachar omer lo assei kach, until, at the end, he leads us into the worst.

The Yetzer Horah of NOW is not suggesting I do the really bad stuff. The Yetzer Horah of NOW was not even trying to get me into semi-bad stuff. His tactic was to get me to start looking at 'interesting' articles & pics. I happen to know where that will lead me to.

By giving in the Yetzer Horah of NOW, the main failing is that I am putting myself into his clutches. By preparing an escape hatch I was preempting his next move.

While recognizing that it may not be the proper & ideal course of action, I do disagree that it should rank a 50 on a scale of 1 to 10.




P.S. Seeing all the pics & links that some of the chevra post, I find it hard to believe that all of you think that it is improper to browse & look for interesting stuff. 

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 02 Feb 2011 18:25:

The Yetzer Horah is here every day.  And just like yesterday you didn't let him in.  Today you shouldn't either.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 02 Feb 2011 18:25:

It's schmutz don't let him convince you otherwise.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 02 Feb 2011 18:25:

Yes it will be geferlach.  It's schmutz he just wants you to convince yourself otherwise.  If you are unsure about this why don't you call your Rov and ask him.  I am looking at _______ and reading _________, Rebbi is it schmutz? is it ossur? should a ben torah like me be doing that? should a holy yid be doing this?

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 02 Feb 2011 18:25:

Now that's Yosef Hatzaddik for you.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 02 Feb 2011 18:25:


The tziddkus is blinding is.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 02 Feb 2011 18:25:


8).  We need the sunglasses to look towards you.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 02 Feb 2011 18:25:


Kol Hagodal Maychavero, Yitzro Godol Haymenu.  Hold on tight, we are rooting for you and you can keep clean just for today, which is all you have to worry about right now.

Yetzer Horah is here today. I am working on an unfiltered computer (temporarily). YH wants me to search for stuff that 'border on shmutz while they are technically not shmutz themselves. I have been doing that for a while. It is hard to stop. I know that in the past such behavior led to ......  But, I like such things......  I like being clean. If I would have some sort of guarantee that I won't go any worse places than my current urges it wouldn't be so geferlach. Chazal say ein apatrupus l'aroyos - there are NO guarantees. I anticipated this nisayon so while driving to work I asked a dear GYE friend to call me periodically to 'keep an eye on me'. First time he called I couldn't answer the phone. As soon as I returned to my desk, I continued looking at those things. later my friend called again. I took the call this time. I still couldn't speak at length, so I just told him that it was good that he called now, thanked him & hung up. I closed the browser window. I came here. The urge to take advantage of the unfiltered internet is still here.

Explanation needed.

Yosef Hatzadik posted a post. Ur-a-Jew reply by quoting it. Meanwhile, Yosef Hatzadik removed his original post. After he saw that Ur-a-Jew had replied, he put it back up. Therefore, the reply ended up earlier than the post it is replying to!

Why did Yosef Hatzadik remove his post? Because even on an anonymous forum he is a Baal Gaavah. He wants to project an image of Mr. Good Guy. He is here for a while. He posts in the Bais Medrash, etc. Why did he decide to leave it? Why is he posting this post? Because he was influenced by Ben Durdaya's post over here.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 02 Feb 2011 19:02:


Hey, I thought I was the only BAAL GAAVAH here (notice the allcaps when you only used initial caps) I must  be a bigger BG than you are (so there). 

I posted about my gaavah
problem is:
I am still feeding it!
I am telling myself that the chevra will see it & say:
WOW!
Look at how honest Yosef hatzadik is!
He is breaking his gaavah
he is a really GOOD guy
(& why am I telling you this? same reason!)
(& why am I telling you THIS? Also same reason!)
etc.

anava is like jellyfish

if you squeeze it real hard it slips away

and i am also a REALLY BIG BAAL GAAVA jellyfish
let the good times roll

I recently heard over from Reb Wolbe on this issue.  Which means that what you are experiencing in human nature.  We all want to perceived as good and perfect.  If I understood it correctly, Rav wolbe says that the feeling of gaavah that comes when we are working on improving ourselves comes from the feeling that we have reached our goal.  And therefore I can say to myself look I am better than the other guy.  But if we realize that the avodah is the training itself, there is no room for gaavah since we are never finished the training.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 02 Feb 2011 19:09:

agreed!