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Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech!
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TOPIC: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 65590 Views

Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 24 Feb 2010 20:01 #55267

  • Yosef Hatzadik
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Can someone please explain to me why when I try to reply, the little window for writing just keeps scrolling to the top. It is very hard to write when I cannot see what I am writing.

Is this meant for me to practice Shmiras Einayim??? ???
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 24 Feb 2010 20:30 #55280

  • Elya K
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No, its meant to test your nerves to see how long you can go without breaking your keyboard.
This has been an ongoing problem on the board for people who write long posts.
Yes, the board, the internet, email, Iphones, can all become addictive.  The same way
you create a balance, you do it here.  Set aside a 1/2 hour a day and that's it.  Or whatever.
But spending hours on the computer is not good for you or anyone.  The same addictive chemicals
are activated and it just forces you to want to waste time and eventually fall, C'V.

Elya
Presently one of the GYE hotline moderators for couples struggling with Shmiras Eiynaim issues in their marriage.  Elya is the author of 2 books, Help Her Heal with Carol Sheets for partners of SA and his latest book, Hey!What About Me: How to become a priority in a world of distraction, impulsivity and indifference. 
https://mailchi.mp/allanjkatz/ztm0vcbin4
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 24 Feb 2010 21:37 #55314

  • imtrying25
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Many of us have had this posting problem. try changing to google chrome. ever since ive changed over i have never had this problem since.
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 25 Feb 2010 00:47 #55361

  • Dov
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What? I never have this problem, SE. I just write, write, and keep on writing until I see "GEUYAERSDEYYEOYUERSE", or pass out......MAMB, man.
Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 25 Feb 2010 03:10 #55375

  • shemirateinayim
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Read the thread I started in 'Break Free', you are merely replacing your addictive compulsions with GYE.  The US government saw fit to so the same with morphine addicts. Morphine is costly, and proves addictive to those suffering from extensive pain. So the US Gov. developed HEROIN. A sister drug, to serve as a cheaper subsitute.  But all those former soldiers wounded inbattle went from being addicted to morphine, to being heroin junkies. 

At the end of the day, I DO personaly advise using a sister drug, a kosher one, and even better if it involves harbatzas hatorah!! However it does nothing for the cure (and may have side effects -- no guilt). Read the recent posts from tomim here http://rehab-my-site.com/guardureyes/forum/index.php?topic=1857.0.

Start the 12 steps and apply it to all the various representations of your addiction.
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 25 Feb 2010 10:22 #55408

  • me
I will try to anwer for you:

"Your addiction to lust, and Your addiction to GYE.....is the same addiction.....sort of."

Didn't Yosef Hatzadik answer Pharoh like this with his dreams?

Someone, (like ourselves) experiencing addictive type behaviors, must not think that it is limited to only one thing...lusting.

Addiction is a symptom of a deeper problem that one is somewhat "out of control". We have difficulty in our lives placing G'vulot on what we do. If we can't maintain our G'vulot, then we will wonder off into a place of lusting.  If we cannot use G'vulot to "keep" us in a good place, then we go "out of control". So,now you are addicted to GYE. Your dreams are all one dream.
  You must, (no matter how difficult it will be), make up a g'vul on how much time you will spend on posting, and do this before you begin. And, if you wish to really help yourself, then it must be Y'harog, V'al Ya'avor.   

  We here have all left our protective fences, and boarders years ago, and now it manifests itself wherever we go. We pashut have lost our restrictions in life.
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 25 Feb 2010 17:31 #55464

  • Yosef Hatzadik
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Fantastic, what you guys are telling me is that I have cut out a large part of my life. Can I just choose to breath for half an hour, twice a day? Just kidding. I understand you all. So from now on, you may have to wait a while to receive my wise replies...
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 25 Feb 2010 21:05 #55509

  • silentbattle
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Me, is that really a good idea? Sometimes, even if posting takes up a lot of time, it can help ensure that we don't use the time to do other things...

Make sure that you give yourself enough time posting that you feel connected, have time to post and open up, and relate to others.

I hope to continue hearing your wisdom, Reb Yosef!
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 25 Feb 2010 23:07 #55524

  • shemirateinayim
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SB I will answer that for you.  I use GYE as a "sister drug" for the "whitewash" feeling I get from p---. Although this doues not subsitutue alot of the adrenaline rush, and se--- arousal that p--- provides. The distraction of trying to read all the new posts, and spoending the time to type an answer, is a great alternative.

But by using a "sister drug" even if it's torah umitzvot, and at worse a chessed to the tzibbur.... the addiction is merely being fed. We have to break the pattern, and find the cure. Not subsitute our frug. I elaborated on this elsewhere today.

*just a thought, are we truly 90 days clean, if we use the forum as our crutch?*

the chizuk is a great idea, and the guidance too, but if we abuse the distraction, we are merely settling for a less potent drug, but our mindset and neurological patterns remain intact.  where is our next fix? GYE
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 25 Feb 2010 23:50 #55532

  • Dov
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shemirateinayim wrote on 25 Feb 2010 03:10:
Start the 12 steps and apply it to all the various representations of your addiction.
Just to throw in my two cents: There are many who say "I tried/did/worked the 12 steps", and they mean they read a book, answered the questions, did some writing assignments and followed the program to the end....

But they did it all alone.

Just a little plug for "the program" as I know it:
Working the steps in the context of daily life was and is absolutely essential for me. Real tools for real daily living (without our mish'gas) is what we need here, not just 'medicine'. "guump! I swallowed it - it's done!" is a recipie for more disappointment. And we all have had enough of that! It must take time and be real, and it's worth the trouble. We are worth the trouble.
To actually do this - for me and others I know who are doing it - requires a real live chevra, or at least: a real live friend who is also doing it. I couldn't work the steps alone (I tried for two years) and I can't seem to successfully use them alone today, either.

Just my experience. Besides, it's really an amazing adventure! Why hog it all to ourselves?

Hatzlocha whatever y'all do!

Admin put these lines here cuz he likes 'em:
"The heart needs to be broken when will-power is not enough"
"Get off the 18-Wheeler and onto a tricycle!"
"The heck with me, what can I do for you?"
"I do not particularly care exactly which "lav" suicide is. I'm not interested in it for other reasons!"
Last Edit: by .

Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 26 Feb 2010 07:48 #55591

  • silentbattle
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SE - here's the problem - when someone is starting off, opening up about this issue is essential, and most people don't have a lot of ways to do that, other than GYE. By the same token, we can feel open and real and comfortable here, which is something that, at least until we start to catch our balance again, we don't feel in real life - because we're desperately hiding a major part of ourselves.

Would you say that someone who spends a lot of time with the people who care about him, is addicted to friendship? Especially when he needs that friendship most?
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 26 Feb 2010 13:35 #55614

  • shemirateinayim
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sharp point, and although there is a globaly recognised concept of spending too much time with freinds, and neglecting responsibilities....that requires a different approach (learning responsibility). Athough I wouldn't be surprised of the 90 days worked for that too.
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 26 Feb 2010 20:04 #55651

  • silentbattle
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Agreed - and I know that I've had to balance going on GYE. ANd yes, everyone needs to find their own balance, in their own time - but at the beginning, I would think that itm ight be better to err on the side of caution, and spend too much time here.

People who are alcoholics go into detox, and can spend says, or weeks (I think) of their life just to get a start on being clean. Being clean is worth the time. After we have some distance, we can start balancing it.

That's my opinion. (and don't you dare disagree! :D :D)
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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 28 Feb 2010 08:19 #55688

  • shemirateinayim
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i WHOLELY AGREE

use GYE to fill the void, as you work on the 12

Shouldn't we add this as a preface to the steps....finding a temporary subsitute, of a "safer" nature??

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Re: Tov veyoshor Hashem al kein yoreh chata'im baderech! 01 Mar 2010 15:16 #55771

  • silentbattle
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I don't think it's exactly a substitute - but I think that even the SA meetings can be extremely time consuming (especially when you factor in travel), and beginners can sometimes go every day...but it's worth it - it gives us that feeling of connection, of opening up, etc.

So, I think that it IS the preface to the 12 steps.
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