מזמור לתודה כי טוב השם
255 days of Tahara.
255 days ago I was in an entirely different place in life. I was thinking about 70 days and even that was a stretch. What changed?
255 days ago was in denial of the unnecessary hardships I was putting myself through, emotionally and spiritually. As some of the significant structures in my life fell apart, I discovered a new me. Being clean has been the unavoidable proof that I am not the weak loser my yetzer hara wants me to think I am. I have a very long way to go, and I have so much to uncover within me and to learn, but I have allowed myself to go where I would never have before - to taste emotional closeness with Hashem.
When @vehkam spoke about this it seemed so foreign to me, I had been there somewhat in the past and abandoned it due to being made to feel its wrong and dangerous. Hashem had compassion on me and pushed me towards Him in a way I couldn't ignore.
255 days ago I had friends, but none like the new ones I have made here. This is an incredibly high level group of individual from diverse backgrounds who are genuinely serious about life and God. That may be the hardest thing to find in this world.
255 days ago I didn't imagine giants the likes of @HHM and @vehkam existed. To me, their iron resolve and belief they display in themselves and their belief in others is an unavoidable call to action in every important area of life.
255 days ago I was healthier, happier in marriage, employed and well paid, and an appreciated and significant part of a community.
Today I find myself and family facing some (BH not serious) health challenges, major marriage work, unemployment, and searching for a community.
But somehow, today I am infinitely happier. Today, I have much more bandwidth to enjoy and appreciate all the incredible blessings surrounding me. I have the capacity to connect to the gifts Hashem is constantly giving me, and to the fact that He seeks that I relate to Him.
The challenges have been coming thick and fast, and there have been some very dark moments (just take a look upthread). I feel that being clean has given me a huge boost in strength to face what's sent my way.
עד הנה עזרונו רחמיך ולא עזבונו חסדיך, ואל תטשנו לנצח
Thank you everyone, KOT, Godspeed, Lechayim, and כתיבה וחתימה טובה!
