hi
so its very difficult for me to write but i want to try my best .
 ive unfortunately been at this for years form shortly after my bar mitzvah, ive actually been here on this forum a few years back but i cant remember the name of that account so ive created a new one.
this time circumstnaces are differnet and i im taking much more tangible steps towards recovery then what ive ever done previously, even more then when i joined here back then and posted (which was a huge deal for me in its own right).
one of the things i plan to do is post here and keep updating.
BH at this point ive 2 and a half weeks clean which is pricless on its own right even if i were CH"V to slide right back now.
ive never had such a yom tov which although there was lots of stress was so uplifting to be clean, and it was from before Yom Kippur so i felt that טהרה continuing on something ive never had before.

Amazing keep it up! Want to share some of the steps youve taken?

i am bit confused by the site, can some please explain me a bit or link to where its explained what are these points i keep on getting, and it shows to colors and types of points and i really cant figure out what they mean.
i was thinking maybe on is base points and one is like extra credit, but as i said i dont really get much at all so i would appreciate some clarification
thanks

You might find this helpful.

welcome (back?) to gye! 

1. started going on this site and im actively working on the f2f program and incorporating tools in my life (vs last time when i was just "noshing around").

2. my wife found out about this (more about that another time)
which then brings me to 
3. finally filtered all my devices (without the ability of asking my wife to open it and then having it open further ect.).

4. i went to speak to my rov and i unloaded it all, this is the first person with whom i have ever shared any of this in the 15 years im struggling.
ive already spoken to him twice and i asked him if he can check in on me in 2 weeks so that i have a real live person that i see in shul daily that i would be embarrassed of, to which he agreed.

5. ive reached out here for a accountability partner and am in the process of setting it up.

6. i reached out for professional help (though at this moment im not sure if i will go through with that).

i some comments to share on various points which i hope to do in the coming days, but in the meantime any comments or thoughts would be appreciated.

Why not try talking to HHM?

ive already reached out (after seeing enough threads in which this was the first suggestion), and now my next step is too find a time to actually call him

You don't need much time for it, he's straight to the point. Go for it!

3 weeks BH!!

25 days BH!

Bh this covered most of Tishrei, and as we enter cheshvan and the regular year i go with a tefilah that may this spill over and effect the entire year.

amazing.. keep going

zzz613 wrote on 11 Oct 2023 04:44:

something else that i forgot to mention is being more careful with my learning commitments plus trying to add more (small things).
this is a very important one in the spirit of what Chazal tell us בראתי תורה תבלין and many more
and as we know that שאין מחשבת עריות מתגברת אלא בלב פנוי מן החכמה, so in this spiritim working on strengthening my learning. 

i feel that hashem is really helping me.
there was a large learning project that i had wanted to take on  for some time but never did because i couldnt find a chavrusa for it, and just recently as im thinking about putting in more effort to learn a good friend wit whom ive learnt before approached me and aske me if i want to learn this thing together.
its a big deal and we're still working on scheduling it but i really excited for this opportunity that Hashem gave, and it really makes me feel that hashem is helping me in my struggle.

Bh today was 30 days!
thats a whole month of staying clean from porn, staying clean from m, staying clean form obsessing over women, and keeping my eyes guarded.
a month with a heightened sense of connection with hashem!!

congrats keep it up, hope this gives u hope to keep on going