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TOPIC: My story 237 Views

My story 06 Oct 2022 14:48 #386296

  • Am Haoretz
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Hi all, new person introduction here:

I'm 21, and my addiction started when i was around 15-16. part of a very frum, chumrahdike family. i had some friends from school/yeshiva that were more exposed, had their own smartphones etc and would often discuss random news, movies, worldly things. but being teens they wound up talking about or hinting porn, eventually I got a flip phone with a browser, but then moved pretty quickly to smartphones. back then i spent more time on other smartphone stuff like movies and social media, online friends, so porn wasn't at the forefront of my mind and i would fall maybe once a week or so, once i was actually roped in it got worse over the years. being very good with technology obviously didn't help things, filters were useless, whether they were on my device or on the network etc. when desperate i would even resort to downloading illegally in places like public libraries and internet cafes for later use on flip-phones. It was

At some point when i was 18-19 I started the never ending cycle of "quitting", telling myself that i would quit for this special day, that special day, but obviously that never worked and maybe lasted a week or 2. Sometimes i would compromise and only give up masturbation whilst still watching porn without doing anything, which of course did nothing to help me stop.

The longest i ever did was for my 20th birthday (i told myself "new decade, be different etc") but 30 days after my birthday i gave in. I'm approaching my 22nd birthday, i couldn't even make it past tzom gedalia after an inspiring rosh hashona without giving in. I'm on a 2 day streak now, erev yom kippur and yom kippur. i signed up to GYE last night because there is no other way i can manage.

A huge thank you for simply existing and giving me the hope that I can do this.

Re: My story 06 Oct 2022 14:55 #386298

  • yidel lebo
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you took a clever step

Re: My story 06 Oct 2022 15:25 #386303

Am Haoretz wrote on 06 Oct 2022 14:48:
Hi all, new person introduction here:

I'm 21, and my addiction started when i was around 15-16. part of a very frum, chumrahdike family. i had some friends from school/yeshiva that were more exposed, had their own smartphones etc and would often discuss random news, movies, worldly things. but being teens they wound up talking about or hinting porn, eventually I got a flip phone with a browser, but then moved pretty quickly to smartphones. back then i spent more time on other smartphone stuff like movies and social media, online friends, so porn wasn't at the forefront of my mind and i would fall maybe once a week or so, once i was actually roped in it got worse over the years. being very good with technology obviously didn't help things, filters were useless, whether they were on my device or on the network etc. when desperate i would even resort to downloading illegally in places like public libraries and internet cafes for later use on flip-phones. It was

At some point when i was 18-19 I started the never ending cycle of "quitting", telling myself that i would quit for this special day, that special day, but obviously that never worked and maybe lasted a week or 2. Sometimes i would compromise and only give up masturbation whilst still watching porn without doing anything, which of course did nothing to help me stop.

The longest i ever did was for my 20th birthday (i told myself "new decade, be different etc") but 30 days after my birthday i gave in. I'm approaching my 22nd birthday, i couldn't even make it past tzom gedalia after an inspiring rosh hashona without giving in. I'm on a 2 day streak now, erev yom kippur and yom kippur. i signed up to GYE last night because there is no other way i can manage.

A huge thank you for simply existing and giving me the hope that I can do this.

Hey! Welcome to the gye team! I’m a fellow bachur (22 years old) and I know exactly what you’ve been going through. I’ve been caught in that vicious cycle waaay to many times of trying to quit and failing and starting over again. I got taught what porn was when i was 7-8 years old and it was a downhill streak from there for the last 15 years…

I signed up to gye pesach time last bein hazmanim and it’s been a life changer ever since! You will see that you will be able to break free! This is not just another “I’m going to stop” and then fail. The fact that you had the courage to sign up and post your story already shows how much strength you have!! So, I’d suggest that you look around the different threads on the forum to familiarize yourself with what’s going on, and keep posting.
looking forward to hearing great things from you!!

-ftc

ps. Feel free to drop me an email whenever you want. My email address in in my signature.
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: My story 06 Oct 2022 18:50 #386311

  • Captain
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Welcome!

Please check out these great free resources:
ebook- The Battle of the Generation
Audio series- The Fight
They're very good to start with.
See below in my signature for the links.

​Hatzlocha!
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge
Last Edit: 06 Oct 2022 18:50 by Captain.

Re: My story 06 Oct 2022 19:48 #386312

  • DavidT
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Am Haoretz wrote on 06 Oct 2022 14:48:
Hi all, new person introduction here:

I'm 21, and my addiction started when i was around 15-16. part of a very frum, chumrahdike family. i had some friends from school/yeshiva that were more exposed, had their own smartphones etc and would often discuss random news, movies, worldly things. but being teens they wound up talking about or hinting porn, eventually I got a flip phone with a browser, but then moved pretty quickly to smartphones. back then i spent more time on other smartphone stuff like movies and social media, online friends, so porn wasn't at the forefront of my mind and i would fall maybe once a week or so, once i was actually roped in it got worse over the years. being very good with technology obviously didn't help things, filters were useless, whether they were on my device or on the network etc. when desperate i would even resort to downloading illegally in places like public libraries and internet cafes for later use on flip-phones. It was

At some point when i was 18-19 I started the never ending cycle of "quitting", telling myself that i would quit for this special day, that special day, but obviously that never worked and maybe lasted a week or 2. Sometimes i would compromise and only give up masturbation whilst still watching porn without doing anything, which of course did nothing to help me stop.

The longest i ever did was for my 20th birthday (i told myself "new decade, be different etc") but 30 days after my birthday i gave in. I'm approaching my 22nd birthday, i couldn't even make it past tzom gedalia after an inspiring rosh hashona without giving in. I'm on a 2 day streak now, erev yom kippur and yom kippur. i signed up to GYE last night because there is no other way i can manage.

A huge thank you for simply existing and giving me the hope that I can do this.

For your own sake, please CONNECT with someone that can help you in real life. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it's CONNECTION. Addiction thrives on isolation! Find someone that you can share your pain and struggles with. And finally, have someone who can cheer you on and celebrate your both big and small wins with you!
The “Tzetyl Kattan” of the Noam Elimelech writes: Find yourself a Rabbi or a good friend that you can share all of your evil thoughts and imaginations that go against the Torah. Don’t omit anything because of shame. This breaks the power of the Evil Inclination from influencing you. In addition you will receive good advice from your friend. This is highly worth it.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: My story 06 Oct 2022 20:07 #386316

  • Am Haoretz
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Thank you, i've already slowly started going through the eBook

Re: My story 06 Oct 2022 21:57 #386319

  • Moshekapoya26
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DavidT wrote on 06 Oct 2022 19:48:

Am Haoretz wrote on 06 Oct 2022 14:48:
Hi all, new person introduction here:

I'm 21, and my addiction started when i was around 15-16. part of a very frum, chumrahdike family. i had some friends from school/yeshiva that were more exposed, had their own smartphones etc and would often discuss random news, movies, worldly things. but being teens they wound up talking about or hinting porn, eventually I got a flip phone with a browser, but then moved pretty quickly to smartphones. back then i spent more time on other smartphone stuff like movies and social media, online friends, so porn wasn't at the forefront of my mind and i would fall maybe once a week or so, once i was actually roped in it got worse over the years. being very good with technology obviously didn't help things, filters were useless, whether they were on my device or on the network etc. when desperate i would even resort to downloading illegally in places like public libraries and internet cafes for later use on flip-phones. It was

At some point when i was 18-19 I started the never ending cycle of "quitting", telling myself that i would quit for this special day, that special day, but obviously that never worked and maybe lasted a week or 2. Sometimes i would compromise and only give up masturbation whilst still watching porn without doing anything, which of course did nothing to help me stop.

The longest i ever did was for my 20th birthday (i told myself "new decade, be different etc") but 30 days after my birthday i gave in. I'm approaching my 22nd birthday, i couldn't even make it past tzom gedalia after an inspiring rosh hashona without giving in. I'm on a 2 day streak now, erev yom kippur and yom kippur. i signed up to GYE last night because there is no other way i can manage.

A huge thank you for simply existing and giving me the hope that I can do this.

For your own sake, please CONNECT with someone that can help you in real life. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it's CONNECTION. Addiction thrives on isolation! Find someone that you can share your pain and struggles with. And finally, have someone who can cheer you on and celebrate your both big and small wins with you!
The “Tzetyl Kattan” of the Noam Elimelech writes: Find yourself a Rabbi or a good friend that you can share all of your evil thoughts and imaginations that go against the Torah. Don’t omit anything because of shame. This breaks the power of the Evil Inclination from influencing you. In addition you will receive good advice from your friend. This is highly worth it.

I can’t agree more. I’ve been through this many times. Having someone you’re real with is a game changer. 

hatzlacha! 

Re: My story 06 Oct 2022 22:04 #386320

  • Am Haoretz
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DavidT wrote on 06 Oct 2022 19:48:

Am Haoretz wrote on 06 Oct 2022 14:48:
Hi all, new person introduction here:

I'm 21, and my addiction started when i was around 15-16. part of a very frum, chumrahdike family. i had some friends from school/yeshiva that were more exposed, had their own smartphones etc and would often discuss random news, movies, worldly things. but being teens they wound up talking about or hinting porn, eventually I got a flip phone with a browser, but then moved pretty quickly to smartphones. back then i spent more time on other smartphone stuff like movies and social media, online friends, so porn wasn't at the forefront of my mind and i would fall maybe once a week or so, once i was actually roped in it got worse over the years. being very good with technology obviously didn't help things, filters were useless, whether they were on my device or on the network etc. when desperate i would even resort to downloading illegally in places like public libraries and internet cafes for later use on flip-phones. It was

At some point when i was 18-19 I started the never ending cycle of "quitting", telling myself that i would quit for this special day, that special day, but obviously that never worked and maybe lasted a week or 2. Sometimes i would compromise and only give up masturbation whilst still watching porn without doing anything, which of course did nothing to help me stop.

The longest i ever did was for my 20th birthday (i told myself "new decade, be different etc") but 30 days after my birthday i gave in. I'm approaching my 22nd birthday, i couldn't even make it past tzom gedalia after an inspiring rosh hashona without giving in. I'm on a 2 day streak now, erev yom kippur and yom kippur. i signed up to GYE last night because there is no other way i can manage.

A huge thank you for simply existing and giving me the hope that I can do this.

For your own sake, please CONNECT with someone that can help you in real life. The opposite of addiction is not sobriety - it's CONNECTION. Addiction thrives on isolation! Find someone that you can share your pain and struggles with. And finally, have someone who can cheer you on and celebrate your both big and small wins with you!
The “Tzetyl Kattan” of the Noam Elimelech writes: Find yourself a Rabbi or a good friend that you can share all of your evil thoughts and imaginations that go against the Torah. Don’t omit anything because of shame. This breaks the power of the Evil Inclination from influencing you. In addition you will receive good advice from your friend. This is highly worth it.

Thank you for the advice, but to be honest i dont think im at a stage where i can muster up courage to do that just yet.

Re: My story 06 Oct 2022 22:08 #386321

Don’t worry about it-it took me over 50 days of being on this site before i finally called someone (he goes by ‘hashem help me’ on this site) and it took a few more weeks from there before i actually went and met him in person… For now just get comfortable with the site and different things going on here. See what works for you and what doesn’t and iy’’h in time you might find yourself wanting to reach out to someone else. I’ll tell you that from my point of view it was an absolute game changer, but no worries if you aren’t ready yet! Just my opinion on the matter
-ftc
If you are in the same situation as me, a bachur who’s fighting every day to break free, feel free to reach out to me at hopeful1245@gmail.com. I can use the chizuk from other bachrim and im sure you can use the chizuk as well. We are all in this together!
My thread on the forum

Re: My story 07 Oct 2022 02:44 #386339

  • imfree
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I am 22 been masturbating from 14 till 21 and i am over 400 days clean now. IYH you will do this stay strong 
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