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Re: finally posting! 12 Aug 2021 01:34 #371560

  • smokey
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so true! have to internalize it!
follow my journey here

feel free to reach out and pm me, I love helping others with the struggles of life!

Re: finally posting! 03 Oct 2021 21:28 #372856

  • smokey
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i really want to watch porn now
follow my journey here

feel free to reach out and pm me, I love helping others with the struggles of life!

Re: finally posting! 03 Oct 2021 21:29 #372857

  • smokey
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help me
follow my journey here

feel free to reach out and pm me, I love helping others with the struggles of life!

Re: finally posting! 03 Oct 2021 21:58 #372858

Smokey wrote on 03 Oct 2021 21:29:
help me

I sent you a pm so you have someone to unload it on

Re: finally posting! 03 Oct 2021 22:02 #372859

  • smokey
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thank you so much! i pulled through!! clean from porn since pesach!!
follow my journey here

feel free to reach out and pm me, I love helping others with the struggles of life!

Re: finally posting! 05 Jan 2022 00:16 #375526

  • smokey
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Hey hey! long time since I updated, so anyways up until a month ago the last time I watched porn was this past pesach, and even though I still struggle a lot with masturbation, Baruch Hashem it has all been without watching porn, unfortunately a month ago I went back to America for a wedding (I'm currently in yeshiva in Israel) and it all started when I was watching movies on the plane, and the romantic scenes there really activated my desires and soon I was searching through only for the romance scenes in the movies which led me to masturbate on the plane (gasp) after being clean for 25 days yes I know its crazy but i masturbated in the bathroom of a plane, anyways from there it went downhill, I was feeling extremally low of myself for doing such a thing, so anyways we went to hotel for shabbos, and motzei shabbos i went to the computer room, and was caught off guard with unfiltered internet, (in the past I always planned in advance if i would come to such to situation, how i would get past this) in addition to feeling down for breaking my 25 day streak and so i watched porn for the first time in over 8 months, from there when i got back home I had a brand new laptop which i was going to filter the second i connected to Wifi, however being that i already broke the streak and i let the guilty feelings control me, the 1st thing i went to was straight to.....porn, and then of course I had issues installing my filter and for the next 2 days I had unrestricted access to the world wide web, until i put my foot down and made sure it was properly installed. bh since then i didnt see any porn and fighting viciously my battle of masturbations. why am i sharing this?
-Two points I would like to share
#1 is even after all this I got back up and realized mistakes can be a good thing if we learn from the experience, so in this case i was triggered by the movies on the plane, and i always thought there is no way for me to to not watch movies on a 12 hour plane flight, well geuss what i did after the advice of hashempleasehelpme, i downloaded a bunch of podcasts and kosher videos from YouTube to entertain me for the return flight, and out of a 12 hour flight i ended up spending less then a half hour watching movies-which i previously thought was impossible, simple because I made a plan before and even if i wasn't confident that it would work i tried and did my hishtadlus, and you know what hashem did the rest! this post is getting way to long so I'll have to share the second point about how I let the guilt overtake me a different time, but always remember "If you fail to plan, your planning to fail" simple put, If you plan out for the future before you go places or make changes in your life, what type of situation will i be in, will i be extremely tempted over there, will I be at risk of getting exposed to dangerous content, will I be able to reach out for help, etc.... and don't be an all or nothing guy over here, every little bit counts and will help you out greater than you ever imagined!! lets do this! you guys are the best and the greatest source of inspiration on my journey to not let my desires overtake my life and simply the greatest warriors who share and fight this battle with the ultimate teamwork!!
follow my journey here

feel free to reach out and pm me, I love helping others with the struggles of life!

Re: finally posting! 05 Jan 2022 02:43 #375533

  • vehkam
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Great post!  Thank you for sharing.  
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: finally posting! 05 Jan 2022 07:46 #375540

  • human being
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You are amazing, keep up your growth! That's legitimate growth your talking about here, planning and figuring out what triggers you and then acting on it. inspiring.
I'm sick of the Un-scientific approach of today's medical and social environment. 
we will never heal and become a better society unless we realize that all people are addicts. Any thing we do that we aren't interested in is "addiction" and medicine doesn't fix addictions. 

Pain causes addiction and medicine cant fix pain. 

Unless we heal our pain, and become truama conscious so as not to cause others pain, we will never be living in a functioning human society.

Re: finally posting! 05 Jan 2022 13:41 #375548

  • trouble
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Smokey wrote on 05 Jan 2022 00:16:
Hey hey! long time since I updated, so anyways up until a month ago the last time I watched porn was this past pesach, and even though I still struggle a lot with masturbation, Baruch Hashem it has all been without watching porn, unfortunately a month ago I went back to America for a wedding (I'm currently in yeshiva in Israel) and it all started when I was watching movies on the plane, and the romantic scenes there really activated my desires and soon I was searching through only for the romance scenes in the movies which led me to masturbate on the plane (gasp) after being clean for 25 days yes I know its crazy but i masturbated in the bathroom of a plane, anyways from there it went downhill, I was feeling extremally low of myself for doing such a thing, so anyways we went to hotel for shabbos, and motzei shabbos i went to the computer room, and was caught off guard with unfiltered internet, (in the past I always planned in advance if i would come to such to situation, how i would get past this) in addition to feeling down for breaking my 25 day streak and so i watched porn for the first time in over 8 months, from there when i got back home I had a brand new laptop which i was going to filter the second i connected to Wifi, however being that i already broke the streak and i let the guilty feelings control me, the 1st thing i went to was straight to.....porn, and then of course I had issues installing my filter and for the next 2 days I had unrestricted access to the world wide web, until i put my foot down and made sure it was properly installed. bh since then i didnt see any porn and fighting viciously my battle of masturbations. why am i sharing this?
-Two points I would like to share
#1 is even after all this I got back up and realized mistakes can be a good thing if we learn from the experience, so in this case i was triggered by the movies on the plane, and i always thought there is no way for me to to not watch movies on a 12 hour plane flight, well geuss what i did after the advice of hashempleasehelpme, i downloaded a bunch of podcasts and kosher videos from YouTube to entertain me for the return flight, and out of a 12 hour flight i ended up spending less then a half hour watching movies-which i previously thought was impossible, simple because I made a plan before and even if i wasn't confident that it would work i tried and did my hishtadlus, and you know what hashem did the rest! this post is getting way to long so I'll have to share the second point about how I let the guilt overtake me a different time, but always remember "If you fail to plan, your planning to fail" simple put, If you plan out for the future before you go places or make changes in your life, what type of situation will i be in, will i be extremely tempted over there, will I be at risk of getting exposed to dangerous content, will I be able to reach out for help, etc.... and don't be an all or nothing guy over here, every little bit counts and will help you out greater than you ever imagined!! lets do this! you guys are the best and the greatest source of inspiration on my journey to not let my desires overtake my life and simply the greatest warriors who share and fight this battle with the ultimate teamwork!!

nice attitude; thanks and keep it up!

it was real pleasing for me to see that someone finally spelled masturbate correctly, and then you hit us with an "extremally"! onward!

from nauru campus of the university of the south pacific, located in aiwo district
i'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

if you're looking for trouble, you can email me @trouble69gye@outlook.com

Re: finally posting! 05 Jan 2022 22:51 #375591

  • smokey
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lol
follow my journey here

feel free to reach out and pm me, I love helping others with the struggles of life!

Re: finally posting! 09 Aug 2024 16:40 #418819

  • smokey
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hey hey how is everyone, long time no post,
i need help
last night i was feeling extremely vulnerable and uncomfortable emotions, i called a hotline, spoke to a girl. first we talked inappropriate stuff and i acted out, after we spoke for about 40 minutes about real life, uncomfortable emotions, the negative effects of porn on society and how it objectifies women, and valuing your body for a higher purpose then money, obviously it wasn't healthy what i did, but i really don't know what too do i need love and validation in my life and as a single 24 year old its pretty darn hard to get that in real life, especially when I'm craving female love (even not for inappropriate conversations)

what do io do???
follow my journey here

feel free to reach out and pm me, I love helping others with the struggles of life!

Re: finally posting! 09 Aug 2024 20:49 #418831

  • vehkam
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smokey wrote on 09 Aug 2024 16:40:
hey hey how is everyone, long time no post,
i need help
last night i was feeling extremely vulnerable and uncomfortable emotions, i called a hotline, spoke to a girl. first we talked inappropriate stuff and i acted out, after we spoke for about 40 minutes about real life, uncomfortable emotions, the negative effects of porn on society and how it objectifies women, and valuing your body for a higher purpose then money, obviously it wasn't healthy what i did, but i really don't know what too do i need love and validation in my life and as a single 24 year old its pretty darn hard to get that in real life, especially when I'm craving female love (even not for inappropriate conversations)

what do io do???

It is certainly understandable to want love and validation in your life.   However this was a cheap substitute (no matter how much you paid) for the real thing.   

if you are lonely you can try to reach out and connect to friends in any healthy arena. (Yeshiva, Shul, gym, gye or any other affiliation).  Learn to hang out with people that are validating and inspiring and stay away from those that make you feel small.  

throw your desire for connection and acceptance into your davening. Try to relate to hashem in that way and ask hashem to send you your desires through an appropriate medium.  ישלח עזרך מקודש and not from the fake gutters of temptation.   

wishing you tremendous success 
vehkam
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: finally posting! 09 Aug 2024 20:51 #418832

  • eerie
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My dear friend, I'm so sorry for your pain. If you ask, "what do I do?", allow me to answer. you call some of the people here, somebody like Muttel, PY or some others. And you'll discover a healthy way of dealing with your stress. You'll discver people who really care about you. You'll discover people who really want to see you succeed. And it's free Seriously, you won't find better friends then the ones you can find here
Feel free to reach out to the email in my signature, if you'd like to
Keep smiling...and trucking!
Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Re: finally posting! 12 Aug 2024 18:04 #419017

  • proudyungerman
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smokey wrote on 09 Aug 2024 16:40:
hey hey how is everyone, long time no post,
i need help
last night i was feeling extremely vulnerable and uncomfortable emotions, i called a hotline, spoke to a girl. first we talked inappropriate stuff and i acted out, after we spoke for about 40 minutes about real life, uncomfortable emotions, the negative effects of porn on society and how it objectifies women, and valuing your body for a higher purpose then money, obviously it wasn't healthy what i did, but i really don't know what too do i need love and validation in my life and as a single 24 year old its pretty darn hard to get that in real life, especially when I'm craving female love (even not for inappropriate conversations)

what do io do???

My friend, we should definitely shmooze again, and soon!

Some food for thought:
1) Is it possible to fill that need for love and validation through yourself or through creating a chevra for yourself?
Getting married is not going to fix that problem instantly, and it may take quite a while until you really feel that love, acceptance, and validation from your wife (especially if you are still struggling when you get married).
If so, how can you go about doing that?
[My point is that I think you need to provide yourself with these needs on your own, as marriage may or may not provide you with them in a satisfactory way. That's just been my personal experience in my journey.]

2) What do you mean by female love?
Feel free to reach out and say hi!
proudyungerman@gmail.com
406-219-8398

My Journey:
guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/406231-The-Real-Me

Re: finally posting! 12 Aug 2024 18:38 #419023

  • parev
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Hi Smokey
Can relate to your struggle on a personal level...
For me the main solution is just a lot of acceptance
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life—unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment Nothing absolutely nothing happens in Hashems world by mistake and.unless I accept life completely on life's terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and my attitudes.
Marbitz torah and communal askan in E Yisroel | 30's | Went to rehab | Avid SA'er
Not perfect yet, but a changed person 180 degrees
If you think you know who I am, and want to reach out for further chizzuk, I have nothing to hide in real life and would love to share my ESH with you
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