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Wake Sleepy up!
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TOPIC: Wake Sleepy up! 3779 Views

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 26 Sep 2019 13:08 #343854

  • Dave M
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stillgoing wrote on 26 Sep 2019 11:57:

When I disclosed to my wife, I watched her cry. I hurt her terribly and it cut me to the core. My kids whom I love to pieces have been hurt terribly by my acting out. I have lost enough money to buy a house in cash in lost wages because of my pornography. Does the fact that in a far far far indirect way, my computer click is giving another viewing rating to a abusive website going to make me stop? What about my family who i see hurting in front of my face? That didn't work so why will this.

Very good point. 

I once had a Rebbe say that nowadays we don't really believe in Hell.  Knowing something is bad on an intellectual level won't help an addict stop a bad behavior

Still Going - Are you in a better place now?  If yes, what helped you?  

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 26 Sep 2019 14:21 #343855

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Dave M wrote on 26 Sep 2019 13:08:

stillgoing wrote on 26 Sep 2019 11:57:

When I disclosed to my wife, I watched her cry. I hurt her terribly and it cut me to the core. My kids whom I love to pieces have been hurt terribly by my acting out. I have lost enough money to buy a house in cash in lost wages because of my pornography. Does the fact that in a far far far indirect way, my computer click is giving another viewing rating to a abusive website going to make me stop? What about my family who i see hurting in front of my face? That didn't work so why will this.

Very good point. 

I once had a Rebbe say that nowadays we don't really believe in Hell.  Knowing something is bad on an intellectual level won't help an addict stop a bad behavior

Still Going - Are you in a better place now?  If yes, what helped you?  

Knowing something is bad on an intellectual level won't help an addict stop a bad behavior

i really feel i overstepped my boundary of giving advice to someone who suffers from addiction,i have no knowledge or understanding of addiction, and have no right to give my worthless two sense in those areas, my share which works for me many times is only given to people like me who suffer from lack of eye guarding and related problems in the sense of yetzer hara which limud haTorah, Mussar ,Tefila and chizuk help.i leave addiction to the experts here and will bli neder make a note of it in my signature
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 26 Sep 2019 16:10 #343872

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isnt it funny that if someone comes accross a pretty woman and fantasizes about her and comes along another pretty woman and drops the first one mentally and fantasizes about the second one,it has happened to me ,and i find that alone should give me an impetus to just give up on looking for the pretty one that will satisfy my lust because we'll never be happy.the reason why we'll never be happy is because we're really not looking for lust and orgasm,what we're really looking for is what our Neshama  is yearning for and thats closeness to Hashem which is accomplished through learning Torah and doing mitzvos.
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 27 Sep 2019 11:31 #343886

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cordnoy wrote on 26 Sep 2019 12:17:
Dov told me in a voice note that he has found (from his thousands of conversations with guys over the years) that those who scream "prutzos" & "zonos" from the rooftops or Times square or Kikkar Shabbos are actually people who "get off" on sex and fantasy with the lowest of the filth. Those who dehumanize the scantily dressed passerby or the porn actress have been found to be those who crave engagin' in sex with silicon dolls. They need this justification, for otherwise, there is nobody around for them to share a bed with.

Of course, there are other explanations, but this is a plausible one.

There is tremendous truth in what you quote. Of course there may be exceptions but many times the guys who are so busy noticing pritzus and being busy with it are those who are unfortunately struggling deeply with these issues. They don't realize what they are doing. They are actually fanning the flames of taivah/addiction and constantly exposing themselves to triggering scenes. Their subconscious is playing an evil trick on them. There is a second group of people who are wallowing in terrible feelings of yi'ush and guilt and are not yet ready to reach out for help. Usually these are perfectionists who have to appear to their families and friends as tzaddikim in all areas. To help assuage their tormenting emotions, they are "lochem milchemes Hashem" against the ruach ha'tumah etc. (And then they go home and with a total loss of control act out big time...) As stated in the beginning, there are of course truly ehrliche yidden who are well adjusted, healthy and clean who want to help protect our communities, but it appears this group is the smallest of the three mentioned.
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 27 Sep 2019 16:37 #343900

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a lot of times we start going up the streak and the enthusiasm dies down and we fall.what happened to kol haschalos kashos  all beginnings are difficult, but if you persevere, it'll get easier?
Rabbi Chaim Volozhiner ztl when he approached the Vilna Goan ztl excitedly about opening a Yeshiva , the Goan wasnt excited about it, the following year reb chaim approached the goan again but less enthusiastically, and this time the Goan gave him a warm beracha to succeed.Asked Reb Chaim, why when i came last year i didnt get your blessings while i get them noe?answered the Goan, last year you came to me so excited i suspected maybe you were motivated by a  strange fire of enthusiasm  for not good intention so i wasnt sure,but now a year later when that fire died down and you still want to make a Yeshiva i know your intention is pure 
so too whenever we start something new we are always enthusiastic about it and feel a "fire " to do it, and the same thing for even a good thing ,since its the fire thats pushing him we dont consider that starting yet, its when that fire subsudes and now it starts getting difficult thats when it is considerd starting and kol haschalos kashos all beginings are hard but if you persevere and keep on going the person will experience a lessening of the difficulty  and he will be able to keep on going , based on Rabbi Erlanger Mashgiach of Mir Brooklyn,i hope it made sense.(this post is not intended for someone who has an addiction ,your medals for the fight are much greaterand you are probably the ones who are bringing Moshiach! hatzlacha!
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 27 Sep 2019 16:42 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 27 Sep 2019 17:17 #343901

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sleepy wrote on 27 Sep 2019 16:37:
a lot of times we start going up the streak and the enthusiasm dies down and we fall.what happened to kol haschalos kashos  all beginnings are difficult, but if you persevere, it'll get easier?
Rabbi Chaim Volozhiner ztl when he approached the Vilna Goan ztl excitedly about opening a Yeshiva , the Goan wasnt excited about it, the following year reb chaim approached the goan again but less enthusiastically, and this time the Goan gave him a warm beracha to succeed.Asked Reb Chaim, why when i came last year i didnt get your blessings while i get them noe?answered the Goan, last year you came to me so excited i suspected maybe you were motivated by a  strange fire of enthusiasm  for not good intention so i wasnt sure,but now a year later when that fire died down and you still want to make a Yeshiva i know your intention is pure 
so too whenever we start something new we are always enthusiastic about it and feel a "fire " to do it, and the same thing for even a good thing ,since its the fire thats pushing him we dont consider that starting yet, its when that fire subsudes and now it starts getting difficult thats when it is considerd starting and kol haschalos kashos all beginings are hard but if you persevere and keep on going the person will experience a lessening of the difficulty  and he will be able to keep on going , based on Rabbi Erlanger Mashgiach of Mir Brooklyn,i hope it made sense.(this post is not intended for someone who has an addiction ,your medals for the fight are much greaterand you are probably the ones who are bringing Moshiach! hatzlacha!

Great post.  From experience, I had many 2-3 weeks streak before falling.  It was only once I joined the GYE forum was I able to get over the hump.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 04 Oct 2019 03:05 #343982

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Hey wake up !
it's a little to quiet here ..
Last Edit: 04 Oct 2019 03:55 by i-man.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 04 Oct 2019 15:58 #344001

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hello i-man, thanks for the shout out,lately due to my lack of being able to get to my kiosks where i do my gye'ing,i wasnt able to post although im suscribed to most of the threads and get the email posts.i just want to say that as an" outsider "reading everyones posts and responses, you guys are doing a GREAT job!keep it up , i,for one, am gaining alot.
i apologize to all posts that i have benefited from but due to lack of time and slow  internet, im not able to hit the thank you button since it takes a long time for that blue circle to stop spinning, but THANK YOU, THANK YOU ,THANK YOU! 
just one more thing till next time (oy vey!)
gye is such a great thing and there are so many tactics to fight the battle, that a person , me specificaly,can feel , thats all  i need ,and forget this that the Mesilas Yesharim writes concerning the yetzer hara ,that without Learning Torah,(according to everyones ability,and circumstance)its not possible to to be truly victorious,im not saying that people have to fall, im just pointing out that Hashem says ,"I created the yetzer hara , and I created its antidote)and as the Mesilas Yesharim writes, if anyone feels he could shirk  Learning Torah(with Yiras Shamayim of course)is mistaken.and the end  wont be good, he may  even have a 20 year clean streak the M"Y seems  to be saying .(  of course he will get tremendous reward for it!),but in the end it wont be good .
The M"Y says, if Hashem is the one  who created the yetzer hara says that the only remedy is Torah, Hashem knows what He's talking about.
therefore everyone should make a strong kabala bli neder, that everyday one should take a dose of this Holy Antidote(everyone according to his ability and circumstance).
i hope this doesnt discourage anyone, G-D forbid that was  not my intention, but i just wanted to point something out that needs strengthening,at least for me.
Disclaimer: this post wasnt aimed at people who are addicted (boy i hate bringing this up) ,that you need to ask the professionals ,if i dont get a chance to post till who knows how long,... i wish everyone with a  birchas hedyot of a  gemar chasima tova,(and piska tova){a gut kvittel}!
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 04 Oct 2019 17:04 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 04 Oct 2019 16:07 #344003

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sleepy wrote on 04 Oct 2019 15:58:

just one more thing till next time (oy vey!)
gye is such a great thing and there are so many tactics to fight the battle, that a person , me specificaly,can feel , thats all  i need ,and forget this that the Mesilas Yesharim writes concerning the yetzer hara ,that without Learning Torah,(according to everyones ability,and circumstance)its not possible to to be truly victorious,im not saying that people have to fall, im just pointing out that Hashem says ,"I created the yetzer hara , and I created its antidote)and as the Mesilas Yesharim writes, if anyone feels he could get out of Learning Torah,according to everyones level (im talking to myself ) is mistaken.and the end  wont be good, he may  even have a 20 year clean streak it seems  to be saying 
( and of course he will get tremendous reward for it!),but in the end it wont be good , therefore everyone should make a strong kabala bli neder, that everyday one should take a dose of this Holy Antidote.
i hope this doesnt discourage anyone, G-D forbid that was my intention, but i just wanted to point something out that needs strengthening,at least for me.

Great to hear from you Sleepy.  Thanks for re-emphasising the need to maintain a solid foundation in torah learning.  

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 06 Oct 2019 06:18 #344041

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Oy !I’m so nervous once the yomim noraim are over!wouldnt it be nice if the whole year was Elul?
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 07 Oct 2019 05:30 #344072

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stillgoing wrote on 25 Sep 2019 02:53:


Sleepy wrote :so I threw a label of reshanta at her, big deal).    sg wrote:(funny, how I don't hear Rav Chaim Kanievsky throwing the label rishanta as no big deal.)

For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 07 Oct 2019 05:51 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 07 Oct 2019 05:34 #344073

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cordnoy wrote on 26 Sep 2019 12:17:
Dov told me in a voice note that he has found (from his thousands of conversations with guys over the years) that those who scream "prutzos" & "zonos" from the rooftops or Times square or Kikkar Shabbos are actually people who "get off" on sex and fantasy with the lowest of the filth. 
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 07 Oct 2019 05:44 #344074

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Sleepys bedtime short rhyme:
be like Reb Chaim!  from me  sg expects  ,
” sleezys  from the lowest!” Cordnoy suspects.                  
 I'm so confused.
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 08 Oct 2019 00:06 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 07 Oct 2019 12:49 #344076

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We might be all confused. Two points to consider.
1: I don't think Cord suspected anything of you. It sounded like a very broad statement.

2: Even the lowest of the lowest, has the potential to be Greater than R Chaim.
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 07 Oct 2019 12:59 #344077

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Perhaps you can look at addiction as continuing to "drink" as he's not yet ready to exert himself. In other words even if for many times he continued, that's still no proof he can't stop the drinking. (No proof what aa. Defines as addict exists)

My point is that while one is "drinking" he could abruptly stop. and if he didn't until now, that's not proof he can't.

The reason I'm saying this is: that a person shouldn't give up hope on himself. (Ie: he can change on his own)

(He need not admit powerlessness nor submit to a higher power)
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