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Wake Sleepy up!
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TOPIC: Wake Sleepy up! 3909 Views

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 02 Sep 2019 14:36 #343329

  • sleepy
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just trying to wake myself up
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 10 Sep 2019 16:36 #343481

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id like to comment on a statistic that i saw here on a newsletter and ask the olam if i have a point:

3 Myths About Pornography Use In Couples You Might Still Believe

by Maybruch, R' Shmuel (See all authors)

(myth #2)2 – Religious Couples Don’t Have Porn

"Another common belief is that religious people, whether single or married, use pornography less, or not at all. This is patently not true. In my practice, I see individuals both in relationships and not committed that are devoutly religious and struggle with pornography use.

This is borne out by an astounding study. A group of researchers analyzed Google search terms on a state by state basis. They found a clear trend. States that are generally identified as more religious and fundamentalist had a higher prevalence of pornographic search terms on Google. Think about that: the more a state identified as religious, the greater amount of sexual terms were searched for. Another group of researchers was incredulous, so they independently replicated the same study – and found the same results."

etc.etc.,and  i quote further:

"Clearly, increased religiosity does not indicated less pornography use. It appears to sometimes indicate the opposite."

is this to say that this statistic applies to frum Yidden also?the more frum ,the more porn use?if not , what was the point of the post?

For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 10 Sep 2019 16:38 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 10 Sep 2019 22:02 #343488

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I don't know the point of the post you refer to, but I don't have much belief in study's/surveys in general. There are always many other factors that can twist the results one way or the other. (For example in this case, maybe in the 'less religious' states people were found more often with prostitutes and therefore had not much use for Google)
"Studys" such as these can only be sure to be accurate when done by Someone who can see and know all. I only know of one Hashem.
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Last Edit: 10 Sep 2019 22:04 by stillgoing. Reason: Rice Chex!!!!!!

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 13 Sep 2019 16:45 #343551

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i have to share something that gave me a chizuk, and hope others will get a chizuk as well.
Quote :
I read an essay about a man who saw a cocoon ,and noticed the butterfly inside trying to make its way out of the tiny hole.The butterfly struggled mightily to exit the cocoon,and spent several hours trying to force its body through the small opening.Finally it appeared as though the butterfly had reached an impasse ,and could not proceed any further.The man felt sorry for the butterfly,so he took a pair of scissors  and cut a large opening through which the butterfly  could leave.Sure enough ,the butterfly easily exited the cocoon,but the man noticed  that the body was contorted and its wings were shriveled.He kept the butterfly ,figuring that eventually,as it grew, its wings would develop and it would be able to fly. The man failed to understand that the struggle to exit the cocoon has the effect of transferring fluid from the butterfly's body to its wings ,which is how they develop.He thought he was doing the butterfly  a favor  by ending its struggle, but in reality, he thwarted  its growth. 
  Sometimes , a struggle is precisely what we need in life to develop our "wings" so we can soar and reach  great heights.
(Living Emunah volume 1 pg 90)
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 13 Sep 2019 18:07 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 17 Sep 2019 08:20 #343599

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does anyone know where the guy who posted a question,besides being an aveira , whats wrong with m******** if its not an addiction,did it get deleted ,i wanted to reply something
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 17 Sep 2019 11:44 #343602

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sleepy wrote on 17 Sep 2019 08:20:
does anyone know where the guy who posted a question,besides being an aveira , whats wrong with m******** if its not an addiction,did it get deleted ,i wanted to reply something

I think Bob Dylan posted it on the public chat. Thank God I didn't respond because I would've gotten censored again.
I'm all about that (substantial) bass, no trouble ....

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 17 Sep 2019 13:36 #343605

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sleepy wrote on 17 Sep 2019 08:20:
does anyone know where the guy who posted a question,besides being an aveira , whats wrong with m******** if its not an addiction,did it get deleted ,i wanted to reply something

Someone asked that question in the public chatroom

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 24 Sep 2019 00:54 #343739

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hello everyone, there is a certain idea here on gye, i dont know if its held by everyone, probably not , and id like to post about it since it i get really peeved by it, and that is the idea that when a real prutza comes into view and instead of (i feel is the correct feeling)feeling victimized "how can she dress that way ,disgusting chutzpa,im being molested by forceful viewing of immodest sights"
no,  instead one should think "oh shes just a person, a human with feelings like me and i really shouldnt use her for my lust fantasies,a blessing on you young woman!"
i mean in the time of the mabul when women walked around in their birthday suits, was that an attitude also, oh shes just a person   ,im the perverted one if an unseemly thought passes my mind .
waiting(eagerly) for your clarification friends.
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 24 Sep 2019 00:56 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 24 Sep 2019 01:11 #343740

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sleepy wrote on 24 Sep 2019 00:54:
hello everyone, there is a certain idea here on gye, i dont know if its held by everyone, probably not , and id like to post about it since it i get really peeved by it, and that is the idea that when a real prutza comes into view and instead of (i feel is the correct feeling)feeling victimized "how can she dress that way ,disgusting chutzpa,im being molested by forceful viewing of immodest sights"
no,  instead one should think "oh shes just a person, a human with feelings like me and i really shouldnt use her for my lust fantasies,a blessing on you young woman!"
i mean in the time of the mabul when women walked around in their birthday suits, was that an attitude also, oh shes just a person   ,im the perverted one if an unseemly thought passes my mind .
waiting(eagerly) for your clarification friends.

and what you may ask is there to gain by my way of thinking, it is as follows
how can she dress that way ,disgusting chutzpa,im being molested by forceful viewing of immodest sights,but what can i do, we live in a corrupt society and this is the fight which Hashemhas put me in and ill be strong, choose whats right and not look and get schar,' but the other way of thinking is  to me like a  not realistic way of seeing things, and i end up with a guilt feeling for failing to see the person,and just seeing lust .
i(if i may add) think this attitude is a liberal type of thinking similiar to just look at a person who murdered , and think hes a person with feelings etc. com'on hes a murderer and shes a prutza!
now what about the woman who dresses properly who happens to be  attractive ? then ill grant you the attitude to think shes just a person not an object to lust after,after all  no one can have a complaint that 
a woman looks like  a woman .
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post
Last Edit: 24 Sep 2019 01:30 by sleepy.

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 24 Sep 2019 01:20 #343741

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300 million US citizens (95% of the population) have a WhatsApp Chizuk Broadcast discussing how best to torment sleepy...

You really believe that?
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 24 Sep 2019 01:25 #343742

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Markz wrote on 24 Sep 2019 01:20:
300 million US citizens (95% of the population) have a WhatsApp Chizuk Broadcast discussing how best to torment sleepy...

You really believe that?

elaborate please,dont get it
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 24 Sep 2019 01:37 #343743

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Sleepy, they are both true. Yes, a woman who purposely dresses provocatively may truly be in the geder of a prutza. However what we advise here is how we deal with it. Some of us had created a default setting of immediately starting to lust upon seeing such a person. We objectified her and in our imagination "used" her as our toy of pleasure. By praying that she have a nice day, feel well, be able to pay her bills, enjoy her family, we are reminding ourselves that she is a person, not an object. It kills the lusting immediately. What Hashem's cheshbon with her is or is not, is not the discussion. The only thing that counts is how we deal with this trigger/nisayon.
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Re: Wake Sleepy up! 24 Sep 2019 06:51 #343747

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thank you R 'Hhm ,from reading your enlightening posts i see how opended minded you are, and therefore do not hesitate to reply and say as nice as it sounds,by me it doesnt /wont work,one of the things that cause me a tzar when i see a truly pritzadiga woman is she is flaunting in my eyes something that i desire and due to my values-religious/moral, cant have,and therefore i MENTALLY despise her for the pain that she is giving me(those who dont have these values gawk at her without restraint and enjoy the show,maybe they even whistle)and for someone who can  bless is  great in MY eyes,but to expect a blessing from me with the attitude,bless her because this that your lusting her and experiencing a discomfort is not HER fault , but YOUR fault for for having bad attitudes,and youre such a low person for not seeing the "person"etc,i think is not realistic, for me at least,i dont know who made up this tactic is (and if it works for some people ,hey,go for it!)but could be blessing and prayer are cheap things anyway which dont mean anything(i dont mean you at all c"v,)so bless them and as your blessing them imagine them in your mind so you should know who your blessing and enjoy that quick fanatsizing of a second, and could be thats why the lust goes away because as one is blessing and picturing them at least they got a mental peek.while if someone who who thinks the way i explained doesnt allow one second of the picture to enter , not one peek,and if a thought creeps in, well thats like the purple elephant that one should not think of,which is not his fault.
in a nut shell , if what i wrote makes sense, i dont think anyone will expect anyone to pray for a molester  who ruined someones life even though it may remove resentment from his heart, and the same thing would be in the case of the women mentioned above,and again, anyone who defends them and says ,think to yourselves  they dont mean anything, they just want fresh cool air,you are the one who is making such an issue with your lusting mindset ,i dont think is a realistic approach.
wouldnt it be a  wonderful thing to look at inappropiate women in the streets  or the screen and pray for them?   i think that person would be fooling himself ( again R' Hhm, i dont mean you in any of the above.)
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 24 Sep 2019 07:15 #343750

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Hashem Help Me wrote on 24 Sep 2019 01:37:
Sleepy, they are both true. Yes, a woman who purposely dresses provocatively may truly be in the geder of a prutza. However what we advise here is how we deal with it. Some of us had created a default setting of immediately starting to lust upon seeing such a person. We objectified her and in our imagination "used" her as our toy of pleasure. By praying that she have a nice day, feel well, be able to pay her bills, enjoy her family, we are reminding ourselves that she is a person, not an object. It kills the lusting immediately. What Hashem's cheshbon with her is or is not, is not the discussion. The only thing that counts is how we deal with this trigger/nisayon.

"Some of us had created a default setting of immediately starting to lust upon seeing such a person. "
true, we may have put fuel on the fire,but i think even without the fuel the natural reaction of a person is natural lust, true i may be seeing it this way due to my yetzer hara, but thats how i do see it ,therefore if i will battle it ,the battle will be with other ways but not with blessing, they dont deserve it and they are not getting it .what they really deserve is a "shelt" but ill be kind enough to hold my tounge.
For an explanation on my choice of username and avatar see my first post

Re: Wake Sleepy up! 24 Sep 2019 12:53 #343754

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Like usual, just writin' for myself, and somethin' I have written many times here:

Impo, one shouldn't hate 'em, bless 'em, blame 'em, fault 'em, pray for them, despise them, etc.

The moment the issue becomes about them (or 'em), you have lost.

It is about you/me. (And it might not be your fault either, but one that, dependin' on the situation, you might wanna remedy in some way, or not.)

Godspeed
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