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Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 21 Feb 2021 14:54 #363861

  • Dave M
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beautifuleyes wrote on 21 Feb 2021 02:26:
Dear Dave,
You are an inspiration.
Rewiring takes long. 
BH I will be reaching 90 days in 2 days.
Rewiring takes so long. Its so hard and painful. I am still rewiring myself. I look and at my wife and kids and I cry inside. How painful it is, to look at them and little do they know what is going on inside of me and struggles I have everyday.

In any case.
Dave you have an amazing streak. keep it up. 786

Thanks 

Beautifuleyes

Hi Beautifuleyes.  Thanks for responding to my post.  Congrats on approaching the 90 days milestone!  I relate so much to what you say.  Take it one day at a time and know that life is a journey with many ups and downs.  Never give up the fight and know that we have an amazing group of guys her rooting for your success. 

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 05 Mar 2021 01:11 #364760

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800 days.  Thank you Hashem, GYE, and the wonderful chevra here.
Last Edit: 05 Mar 2021 01:22 by Dave M.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 14 Mar 2021 20:15 #365380

  • Dave M
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This is an incredible shiur by R' Yossi Bensoussan.  Specifically listen from point 14:40 - 21:00, where he talks about a method for pushing off the Y'H and the proper perspective in taking baby steps to win this battle.

www.torahanytime.com/#/lectures?v=134548

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 16 Mar 2021 14:18 #365496

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I have some small urges creeping up now.  Posting to "put it out there" and create some accountability.  

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 16 Mar 2021 14:26 #365500

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I can't even imagine what a 811 day streak means. 

Where there any triggers?
Is this the kind of "got to move on and live life" kind of urge? (if it's not helpful to think about it too much don't worry about not responding)

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 16 Mar 2021 14:34 #365502

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Honestly?  Probably because I work in a mixed environment and it's not easy working with females.  Working from home certainly has its advantage and it limits the mixed gender interactions.  But I still do need to work with them.  Again, just writing about this helps calm the urge down.  Thanks for responding. 

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 16 Mar 2021 14:56 #365506

  • Onceandforall
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Hey Dave M it's been a while. Wanted to send some chizuk:

I am subscribed to your forum and get email updates. Ever since that time 2 summers ago when we both committed to not watching movies I have been following you. Without getting into details I have had ups and downs along the way and whenever I saw you post about how I, in a small way, helped you it gives me loads of chizzuk and it pushes me to get back into the fight.

Update: I am completely clean of P for something between 70-80 days (I'm not counting) and I have been keeping a regiment where I limit M to certain times that its allowed if I need to, all based on advice of HHM who I have been meaning to call - sorry :/ I recently decided to limit M to only weekends and iy"H be"H I will continue to limit further. No movies or TV all this time either except a few exceptions that were made.

Last but not least - after many many years of waiting, I am engaged to most amazing girl!!

This fight is long from over, but people like you made sure I never gave up and keep giving me chizzuk to continue for life. Wishing you siyata d'shmaya, I'm davening for all of us!!

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 16 Mar 2021 16:51 #365517

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Onceandforall wrote on 16 Mar 2021 14:56:
Hey Dave M it's been a while. Wanted to send some chizuk:

I am subscribed to your forum and get email updates. Ever since that time 2 summers ago when we both committed to not watching movies I have been following you. Without getting into details I have had ups and downs along the way and whenever I saw you post about how I, in a small way, helped you it gives me loads of chizzuk and it pushes me to get back into the fight.

Update: I am completely clean of P for something between 70-80 days (I'm not counting) and I have been keeping a regiment where I limit M to certain times that its allowed if I need to, all based on advice of HHM who I have been meaning to call - sorry :/ I recently decided to limit M to only weekends and iy"H be"H I will continue to limit further. No movies or TV all this time either except a few exceptions that were made.

Last but not least - after many many years of waiting, I am engaged to most amazing girl!!

This fight is long from over, but people like you made sure I never gave up and keep giving me chizzuk to continue for life. Wishing you siyata d'shmaya, I'm davening for all of us!!

That's amazing!!  I'm so happy for you and mazol tov!  Thanks so much for you post, it really does give me and everyone else chizuk to see how much of a difference we can make in each other's growth in this area

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 16 Mar 2021 16:53 #365518

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Dave M wrote on 25 Jul 2019 13:15:
Last couple of days I've had some slip ups.  I need to be honest with myself here.  Although I have been free from viewing explicit contents or MZ"L for many months now, there is definitely room to improve my shmiras einayim.  As I have noted on Onceandforall's thread.  I go to a jewish gym to workout a few days a week.  The members are mostly from the frum crowd, so should be ok, right?  Well, not so fast.  They have TV monitors throughout the gym with various shows/movies playing.  When working out, I find myself being drawn to the movies that are playing.  Often times, my workout ends before the movie does.  So what do I do?  I google the movie to find out what happens and sometime will watch clips from the movies.  Last few days what I saw was definitely not good.  Deep down I know what I'm doing is not helping my battle and potentially can leads to worst.  But going to the gym and working out is such an enjoyable outlet.  I struggled with this quandary for a  few months.  Until I read Onceandforall's thread.  It helps hit home.  I finally decided to put gadarim in place to protect me from this.   This also reminded me of what I read in the GYE handbook (page 12 )  I copied here:

If we are serious about breaking free of lust addiction, we need to try to refrain from watching TV, movies and reading secular magazines and newspapers as much as possible, since all of them are full of promiscuity. Even the most innocent-sounding children's movies today are filled with imagery which can be very triggering for a lust addict and we must therefore try to avoid them as much as we can. Let's talk about movies, for example. Movies are one of the biggest stumbling blocks to a proper healing from lust addiction, because often we find them very hard to give up. They serve as a source of entertainment for millions of people around the world, and they are often a welcome distraction from the difficult realities of life. But movies are filled to the brim with triggers to lust. And even if one is successful to find a movie with absolutely no provocatively dressed women or kissing scenes in them (almost impossible today), will there still not even be any attractive female actors in the movie at all? If we are trying to guard our eyes in the street - and we must be; how can we allow ourselves to stare at attractive women in a movie for about 2 hours straight? As lust addicts, most of us simply cannot look at attractive women - even modestly dressed - and not think or feel any undercurrent of lust. The nature of the addiction has taken this ability away from us. And we must admit this truth to ourselves; as long as we
are lusting - we are still feeding the addiction. Therefore in the GYE community, we know that if we are truly serious about breaking free from the poison of lust, we must let this be our sacrifice for Hashem's glory and give up non-Jewish movies for good. And surely this will be considered a most precious sacrifice in Hashem's eyes, a sacrifice brought on the altar of our hearts!


Please Hashem.  Accept this sacrifice from me and give us the needed siyata dishmaya

FYI, this is the post Onceandforall was referring too.  B'H, I have been clean from movies since then. 

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 16 Mar 2021 16:58 #365519

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Dave M wrote on 16 Mar 2021 14:34:
Honestly?  Probably because I work in a mixed environment and it's not easy working with females.  Working from home certainly has its advantage and it limits the mixed gender interactions.  But I still do need to work with them.  Again, just writing about this helps calm the urge down.  Thanks for responding. 

I know what you mean. I'm sure you and the others have tips for not having our mind go there.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 17 Mar 2021 14:04 #365591

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Yesterday, I slipped.  I updated my Taphsic to close that loop-hole.  Part of the danger of a streak is feeling over-confident in this fight.  But staying clean truly requires siyata dishmaya from Hashem.  Perhaps, Hashem felt the need to bring me to a test to remind me never to let my guard down. 

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 17 Mar 2021 14:15 #365592

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Dave M wrote on 17 Mar 2021 14:04:
Yesterday, I slipped.  I updated my Taphsic to close that loop-hole.  Part of the danger of a streak is feeling over-confident in this fight.  But staying clean truly requires siyata dishmaya from Hashem.  Perhaps, Hashem felt the need to bring me to a test to remind me never to let my guard down. 

אמר רבי שמעון בן לקיש: יצרו של אדם מתגבר עליו בכל יום ומבקש להמיתו, שנאמר, 'צופה רשע לצדיק ומבקש להמיתו'. ואלמלא הקב"ה שעוזר לו - אינו יכול לו, שנאמר, 'ה' לא יעזבנו בידו'
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 17 Mar 2021 14:37 #365595

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Last couple of days I've had some slip ups.  I need to be honest with myself here.  Although I have been free from viewing explicit contents or MZ"L for many months now, there is definitely room to improve my shmiras einayim.  As I have noted on Onceandforall's thread.  I go to a jewish gym to workout a few days a week.  The members are mostly from the frum crowd, so should be ok, right?  Well, not so fast.  They have TV monitors throughout the gym with various shows/movies playing.  When working out, I find myself being drawn to the movies that are playing.  Often times, my workout ends before the movie does.  So what do I do?  I google the movie to find out what happens and sometime will watch clips from the movies.  Last few days what I saw was definitely not good.  Deep down I know what I'm doing is not helping my battle and potentially can leads to worst.  But going to the gym and working out is such an enjoyable outlet.  I struggled with this quandary for a  few months.  Until I read Onceandforall's thread.  It helps hit home.  I finally decided to put gadarim in place to protect me from this.   This also reminded me of what I read in the GYE handbook (page 12 )  I copied here:

If we are serious about breaking free of lust addiction, we need to try to refrain from watching TV, movies and reading secular magazines and newspapers as much as possible, since all of them are full of promiscuity. Even the most innocent-sounding children's movies today are filled with imagery which can be very triggering for a lust addict and we must therefore try to avoid them as much as we can. Let's talk about movies, for example. Movies are one of the biggest stumbling blocks to a proper healing from lust addiction, because often we find them very hard to give up. They serve as a source of entertainment for millions of people around the world, and they are often a welcome distraction from the difficult realities of life. But movies are filled to the brim with triggers to lust. And even if one is successful to find a movie with absolutely no provocatively dressed women or kissing scenes in them (almost impossible today), will there still not even be any attractive female actors in the movie at all? If we are trying to guard our eyes in the street - and we must be; how can we allow ourselves to stare at attractive women in a movie for about 2 hours straight? As lust addicts, most of us simply cannot look at attractive women - even modestly dressed - and not think or feel any undercurrent of lust. The nature of the addiction has taken this ability away from us. And we must admit this truth to ourselves; as long as we
are lusting - we are still feeding the addiction. Therefore in the GYE community, we know that if we are truly serious about breaking free from the poison of lust, we must let this be our sacrifice for Hashem's glory and give up non-Jewish movies for good. And surely this will be considered a most precious sacrifice in Hashem's eyes, a sacrifice brought on the altar of our hearts!


Please Hashem.  Accept this sacrifice from me and give us the needed siyata dishmaya


Amazing post, made me rethink my hobbies/free time activity.
Please keep posting Dave, you inspire me too.
I remember when I had a larger streak and had a close call too. Hashem fills in the blanks for us. Probably as a reminder not to let the guard down as you said. But keep it up. You are a true gibbor for sacrificing movies and secular stuff. I'm sure Hashem values your sacrifice more than any korban. I hope to have the same strength as you do.
אם יהיו חטאיכם כשנים, כשלג ילבינו
Last Edit: 17 Mar 2021 14:37 by Snowflake.

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 17 Mar 2021 14:43 #365596

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Thank you for the sobering reminder

Re: Trying to elevate my shmiras einayim 02 Jun 2021 13:00 #369336

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TaPHSiC extended till Tisha Bav
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