Hi everyone.
I have a question. I'm on my second day now and it's soooooo hard to control, I mean, cmon, I was doing really well today than all of a sudden when i came to update my account on gye I mispelled the site and guess what, it was a disgusting site. Guess what else, I slipped into the site cursing myself silently. Luckily Hashem stepped in and starded throwing obsticles at me from all sides and I was able to get out of it, but it's soooo hard (I guess maybe i just need a lot of chizuk) Anybody??????????? 

Hello Powerless,

One thing that helps is, instead of focusing on the problem--NOT ACTING OUT, focus instead on the solution--what productive things can you be thinking and doing instead.  Also...

Welcome to our community, you have finally come home!

We're all in the same boat here. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama   Once you've arrived, there's no turning back. Everyone here will just grab a hold of you and pull you up with them!

GYE Program in a Nutshell: (Right Click the link and press "Save Link/Target As" to save the PDF file to your computer).

'Guard Your Eyes' offers a unique approach to helping people by recognizing that there are many different levels in the struggle for "Shmiras Ainayim" and "Shmiras Habris". After studying the experience of hundreds of religious strugglers over the past few years, we put together the suggestions and recommendations that we feel are best for the various levels. We divided the tools, features and services that GYE offers into 8 different levels. This "GYE Program in a Nutshell can help people quickly identify at what level of the struggle they are at, and which tools and features would help them most at their particular level.

Here are some quick things you can do to help you jump straight into recovery:

1) Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best – and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"… See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information… We also highly advise installing "Reporting Software" such as webchaver.org to give you some accountability, because filters alone are usually not sufficient and they can often be bypassed.

2) Join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day.

3) Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here.

4) Post away on this forum! You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

5) GuardYourEyes also offers many free anonymous phone conferences where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See www.guardyoureyes.org > Tools > Phone Conferences for many different options. Our conferences are taking place every day, morning, noon and night… Joining a phone group would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps – which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but the daily call will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

6) If you need more general guidance, write to our e-mail helpline at gye.help@gmail.com or call our hotline at 646-600-8100.

7) Download and read the "Guard Your Eyes Handbook". This handbook outlines the GYE approach in detail, and makes our network much more effective and helpful for people. The handbook has two parts:

A) The first part, "Attitude & Perspective", details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth…

The second part, "The 18 Tools", detail suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. No matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

May Hashem be with you!

It will eventually become easier. Look at history from others, it becomes very easy later on. Keep on trucking, you are at the right place and just focus on one day at a time.

one of the most potent and important ideas you will hopefully learn and internalize here is that your premise is correct.

'how do people do this?'

they don't.

there is Someone else who can take it off your hands. Let go and let G-d is the idea in summary. sounds counter-intuitive and hard to grasp but it works. allow yourself time and effort to try.

please stay here and soak up the wisdom, tools and group support and b'ezras Hashem you will join the ranks of the free.

wishing you much hatzlocha
zs

Thank you eye.nonymous, shteigcher and zemmiros shabbos I really appreciate the chizzuk
and i'm using it right now.
what can i say it's good to be home!!!!

powerless wrote on 14 Jul 2011 20:33:


powerless wrote on 14 Jul 2011 20:33:


And who do you think caused you to make the mistake in the first place?  Maybe it was a message that you need a good filter (I assume you don't have one, or at least one that is properly set).  While you'll come to discover that a filter (on the computer) is not the complete answer, you need to learn how to filter you mind and heart as well.  It is useful in preventing accidents like this and raising red flags that maybe you are about to cross the line.

Welcome and Hatzlacha

Early this week I was in similar situation. I was doing well, clean for about a week (which is for me a big achievement, not so long ago I was watching porn & masturbating everyday) & overall I was feeling good. Then all the sudden, when driving back home from work I notice a young beautiful lady jugging with little cloth on & look at her for a little bit & then urge just hit me. Unfortunately, I felt & today is my 2nd clean day. Today going to work I saw a young beautiful lady jugging with little cloth on (maybe she was the same lady), but I made sure not to look at her.

I guess this is part of the process. One of the things that help me, is to try not to worry about falls, if you worry about you thinking about it which lead to another fall.  My way at looking at the falls (at least what I am trying to do) is that I cannot control them (ones), so I am not going to worry about. I am just have try to limit them. 

struggler wrote on 15 Jul 2011 01:22:

Struggler first of all congratulations on your successes. May you continue to shteig further. It is a process.
I'm not sure how you define a fall. But i think it would be wrong to think that "you cannot control" them. What is somewhat out of our control is the nisyanos that fall our way. (Although if every time we take a particular route we come across the same half dressed jogger maybe we need to plan a new route)  But the issue is not what we saw inadvertently its how we react when that happens. The first thing is not to get depressed by it. The second is react properly by averting our eyes realizing that if we don't we are just going to end up in a situation that we don't want to be in. Just like a recovering alcoholic won't take even a sip because he knows he won't be able to stop we have to realize that by continue to drink in the site we won't be able to stop with that little sip. So we avert our eyes and then we affirm that is we remind ourselves why we are stopping.  Check out the discussion of the three second rule in the handbook. If you slip up then remember its never too late to turn back. There is no such thing as once I looked its all lost. Every second is independent. And finally remember its a process that takes time. So aim high - it can be done - just recognize that the climb to the top is slow, tiring at times but definitely worth it. Continued hatzlacha.

powerless wrote on 14 Jul 2011 21:15:


Please keep us posted.

Lots of luck,

Eye.

Welcome!

With a name like Powerless, you're bound to succeed.  Turn the battle over to Hashem.  Ask him to take your lust, because you don't want to lust.

When out and about, I have found it best to try not to look at people in general.  We are naturally drawn to look at people, especially if they're moving.  It's a discipline.  But, say for example, I'm driving and there's a runner on the sidewalk.  Maybe it's a male, maybe not.  If I look to find out, and it's a female, it's too late.  Doesn't really matter what she's wearing.

Take it one day at a time, one nisayon at a time.  You don't have to ever fall again.  I've extended my beginner's luck to 2 1/4 years now.  Stay off the computer as soon as you're done whatever you have to do.  Don't surf 'cause your bored.  Don't linger.

Hatzlocho,
Alex

powerless wrote on 14 Jul 2011 20:33:


welcome, yes its hard they call it "healing pain" it will get easier, don;t get down after a fall get up and move on even stronger, you CAN do it just like we all here can and has done.

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 14 Jul 2011 20:53:


yeh it's just like giving up, it's easy.    Allow yourself to feel like a s-ker in the hands of the YH, since anyway you are, and just beg hashem to save your skin (and other stuff).

Parden the crude language, but it's that blunt (and my learning has been shvach recently, so i'm losing my gentle touch)

Old friend wrote on 20 Jul 2011 09:36:


Can you explain this concept to me i'm not sure i get it 100% is it like betochin that you rely on hashem to take care of you ? does this mean that you don't have to do anything but just rely on god?

to understand the idea of giving the battle over to G-d i would recommend you read the Big Book (alcoholics anonymous) or search the forum, as it has been discussed a lot.
(at the end of the day it is not so important to 'understand' it, rather to do whatever works to stay out of trouble, regardless of whether you understand it or not. like toothpaste, do you understand how it benefits your teeth? but we brush our teeth regardless - hopefully . )
see also Sukkah 52:
and the Ohr Hachaim Hakadosh attached below

ZemirosShabbos wrote on 20 Jul 2011 14:58:


thanks i have seen that our hachaim but never thought about it like that, i think i'm beginning to understand.

btw how do you attach a file to a post?