Chevra:
I'm always so amazed at how quickly the hour flies by. I love the comments from you all ("yall" from where I come). There is so much insight and experience on these calls. I wake up everyday and count the minutes till we can all be together on another Call. Thanks!
We're cruising thru Chapter One - Bill's Story. We read page 4 thru 6 today and can take away the following important lessons:
- We see how Bill attributes his resilience in the face of turmoil to his addiction. He feels like a stud.
- Thus his "solution" is now reinforcing his EGO. We see how Bill somehow manages to rationalize his choices.
- "Lusting ceased to be a luxury; it became an necessity." (pg 5) Bill crossed the Line. He now was at a place where he had lost his freedom of choice.
- Yet, we see how the sick brain keeps us in the delusion that we are in control.
- We see Bill's swearing off phase. We've all been there. We really don't want to be acting out or deep in our addiction. How many times have we made a promise that "this is the last time, I'm going to do x, y or z." OR "I'm OK with doing x but I'll never do z."? Yet, how soon do we cross the line we just set last week, yesterday or 10 minutes ago??!!
- By the end of our reading, we saw Bill go thru the cycle of falling, hating himself, bouncing back and falling again.
- During the call we discussed two topics I wanted to comment more about - Rationalizing and Self Awareness.
As we go deeper into the Program, we will talk more about these, but for now just note the following:
How are we going to break this cycle of rationalizing our way thru life? (Thank you to the Participant who emailed me their comments to this idea)
Our breakthrough will come thru our "Psychic Change" by understanding
what is our purpose in life.
If I keep holding onto my old design for living; which tells me that the Universe revolves around me, then, of course I am going to
rationalize that all of my choices are for both my benefit and the benefit of everyone and everything around me. By virtue of the fact that I AM THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE, then everyone and everything DEPENDS on me. So I think logically that if it's good for me, then it must be "absolutely" good.
But as soon as I shift my paradigm and realize that the Universe has done just fine without me up to now, and will probably do just fine once I'm gone - then I can start to transform my relationship with Universe and (borrowing a great line from John F Kennedy)
Ask not what the Universe can do for you, but rather what can you do for the Universe. I know this line may seem trite, but it is really powerful and runs very contrary to the way most of us think and interact.
We'll talk a lot more about this in future calls.
I want to also thank another participant who challenged me to my warning that we spend too much time in Self Consciousness. I suggested today that we think too much about ourselves, work too much on ourselves, spend way too much time in front of therapists and reading the latest self-help book at Barnes and Nobles.
This participant was pointing out that "isn't that what our Group is all about?" Isn't the introspection a good thing?
After reading this well written email of which I agree with most of the remarks, I recognize that my comments could have easily been misinterpreted.
For sure, the Program encourages
Self Awareness. It is so important for each of us to
Pause and
Listen to that inner voice - the one that is pure and connected to our Higher Power. Yes, this type of Awareness is critical for our personal recovery.
My intention was to reveal the danger of an excessively common trait of the addict and that is
Self Centeredness. When we spend every second from the moment we wake up until we go to sleep think about me, me, me, we leave no space in our lives for Him or the ones who are closest to us. By always focusing on ourselves, we become
IN-Sensitive. As in always turning our sensitivities inward - as opposed to outward - outward to our loved ones, our community and G-d. [Is there such a word as Outsensitive??]
As addicts, we become
full of ourselves - and by definition - we become void of others.
With G-d's help, this Program will help us gain our New Design for Living. And with it, we will enjoy much much more of His Light.
Looking
FORWARD Duvid Chaim
