This topic comes up periodically on the list.
It came up last night during the call-in...so I decided to share some wisdom I've gathered Dr Ullman a leading researcher on sex addictions (
thesexaddictedbrain.typepad.com/).
Before getting to the problem - lets try to understand the normal pain-pleasure cycle.
(I'm not a doctor - so for all you know I might have just made this stuff up.. but you are welcome to read Dr Ullman's blog...just in case I made an error or two)
1. woman goes through labor (LOTS OF PAIN)
birth
2. brain gets flooded with OXYCITINS (know as the love hormone)
Woman has string desire to CONNECT with the child - see the child, hold child, etc.
3. brain gets flooded with ENDORPHINS (pleasure hormones)
ahhhh!! birth although painful - becomes pleasurable, meaning ful, etc.
Expanding upon this, in a moment of Love or during time with wife in the bedroom, the brain releases DOPAMINES - a chemical which creates a high level of focus.
Dopamines - are like candy to a child, it creates MORE desire for the same!!
Mind candy!
Scientist have also discovered - that brain cells which "fire" together (get all charged up over certain acts) tend to become wired together. This how we learn behaviors, all the cells in the body become wired together to help us repeat an action. Go ahead try to "UNLEARN" how to ride a bicycle, or learn to ride a bicycle in a different manner!!
Problem is the mind cannot tell the difference between the real act - and the stories we tell ourselves.
and the brain releases the same chemicals. So here is what the addicted mind looks like:
PAIN
(seek pleasure...but nobody to connect too...so the OXYCITINS get stuck in the brain... with no where to go)
ENDORPHINS released (momentary pleasure.. more like comfort)
OXYCITINS - rot and grow old in the brain...creating more PAIN - creating a greater demand for the ENDORPHINS to counter the greater pain!
P*rn - rapid, intense focus - releases DOPAMINES... the brain LEARNS to "connect " with inanimate objects... and seeks more of the intense thrills...by focusing on so many rapid images, rather than on one person (ie, your spouse), the brain looses its ability to focus (procrastination settles in...frustration...more anger)
(definition of addiction: Progressive degeneration of the mind. In other words, think about where you are today.. and where you where 6 months ago, and where you will be in 6 months if you keep on the same path)
When trying to have a real relationship - the brain rebels!! the brain cells have already been wired together, and they are not interested in learning something new!! Resistance to old patterns settle in... we get drawn further in...
behaviours become habitual... we become addicted and cannot stop. we act without thinking..
in short - your brain is being rotted away, cell by cell!
so now that you know.. now you have a bigger challenge on your hands...
are you going to stop, because of what the Scientists say?
Or because you want to be part of the Divine Plan, and do what the Creator requires of you?
Which one will bring more happiness into your life??
(ok - so lets define HAPPINESS: HAPPINESS comes from doing what you are supposed to be doing!
for example, look at a weight lifter - he will work out, exert huge amounts of efforts, go through lots of painful work outs, etc, and yet he enjoys what he is doing, because he knows this is what he needs to be doing)
Not confused enough?
Join us Tues 2:30 eastern -I'll try my best to confuse you some more.
dov.in.israel (dov.ii )