The above post has inspired me like never before. Thanks so much.... :
OK then, since we have now discovered that your basic problem is
having internet access and that there is nothing seriously 'off'
inside you at all, because you are a frummeh yid!! - and
all yidd'n would be just fine...if not for the accursed internet ym"sh....
Phew, what a relief! Quick, call my friend David/Rage, I need a moist shmateh!
So.
Please join me in singing this little song, to your favorite Rosh Chodesh modzitzer version of "
Hoidi laShem ki toiv - ki l'Oilum Chazzdoi!" :
Even those of us who are compulsively fantasizing and eyeing pretty shiksas at the supermarket -
their real problem is "the internet";
Even those of us who are listening to and talking dirty talk on the telephones -
their real problem is "the internet";
Even those of us who can't shower twice in a row without 'servicing themselves' -
their real problem is "the internet";
Even those of us in kollel and visiting 'working women' at their lunch breaks -
their real problem is "the internet";
Even those of us who don't daven mincha with a hat [!] -
their real problem is "the internet" ;
(It really helps you enjoy this better if you start it off with three rounds of Woodford and have a little chaser between stanzas. Just some advice cuz I love you!) (BTW, Reb b, how do you say "chaser" in mammehloshon?)
Even those of us whose Tikkun Klali 'wears off' by nightfall and find we are back searching for porn nuchamol -
their real problem is "the internet";
Even those of us who don't understand this song, at all -
their real problem is "the internet" (Nee, it's metamtem halev - of
course you can't understand my holy words if you look on the internet!)
.....oh, I gotta go back to work. But at least now it all makes sense! I do not need to change a thing about myself or recovery, work any silly goyishe "steps" or anything! All I need to do is FEAR THE (
he-who-shall-not-be-named) INTERNET (ym"sh!). As long as I have a good, strong, filter, who needs G-d? Aless est en ordnung!
Now I can "trust in" Hashem! After all,
He (yisborach) doesn't use
the internet, either! Hooray!
Reb b....is there
any hope for me, at all? ha'otzaltoh li brochah achas?
Hoping the "o" guy has a good sense of humor. Good heavens! If not, then he might chas v'Sholom go on the internet! BTW, exactly what does "o" stand for?
Forgive me, Tatty.....
:-*