hi all, please take the time to reply and post any experiences or encouraging stories!!

ill tell you a bit about me first - maybe some of you will find it easier to relate to me this way!

i live in london, and im in my last year at school

next year i will be going to yeshiva in jerusalem for the year which im really looking forward to, and i would love to have ridden myself of this terrible addiction by the time i go!

today is my 5th clean day of my current 'streak', and its now getting really hard! im in the middle of my exams, so im revising a lot atm. however, during breaks, especially if im at home alone, i feel extremely weak....

i find that there are certain 'checkpoints' during the day which i know if i reach ill be ok (such as mincha and maariv, when my family come home etc...) , but i was wondering if anyone knew of any other means to maintain a constant positive mental attitude!

right now im feeling strong but i dont know what tomorrow will bring, so please reply, and i hope to get to know some of you as well as giving only me advice!!

thank you so much!

p.s ive been using this site for about a week now, and i think its great! if i do come clean b'h, i know itll definitely part because of this incredible GYH

Dear Danny,

I am the admin of this forum. Welcome to our community!

Scientific studies have shown that it takes 90 days to change a neural thought pattern that was ingrained in the brain through addictive behaviors. Did you join the 90 day chart on-line? Sign up over here...

Make sure to install a strong filter. It will be almost impossible to break free of this while having all the garbage within a mouse click away. See this page for one good filter option, along with instructions on how to install it best - and give away the password to our "filter Gabai"... See this page for another 20 (or so) filter ideas and information...

We get cries for help every day, by e-mail and on the forum. Tzuras Rabim Chatzi Nechama    And that is why we created the GYE handbooks (links below). If you read them well, from beginning to end, slowly, and try to implement what you read, you will find the answers within them to enable you to completely turn your life around. You're worth it.

Also, join the daily Chizuk e-mail lists to get fresh chizuk every day, and post away on this forum. You will get tons of daily Chizuk and support. This disease can't be beat alone. It works best when you get out of isolation!

GuardYourEyes also offers various free anonymous phone conferences, where you can join a group of other frum Yidden, along with an experienced sponsor. See this page for four different options. Our conferences are taking place daily, throughout the week... This would be a tremendous step in the right direction for you and help you learn freedom from this addiction. Not only will you learn the secret of the 12-Steps - which is known to be the world's most powerful program for beating addiction having helped millions world wide, but joining the group will be another way of GETTING OUT OF ISOLATION and connecting with others who are going through what you are.

One of our goals on GYE is to help people "hit bottom while still on top" so they will take recovery seriously. To explain better what I mean, please see this page. If you're here, it means you're already taking serious steps in recovery, so keep up the good work!

Let me tell you a little about the two GuardYourEyes handbooks. The lay down the cornerstone of all our work at GuardYourEyes. Before the GYE handbook people would often get "lost" when coming to our website, not knowing what tips and techniques to try. For example, someone with a low level addiction wouldn't jump straight into therapy or 12-Step groups, while someone whose addiction was more advanced wouldn't be helped by the standard tips of "making fences", putting in filters etc... For the first time ever, this handbook details all the techniques and tools dealing with this addiction in progressive order. Now, anyone can read it through and see what steps they've tried already, and if those steps haven't worked, they can continue on through the handbook to the next tools, as the suggestions become progressively more "addiction-oriented".

We suggest printing out the handbooks and reading it them at least once. Then, we suggest going back and reading them again slowly on the computer, and this time pressing on the many links that are found in the different articles.

And the second handbook, called the "Attitude" handbook, can also help anyone, no matter what level of addiction they may have. Often people write in to us saying that had they only known the proper outlook & attitude that we try and share on the GuardYourEyes network when they were younger, they would have never fallen into an addiction in the first place! So we hope that through this handbook, many addictions will be prevented.

The handbooks are PDF files, set up as eBooks, and they have bookmarks and hyper-links in the Index, to make them easy to navigate.

Right click on the links below and select "Save Link/Target As" to download the handbooks to your computer.

1) The GuardYourEyes Handbook
This Handbook details 18 suggested tools and techniques, in progressive order, beginning with the most basic and fundamental approaches to dealing with this addiction, and continuing down through increasingly earnest and powerful methods. For the first time, we can gauge our level of addiction and find the appropriate tools for our particular situation. And no matter what level our addiction may have advanced to, we will be able to find the right tools to break free in this handbook!

2) The GuardYourEyes Attitude
The Attitude Handbook details 30 basic principles to help us maintain the proper attitude and perspective on this struggle. Here are some examples: Understanding what we are up against, what it is that Hashem wants from us, how we can use this struggle for tremendous growth, how we can deal with bad thoughts, discovering how to redirect the power of our souls, understanding that every little bit counts, learning how to bounce back up after a fall, and so on and so forth...

May Hashem be with you!

welcome and Hatzlacha Raboh on your sobriety and exams. How about going on this forum when u feel lonely or weak? U can send me a message too.

Danny, glad you made it. You are definately in the right place.

If you find yourself weak, try taking a walk. Feast your eyes on pure things that birth pure thoughts. Kids in a park. Nature. If you can't do that, try pictures of loved ones. Hey, just try to get your mind somewhere better. Know that the impulses will pass.

Whatever you can do, do it. We are all here for you. Since you are so busy with studies, why not take a moment every hour or so to review a few lines in the "attitude" handbook? Keep yourself busy with the right mindset. This can prove to be the dealmaker.

Hatzlocha rabbah. Keep your head up. Be strong. You are going to make it. Oh. And Hashem loves you!!!!

Hey Danny,

I discovered after failing exams again and again that masturbation weakens and wastes away all of your physical, spiritual and mental faculties. Every time a man emits his seed, some of his cerebrospinal fluid (the liquid that bathes and nourishes the brain and cells in the central nervous system) is also lost. Effectively, you send out part of your brain when you ejaculate.

For me, the fear and painful memory of the consequences of this sin (everything the rabbis say concerning this sin is true btw, unfortunately I know this from experience) motivate me to stay away from triggers and 'dangerous' situations. You need all your strength to help you pass your exams, so tell that YH to go to hell when he tries to trick you.

My advice is to go outdoors and enjoy the sun when you feel tempted. I live in London as well and the weather's gorgeous so let's enjoy it!

TC and gd luck with the exams,

DL 

DesertLion wrote on 16 Jun 2010 11:16:


Danny: welcome aboard; shkoiach for your success in using the site so far; may it continue to bring you chizuk, progress, liberation, etc. You've done a good thing in coming here, I can assure you.

DL: Can you please explain about mas*n taking away a piece of your brain? Do you mean that literally spinal fluid is mixing with semen? And that this fluid would otherwise be available to the brain? Or perhaps just something a bit more abstract? The Doctor Is In, and a little confused at the statement. Let's not start guilt trips unless we're all clear what the basis is.... Thanks.

Hi Briut,

I'm sorry if I initiated a guilt trip (that was not my intention), but in reply to your question, you are correct in your assumption: apparently one of the components of semen is cerebrospinal fluid. In addition, this isn't just something I made up to scare people. I wouldnt be irresponsible enough to lie about something so serious. I remember reading it on one of the Jewish websites somewhere such as briskodesh.org or truekabbalah.org (can't remember exactly). Since you're doctor, I'm curious to hear what current medical opinion is regarding masturbation in the country in which you practice.

When I was suffering from a whole host of health problems which were without doubt caused by years of masturbation, I went to see numerous doctors. They all told me the same thing, namely that masturbation was healthy and that nothing was physically wrong with me. All they did to 'help' me was to suggest I see psychiatrists, who were unable to do anything for me.

Anyway, I hope you've been well.

TC,

DL

DesertLion wrote on 16 Jun 2010 14:23:

Sorry, I'm looking for a medical textbook or journal that cites semen coming from spinal fluid, rather than sperm from the testicles and the rest from the prostate gland. Please share if you find one.

And in the US, at least, mast*n is not known to cause any medical problems. [Except perhaps irritation of the itself, in which case the problem is with technique .] As you mentioned, many doctors (not frum ones...) would say it's a healthy way to let off steam. The Surgeon General of the US said that, on the record. (Perhaps folks in other countries are built differently???)

Hey Briut,

If I come across a scientifically accepted resource that corroborates my statement, I'll be sure to post it.

I'm glad that at least some doctors in the States still tell people the truth. My opinion is that masturbation affects people to different degrees, depending on the vitality and strength of their constitution. People from different races and climates may be built differently, but I think that masturbation is always detrimental, regardless of colour.

Anyway TC,

DL

   

Hi Danny,

I can relate to a lot of what you say; I myself have and had problems with studying when stressed and especially,home alone with a computer within my reach. Several times I've found myself wasting my time on sick stuff,rather than picking up the books. I don't know if it works for you,but I usually stayed after school to study,if I finished early,so I wouldn't be alone at home.  Sometimes,I went to the library or took a walk home in the nice weather and enjoy the fresh air. Also,don't get to stressed about exams. Study like one hour at a time,then take a small break. Do something else to relax your mind and let it digest what you've learned. Hope it will help you. We're here for you!

guys thank you all soo much!!

today was a really easy day thank g-d!

DL, i kinda agree with Briut- when youre told something like that always take it with a pinch of salt and check it out for yourself, but what i have heard and as true is that wasting seed does affect your performance in sports and physical exercise because of something to do with testosterone levels so maybe it has a mental affect too!

thank you for all the welcomes, and WWW, thanks so much! im gonna start going to the library as much as i can and see if it helps- ive finished schooll so i cant stay behind but thanks a lot! keep posting on this wall and if a few of us can keep up supporting each other, with Hashems hand we will go very far!

all the best to you all - tomorrow will be my 7th clean day and i cant wait to hit 'the week' mark!

all the best

KEEP ON TRUCKING
WAY TO GO MAN!!!

cheers bro!!

loving the enthusiasm!!

Danny wrote on 16 Jun 2010 20:08:

Sorry to kick this myth in the , also, but it's just an urban legend. For decades folks thought exactly what you're saying: lowers testosterone levels, affects muscle-based hormones and serotonin receptors and everything. Coaches forever have told the guys to avoid se*ual activity of any kind erev games.

They finally did some studies on this. I don't remember how . As I recall, the evidence showed it made no difference in physical performance. As to mental focus etc, it seemed to show it was even a good idea because it .

Kids, don't try this at home. But I don't think we can point to the loss of physical or mental performance as a reason to stay away. We'll have to rely on Hashem's law, plus our own understanding of our own triggers.

Now, on to the "if you do that, you'll go blind" argument....

Isn't there a Rambam in Yad Ha Chzacka which discourages too much s* stating that excessive s* activity causes early aging, other health problems, ect? Wouldn the same also apply to hotzos zera through other means...
On a different note do i understand from your post that there is no medical evidence to link m* to P.E.?