Just fallen, after trying so hard. I need your help...

For some months now, I have been successful in staying away from Internet, etc..
But despite no 'external' things, desire hits... and I just crumble... (particularly when my wife is off-limits or we are fighting).
I am not feeding my desire with images, thoughts etc.. just physically I get turned on, and I try ignore/fight, but sooner or later I can't hold off the physical pleasure.

It's really the physical pleasure, not an internet or external driven issue.

Anyone relate?

emessokay wrote on 08 Jun 2010 14:26:

Yep, folks are here for lotsa different reasons. I'm guessing the site got set up because internet p**n can take an edel yeshiva bochur raised on Torah and capture him immediately in one bright flash of pritzus-gone-haywire. But there are many other guys here.

I don't need to spell it ALL out. Obsession with m**n, spending time and money on stuff they can rent but never own, all kinds of reasons.

The siren's call of the physical experience is a very logical one. Certainly, it hits me pretty rough. It's even worse when my state of affairs keeps me away from any outlet (wife in niddah, shvua against , etc.). And if my body begins a physical arousal, well it gets pretty rough indeed.

How to stop it? Do you honestly think anyone here is going to have the answer? Or even AN answer? Or certainly an answer that will work FOR YOU? Possible but unlikely.

My only eitza would be to think of ways to fill your life up with something ELSE, something GOOD, so that there's no ROOM for the shmutz (or even the non-shmutzy feelings - not all erotica is shmutz when you're married, with your wife, etc). Breathe in the good, in order that the bad stuff have no more place to dwell.

PM if you want to discuss further; I'm afraid it might be triggering to some/many here.

Good luck, friend.

emessokay wrote on 08 Jun 2010 14:26:

Chazak V'Amatz!
I hear u! We are definitely addicted  to pleasure!! And the goyeshe influences around us in golus nebach frame our viewpoints. They say we are entitled to have a "good time" ,have fun, If if feels good then just do it"
the idea of resisting tempation is foreign. Believe me the words "fun" and "curious" are words of the Y.H. Beware! This computer thing has me adicted just to posting on this forum and waiting for reply messages. True,I am trying to break out of my isolation and reach out to get chizuk from others and give chizuk to them at the same time. But at the expense of "hiding out from my wife & kids",missing tefila b'zibur and shiur kavuah!
How is your relationship with other substances like food? are u a "fresser" like me?  I identify with the Shalom Bayis difficulties. Please be honest,is  the m* thing that much fun??? It may allow for a release of tension or a certain "rush" but afterwards there is certainly a feeling bad that we fell. Maybe it is numbing?
BTW there is an Ohr Ha Chayim which describes the desire for torah (for someone really into learning) as an addictive substance! The gishmak of ruchnayis is far exeeds that of gashmius!!! Y'hi Ratzon that we all may be zoche to the ta'am of kirvas elokim in learning,davening ,and other avodos hakodesh!  Let me know how u are doing.

Hey Emessokay,

A lot of us are here on this site because we all believed, or refused to disbelieve that the few moments of pleasure we obtain from acting out are worth the consequences.

The trouble is that even ocassional acting out can very quickly become addictive and lead to worse and worse things... (I don't want to sound patronising, but as an ex-addict I know how good I can be at fooling myself.)

If I were you I would do as many press-ups as it takes to kill the lustful urge when it strikes. It may be hard work, but it's simple and has worked for me. Just do anything that you like other than acting out when you feel randy and the wife isn't available.

I hope that helps.

TC and KUTGW,

DL

Hey. yeah.. I'm having a hard time with the internet too..

hi emes..

you said
>> It's really the physical pleasure, not an internet or external driven issue.

me thinks differently.. after having been there and done that.. I've come to realize its not an internet problem at all - but only an inner ear problem... my inner ear.. and all teh garbage I was feeding my self... all my thoughts which were off. selfish, resentful... it was the total combined amount of ALL of these which was driving me toward the internet.. in hope of finding some comfort... and escape.

FREEDOM takes a plan of action.. one step at a time.
but I believe you can do it..


interested? let me know.

Dov.ii

i just e-mailed u the 4th step sheets used by DuvidChaim's group. hatzlacha raba