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hotel room emergency
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.

TOPIC: hotel room emergency 4693 Views

hotel room emergency 19 Jan 2010 21:44 #47029

  • 5770
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guys i am holed up in a hotel with nothing but internet and cable tv.  I have been bored to distraction in meetings all day where lustful thoughts keep saying Hello.  NOw I am on my own, away from home, wife + child.  Amazingly I am on day 57 - my longest abstinence since i was prbably 12 years old.  DOnt want to wreck my "winning streak"but I gotta admit i am starting to go a little mental.  i should mention that i am on a non-phsycal relations diet for the last 5 years+ so u see where i am coming from (yep i have been cultivating something of a Shalom bayis problem for a good many years). 
in vain i put a picture of my child on the tv in the hotel room.,.. not sure how long that's going to help. 
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Re: hotel room emergency 19 Jan 2010 22:02 #47036

  • bardichev
PROMISE YOURSELF A BOTTLE OF WOODFORD

IF MY TRUCK IS NEAR YOUR HOTEL I WILL TOOT THE HORN AAAAAAYYREA LOUD

KEEP ON TRUCKIN!!
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Re: hotel room emergency 19 Jan 2010 22:04 #47038

  • kanesher
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Captain, how you holding up?
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Re: hotel room emergency 19 Jan 2010 22:16 #47042

  • the.guard
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7Up sent me this awesome PM:

Rage wrote to me last night about his fear of being in a hotel room with TV and open filter. This is part of what I replied. Thought we could all gain from Rav Taubers perspective:

***

Your comment about the TV and internet reminded me of a shiur I once heard from Rav Ezriel Tauber:

He too was traveling, and was delayed overnight after a long hard day. The airline put him up in a fancy hotel with a huge TV screen and internet access. Being Rabbi Tauber, these posed no real challenge for him though, and he took out his sefer, sat on the couch and proceeded to learn. Within minutes he was fast asleep! After a significant period of time, he woke up and started to cry. "Tatty, my (great?)grandparents were workers. They rose at dawn, put in a whole day of hard physical labor and returned home totally spent. But what did they do a soon as they got home? They went to the shul and spent the next few hours learning, regardless of their exhaustion.Their learning came at tremendous personal sacrifice. And me? I spent my day traveling and speaking, not backbreaking anything, yet I cant even give You the pleasure of a few hours learning?? "


But then he stopped and put it back in perspective. "Previous doros served You with "asei tov".  I will serve via "sur me'rah". Here I am Tatty, faced with a huge TV screen and full internet access. I am all alone so no one will ever know if I turned them on. No one but You and I. And this is my gift to both You, and myself. My karbon of self sacrifice will be not touching those 'on' buttons."

***

Every second that we withstand the nisayon and dont give in to our personal teivos, is no less precious to HKBH than all the karbonos our grandparents brought in the Beis Hamikdash. 'Sur me'rah' is the challenge of our dor.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
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Re: hotel room emergency 19 Jan 2010 22:24 #47043

  • me3
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5770

I just did a quick look back at your posts as that 5 year comment threw me for a loop. In fact it blew me away, that your clean for as long as you are is amazing. Your situation, however, doesn't really look very promising. This may be a dumb suggestion, but have you tried marriage counseling (preferrably by a Jewish one if your wife would agree)? You need to hit the reset button in your marriage in a big way, if you hope to succeed in all your endeavors.
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Re: hotel room emergency 19 Jan 2010 23:43 #47077

  • silentbattle
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I'll take a look at your older posts in a minute, but if you need to, take a break - leave the room for a few minutes, go for a walk/jog, listen to some music!

If necessary, stay out till you're tired, then come back and get some sleep!

You are incredible...rock on!
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Re: hotel room emergency 20 Jan 2010 00:57 #47098

  • shemirateinayim
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I know this sounds crazy, but what if you used the time during your clean streak to rebuild your marriage. There are many good books out ther, and many bad ones. I'll recoment "What did you say" if you need more info to find the books send me a PM. You won't be the first person to start from scratch, and if you do it, it will probably serve as the antidote to your triggers. My addiction was fed by depression, and when I became a happy and healthy person, It cleared up for the most part (from HZ"L every 2 hours....to only once daily. Hey that's progress!)

I know this isn't the room for marriage counseling, they probably opened a thread for that in the married only place... for "someone that they know", "a freind", and "a cousin".  ;D . But if they didn't, um hmm, -'scratching head'- I wonder.... mybe you should
Last Edit: 11 Feb 2010 05:02 by .

Re: hotel room emergency 20 Jan 2010 06:06 #47134

  • kanesher
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um...no. marriage counseling with an intelligent counselor is a good thing. I've been to both types. Gotta do your homework. Frum or Jewish isn't nearly as important as intelligent. Like most things in life.
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Re: hotel room emergency 20 Jan 2010 06:25 #47140

  • habaletaher
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Me very familiar with marriage counseling and therapy, me never hear of 5 year no-physical-relations diet

me thinks that is called anorexia, and is wery wery dangerous
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Re: hotel room emergency 20 Jan 2010 14:17 #47182

  • Ineedhelp!!
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So how did you hold up, 5770?? :o :o :o

-Yiddle
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Re: hotel room emergency 20 Jan 2010 14:40 #47194

  • Eye.nonymous
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Can't anyone please ask the hotel management to remove the TV and computer or at least disable it!!!  Don't even bother explaining, just say, "I'd really appreciate it."  If they ask why, just say, "I'd really appreciate it!"

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Re: hotel room emergency 20 Jan 2010 14:50 #47204

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...and if that doesn't work give the bus-boy $10 or $20 bucks to do the job.
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HANGING IN THERE! 20 Jan 2010 17:43 #47288

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dear Yidden - thank you for the thoughts and attention.

How did I manage for 5-6 years without any relations?

you have to understand, i have almost completely destryoyed my marriage due to p@rn/living in a fantasy land, treating my wife with anger, resentment, hatred, putting her down, yelling, criticizing and of course I RAN OFF AND HID IN MY WORLD OF P#RN.  Dreaming of the other woman,.  SIzing up every woman I saw.  Everywhere - streetm, magazine, shul, poster, tv, internet .    lucky me, some where to hide!  I gave my wife nowhere to hide, just made her insecure even through she has her own problems, frailties and failings. I did not help her, I broke her.  AND BLAMED HER. for problems in the home, for her own problems, her lack of freinds, problems with our child. I blamed her.

And now i am in this hotel.  I have put pictures of my child on the TV, but even doing INNOCENT stuff ... let's say I see a pair of legs and I've already done 10,000 mental transgressions in 5 seconds!

My YH is saying "you've gone nearly 60 days - forget about it - you'll do better next time - go one get rid of all that tension!!!  besides which, you'll get prostate cancer if you don;t!!!"

Tried reading Tehillim a bit.  But was too tired.  BUT NOT TOO TIRED TO THINK INNAPROPRIATELY!

thank you THANK YOU for the attention.  I am doing fine.  SO MUCH BETTER knowing that other people are checking in on me............
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Re: hotel room emergency 20 Jan 2010 17:57 #47292

  • bardichev
5770

yeah its hard

been there and so done that

please keep on truckin!!
please dont worry about the 1000000 mental stuff

that is plain old atzas hayetzer its called the "anyway yeter hora"

listen 5770 the yh is a trickster

to a chassid he is a rebbeh

to a litvakk he is a mashgiach

i dont know what you are

but now mashgiach Yh came with a huge gemara yoma oiz vehadar edition

and he is giving a shmoooze

and yh mashgiach says

oyyy veyyy

hirhurei avaera  kasha mai-avaira!!

uchh you lowlife you were oiver so many

hirhurei avaeiraaa

you might as well

sin and do the

simple little maaaseh avairah!!


5770

KICK HIM OFF THE PODIUM

TELL HIM WHERE TO GO

WITH HIS BIG GEMARA!!!
HE IS A SLY TRICKSTER!!

GEVALDIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

KEEP

ON

TRUCKIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Re: HANGING IN THERE! 20 Jan 2010 18:25 #47294

  • me3
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5770 wrote on 20 Jan 2010 17:43:

dear Yidden - thank you for the thoughts and attention.

How did I manage for 5-6 years without any relations?

you have to understand, i have almost completely destryoyed my marriage ............treating my wife with anger, resentment, hatred, putting her down, yelling, criticizing and of course I RAN OFF AND HID  ..........    I gave my wife nowhere to hide, just made her insecure even through she has her own problems, frailties and failings. I did not help her, I broke her.   AND BLAMED HER. for problems in the home, for her own problems, her lack of freinds, problems with our child. I blamed her.




Have you told this to your wife?
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