BenHashemBH wrote on 16 Jul 2024 16:25:

The thank you was for leaving

To all those wondering what WW thoughts are:
Just came home and she says;
'Thank you for weathering the storm'
I didn't ask for an explanation

vehkam wrote on 16 Jul 2024 14:48:

Womenfolk can have that effect on ya 

There is this woman who I had called in the past [but never met] that called tonight.
She takes money and is married but on the other hand I have cheshek to meet her.
I'm grateful that I'm not in the grip of not being able to say no
however the fleeting thought in my brain that this would be a welcome escape made me realize that its kedai to jornal about it.

Maybe it is just a build up, my WW gets very stressed [often] about things as if the world is about to crumble. When she is stressed mode she stops functioning and everything else comes to a standstill. She will have no headspace for me and I feel alone, and then I have to use imitative and [a lot of] patience to work things out and undo the mess she got herself into.
It's draining for me.
Thats all.
I think I could be a therapist

parev wrote on 16 Jul 2024 17:08:

many therapists see a therapist, even with many years of experience in the field 

parev wrote on 16 Jul 2024 17:08:

i feel for you,
if only your wife, would understand and realize, that she turned her husband into an addict due to her behaviors.

praying for your wifes recovery,
cande

orI am realizing this trade off factor is around quite alot.
EG I want to get out to Yeshiva but the kids are messing around.
She gets stressed and switches off - tells me she cant cope and that I have to deal with them.
Now I am better at coping dealing and calming them but in the interim she will be eating pizza and chatting to her friends in the bedroom.
I end up being late to yeshiva - miss maariv etc.
OR
I tell her bye bye sweetie I have to go now - and then she goes on a tirade how I always ditch her...

Or I do the kids and then I miss maariv and then feel yucky and then spend another while posting on GYE...

parev wrote on 16 Jul 2024 15:53:

I have long said (to anyone who'd listen) that giving people a ride is true-blue הכנסת אורחים. I asked a שאלה and was told if I need the time, I can feel free to not offer a ride. I now rarely give rides as I use the time in the car for the items Parev delineated. I don't feel the least bit guilty about it. Hashem will get them a ride without me. I don't run the world (newsflash!) and He can do a fine job helping them......................

Muttel

There is a balance.
From my experience 'trading' doesn't work nearly as well as sharing and giving - because the responsibility is combined and no one is owed anything. 

BenHashemBH wrote on 16 Jul 2024 17:30:

I'm not sure what you refer to as trading
If you are referencing to 'the trade-off factor' I think it was misunderstood.
I mean to say that when someone [ed WW] asks me to do something and I have reason not to
I will weigh my preference vs their need and that's where there can be an imbalance can take place

parev wrote on 16 Jul 2024 18:24:

Your trade-off is your personal cheshbon in choosing one thing over another. What I mean is, are you doing your wife a favor by taking care of chores and watching children, vs giving for the needs in your home. The former can leave us feeling like we did more than our share and now the other spouse needs to catch up (we feel owed); while the latter is focused on me and what I have the capacity to provide. 
It is normal to feel shorted when it seems that we're pulling the weight and others are dragging their feet or slacking. We still need to be careful how we think about "helping" at home - favors, as opposed to shared responsibilities.

Parev - relax, I am not going to write how you are a terrible person chas veshalom!

I will say this to you, and all of us, what I heard from my RY many times. Even if she is wrong, you can't change her. You can't change the world. You want to change the world, change yourself, be a better person. So the fact that you can and are working on yourself - doesn't mean that you are the bad guy here, or wrong. So feel the emotions, it is great you are in touch with how you are feeling. But then move along, see how you can become a better person, a better husband.

Again, it doesn't mean she does not need to change things and to get help. But you need to focus on your side of the grass, not getting her to fix up her issues. Is this hard? Yes! But is there another way?

Yes, therapy should be able to help. Also - did you ever imagine this story happened the other way? You wanting to chill, asking your wife for help with something, and she says in 5 minutes, and then the back and forth.
??

Do you feel this? Or you are choilek?

Agav - in general, and it sounds like in your case too, the woman does much more, gives much more of herself, then the man. Even if she is lazy and likes to relax.

And did you ever see how those women you want to speak to - how they treat their husband when they are not in a great mood, when they don't feel cherished and getting attention, when they are stressed?

jus wanna share; got a call from the admin of mir about my sign hanging,... turns out they weren't happy with the location i hung a couple, i apologized but he tried pressuring me for my name, but I didn't relent...
though BH he didn't seem to have an issue with the content!!
I'm shaking for some reason 

Do u put your phone number on a sign? Why?

crispy wrote on 18 Jul 2024 14:04:

I don't expect pple to know my number via nevuoah