Sounds rough.
With all due respect, and you deserve respect for coming here and trying to fix up your life and marriage:
Please stop blaming your issues on your wife. Regardless of her issues, you need to fix yourself, not her. You don't fix her by dragging her to a therapist. You focus on fixing yourself.

No special tips on what you need to do, but by changing your perspective and understanding of your situation, you can set yourself up for success in actual change.

And you will not help yourself by having an affair or committing adultery. Please stop looking for empathy s.x from other women. Did you ever hear "the shmooze" from Rabbi Orlofsky on platonic relationships? Please don't fool yourself.

To add: Parev, I do get you. I went through this for many years. It is tough but it is much tougher when you blame her. It is tougher when you allow your issues with her to push you to act out.

Do yourself a favor and read Hold Me Tight by Sue Johnson. Might give you much needed insight about what you’re feeling vis-a-vis your wife and your relationship.

Just reaching a certain level of understanding about the emotional attachment dynamics that are playing out between you can provide tremendous relief, and what you learn can serve as a springboard for incredibly emotionally satisfying conversations that can propel the richness and tone of your relationship to a whole deeper level.

parev wrote on 29 Jun 2024 21:02:

Reb Parev, that's a rough place to be in. One of your options is to try and do the right thing, even though you are suffering from it (at least in the short term). The other option is to do a wrong thing, perhaps have short term distraction, and then be back to the same place or worse CV. 

If you are sexually lonely, then that is something that you can only work on for yourself at home. Connecting with other women emotionally is just a means to an end of wanting to get physical. NONE of these women can provide real intimacy, so it will never end up giving you what you seek.

If you are emotionally lonely, then why does it have to be women? Can you find a cause and a chevra that (can't ever take the place of your wife, but) might help you feel a sense of positive accomplishment and belonging? Guilt free. 

Hatzlacha 

frank.lee wrote on 29 Jun 2024 21:58:

Your post would have been more apropiate as a PM

My password to gye is saved on my laptop - not my smartphone
I am not looking for sex with other women, 'just' frienship

parev wrote on 30 Jun 2024 04:55:

I can relate to that tingling feeling of empathy and validation that comes from chumming it up with a member of the opposite sex. Although for me personally, it tends to tingle mostly “down there”, (and a little “up there” too.) 

Just saying hello

lets not mince words
went to a prostitute 
feel horrible and guilty
gave smartphone to a friend
told GF that may break up with her
spoke to my sponsor whos been very helpful and understanding
feellike im shleping 1000 tonne of guilt
cant loook my wife in the eye
cant look at my chavrusa in the eye
its rough

parev wrote on 01 Jul 2024 16:43:

Oish... rough, tough...

One thing you should feel good about is; Your being "Honest", which, i can imagine, aint easy.. May hashem help you get over this

Can you pinpoint what went wrong this time so you can avoid this in the future? There is an idea that you should fight the easy fight, meaning it is much easier to just not go to the areas where you can find trouble, than to say no when you are already engaging with her.

Why do you feel so guilty now as opposed to previously? Is that a good sign, that you are in recovery and were doing well? Or do you somehow feel that this fall was worse?

parev wrote on 01 Jul 2024 16:43:

If I remember correctly, you mentioned that you spoke to Rabbi Berkowitz about this way back when.  Did you consider going to talk to him again?

parev wrote on 01 Jul 2024 16:43:

If you have a decent sponsor, continue. If not, or perhaps even if yes, please send me an email. We can then, if you'd like, make up a time to talk. 
thenewme613@hotmail.com 
(I might need to remember to look there, so don't expect a lightnin'-quick response.)

I am super flattered that President Cordnoy posted on my thread
It definitely takes away some of the pain of having acted out!!

The therapist clarified what I am missing emotionally at home and how to enlighten and educate my wife about it.
I am now willing to try my best in SA, do whatever else it takes to stay sober and connected, draw on any resource possible to stay upbeat, and take the steps necessary to encourage my wife to notice and supply my emotional needs.

I will break up with my GF IYH

parev wrote on 02 Jul 2024 12:49:

so it seems its the WIFE. 
its a good idea reach out to cordnoy asap
good luck! and הצלחה רבה.

Sounds great!

About breaking up with your GF, sounds like a great idea! When you add IYH, I think we can safely say that Hashem wants that too. And now would be  a great time for that! Hatzlacha on this very challenging event!! (edited)

What is your next step?