C'mon Rage - you should know me better than THAT!

My point isn't that she wouldn't like it. The question is WHY - and why you would feel uncomfortable about her knowing. And then considering whether or not those reasons are valid - and based on that, whether it's right for you.

Although come to think of it, maybe doing it just because your wife would be happy IS a good enough reason (Am I learning from Dov?)

There are many good points being brought up here.
My personal realization was that it was not about the girl as much.It was about how I felt while being with her.
I realized that my favorite part of being with her was when we lay in bed afterwards.

It was not as much about the sex,but rather about the feeling of security and freedom I felt afterwards when walking with her.The sky was brighter,the leaves were more colorful,etc...

So I don't know if I should hate myself for wanting her badly still...

I have a need.
She filled that need.
It was unhealthy.
But I can try accepting this need that I have.And not be ashamed of it.

Stay strong one,and every else here.

I definitely hear you, Uri. For me, it wasn't just lying in bed - it was even talking to her on the phone. I currently have a book that she gave me as a goodbye present on one of our goodbyes in the past (I'm already planning on getting rid of it), and I was reading the letter she wrote in the front page. Even that made me feel incredibly special.

I don't think you should hate yourself for your feelings...but realize that the desire for her isn't something you want to follow. It won't make you into the you that you want to become. But I'm sure you know that already  :D

The need that you have to be wanted is natural - for everyone, and more so for us. It's valid. What we do with it, is our choice.

Rage, you should change those passwords for no ones sake but your own.
The constant subtle reminder brings you nothing but sadness.
Until you can let her go, you are still as trapped as if to p*rn


Been there, done that.
Couldnt get over my first boyfriend. We met when I was 11, dated till I was 16, and I never let go till a few years ago. All I accomplished was long term pain.
I now realize he was a gift from Hashem at a difficult stage of life, and was my rope to sanity and security, as I changed continents, cultures and left all the familiar behind.
I finally realized I wasnt 'in love' with him , but rather, the emotions he evoked - warmth, security etc etc.
My mistake was holding on to the rope longer than needed, and almost hanging myself with it.
Finally, I am free.

Theone,SB right about listening to music when going to sleep. Although according to the halacha ones not supposed to that, i just find that so many times it saved me from sin. Concerning listening to a shiur, it shouldn't be too involving, otherwise you just stay awake listening till the end, and then what. It's funny, but it really helps, the yh doesn't want you to listen to it, so he makes you fall asleep!

ill try that bli neder next time. what about shabbos?

Exactly, LM!

On shabbos...I used to review gemara in my head ( actually I used to do that during the week, too) - you can learn whatever things interest you - and I'd basically say to the Y'H - "your call - either help me fall asleep, or I'll just stay up and learn!  :D

Plus, I'm winning either way, cuz even if it takes me a bit longer to fall asleep, I'm doing something worthwhile!

theOne wrote on 02 Jan 2010 20:04:
Do you like to read?? Try books.

or kosher magazines and newspapers....

Or anything the YH doesnt like. He would rather help you sleep than see you do something like tehillim, listening to a shiur, reading some sefer etc.

7Up wrote on 04 Jan 2010 10:25:
Nah that wouldnt work. Cuz she'll feel too frum. :D :D :D :D :D

Frum is not a dirty word you know!

It's got 4 letters...

:D :D :D

silentbattle wrote on 04 Jan 2010 13:08:

lol