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URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!!
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A platform of recovery for Jews who find themselves struggling with addictions to pornography, masturbation or other sexual problems. Post anonymously about your struggles without fear of anyone finding out who you are. Ask questions, post answers and be inspired! Get tips and guidance from the experts who moderate this forum, as well as from fellow strugglers.
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TOPIC: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 2073 Views

URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 24 Feb 2009 14:47 #3229

  • battleworn
My teenage son, who has been out of yeshiva for more than a year and already has a lot of garbage on his mp3 player, is about to buy himself a new sophisticated cellphone. It may be, that the main reason that he wants to get it is because he thinks it's what makes him "chashuv". But he definitely has no idea at all what he is getting himself in to. I was planning on having a talk with him, as we do have a very good relationship, but lema'aseh he is a teenager and that means that parent's words don't carry much weight.

I beg of every single one of you: Please try to write something to my son. Tell him what it means to get addicted. Tell him what you would give to be able to turn the clock back... Tell him what what gehinom on this world he can avoid, if he uses his seichel now................ Tell him anything that you think might help.

He can't read English, but I can read it to him. If you can write in Hebrew, of course that would be much better. 

LO SA'AMOD AL DAM REI'ECHA!!!

Thank you very much!!!
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 24 Feb 2009 16:48 #3232

  • Mevakesh Hashem
Dear son,

You are a pure Neshama. You are a son of Hashem and He loves you dearly.

The Yetzer Hara has his eveil eyes on you. He will make the eveil world out there seem so important, fun and pleasureable.

He will tell you that  a little push of a button, a little peak at some "harmless" fun content, a little secret pleasure is ok. Believe me, once he traps you, you will have hell to get out of his eveil grip.

Dont fall for his garbage. Cling to Hashem and His holy Torah. Listen to your father who wants what is truy best for you.

Stay away from all the evils that technology of today may offer, as once you fall in, you will regret it.

Trust me, as I have been where you are nw. I didnt choose wisely and I am working triple as hard to get back where I should be.

Heed our words, as we love you.

Chazak V'Ematz!

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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 24 Feb 2009 20:39 #3238

  • the.guard
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Dear Battleworn, I feel for you. It is not easy.

Here is a beautiful article that can give you some insights in how to deal with your son perhaps.

You can also contact Rabbi Horowitz for advice on these things. His site has info on how to reach him, as well as MANY GREAT ARTICLES that deal with these type of questions and issues. See his site over here: www.rabbihorowitz.com/

Also... there was a poster going around in the U.S that might help your son understand why you are scared that he gets such devices. You can see the poster here. It reads as follows:

Dearest Abba and Mommy,

Just wanted to thank you for the iPod touch you got me for my birthday. It’s the coolest thing! Seriously. I use it all the time to access the most disgusting stuff in the world! You would like totally faint if you knew. Anyway, OMG! It’s like the sickest thing ever. And the internet is WAY fast. It only takes me a few seconds to download the WORST videos and photos imaginable. I can literally get anything I want and talk to anyone I want. Bet you had no idea when you bought it. That’s too bad, cuz, you know, I was just an innocent 7th grader full of potential. You probably had high hopes for me - sorry, but that’s history now. I don’t really care much about learning - or anything else - anymore and I’ll probably drop out of school pretty soon. So long and thanks for ruining me. You rule!

Love, Chaim (a.k.a. “tank”)


One last idea. Would you consider talking to your son about your own journey? This might be very inspiring to him, and save him having to forge his own path.
Webmaster of www.guardyoureyes.org - Maintaining Moral Purity in Today's World. We’re here on a quest ; it’s really all a test. Just do your best and G-d will do the rest.
Last Edit: 24 Feb 2009 21:45 by .

Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 24 Feb 2009 21:19 #3241

  • Someone
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For me:
To be addicted means to be afraid to do anything. It means missing out on so many things I could have otherwise done. It means ruining your self-confidence. It feels like you are in a black pit just sinking and sinking and sinking. It is like walking up on a rope, a rope that wobbles all the time, goes up at a steep-angle and the only thing you can use is one of your feet.

Moreover it has severed relations with my family, has impacted on the social life with friends and has maybe worst of all locked doors to someone I really (mentally) liked. The only one I can blame is essentially myself...

DO NOT GO DOWN THE SAME HELL

Sorry for ranting and painting such a bleak picture - thats the way I see this addiction.
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 25 Feb 2009 16:02 #3279

  • me
לכבוד הבחור החשוב

  תדע שגם לי יש בחורים ב"ה, וכאשר  האבא
שלך יגיד שהוא מאד אוהב אותך,תדע שהוא לא אומר את זה סתם. אל תחשוב לרגע שהאבא שלך לא מבין אותך,שהוא לא מבין את הראש וגם את הלב שלך

הוא כן מבין. גם הוא היה פעם בחור חשוב כמוך. ובגלל שהוא כן מבין, הוא כל כך דואג אליך.
לא סתם דאגות. דאגות רציניות בגלל שהוא יודע מה יכול לקרוא ליהודי טהור. יהודי טהור שיכול בקלות לנפול בידי היצר הרע. והיהודי הטהור הזה...הוא אתה!!! והקדוש ברוך הוא נתן לך את האבא החשוב הזה כדי לעזור ולשמור אליך.

כן בחור החשוב. יהיה בלב שלך איזה קול. מכירים אנחנו את הקול הזה שאומר לך
מה,אני יכול לשמור על עצמי

אוי לנו כששומעים את הקול הזה. זה בכלל לא הקול שלנו, אלא של השר המוות

עכשיו הבן שלי. הוא בן 18. הוא יודע כמה אני אוהב אותו. ואני יודע שגם הוא אוהב אותי.

הוא אמר לי שהוא ממש שונא מוסר. לכן, יכוליות שגם אתה שונא מוסר. אבל האבא שלך וגם אני, בגלל שעברנו על מה שעברנו, אוהבים מוסר. צריכים מוסר,מחפשים מוסר. למה? בגלל
שעברנו על מה שעברנו.

הלואי כשהייתי בחור כמוך, היה לי אבא כמו האבא שלך.

אנחנו יודעים שאתה רוצה להיות גבר. להיות אחראי על עצמך. אבל באמת מה זה להיות גבר אמתי? זה מישהו שהוא כן אחראי על עצמו. זאת אומרת שהוא רוצה לשמור ולהגן על עצמו. שהוא מוכן ויודע איך לעשות את הכל כדי לשמור על אצמו....לא רק על הגוף שלו....הנשמה שלו. זה הנשמה שלך

גבר, זה להיות גיבור

אל תבזבז את המתנה הזאת היא שהקדוש ב"ה נתן לך.....אני מדבר על האבא שלך.  תדבר
איתו. תפתח את הלב שלך ותגיד לו את הכל. אל תפחד  מימנו

בגלל זה הוא האבא שלך!!! חזק


Last Edit: 25 Feb 2009 17:21 by .

Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 25 Feb 2009 16:21 #3283

  • mdmjerusalem
Well addiction to me meant missing out the best part of my life
If your stupid enough to follow go ahead, maybe your story will be a better (worse) example to keep the next generation away from this garbage
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 25 Feb 2009 16:40 #3285

  • gettinghelp
In short,we are all capable of so much more than we can possibly see or realize.When we struggle and give up something we hold dear but in is actually is destructive,the rewards are amazing.As the saying goes, NO PAIN NO GAIN>AHHHH but the gain is soooo worth it!!!!!
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 25 Feb 2009 18:35 #3293

  • eme
I speak from experience. A phone like that will harm you. Its definitely "cool" and fun to have. However if you care about your neshama -which I know you do- then you would never walk around with this in your hand. Its something you really can live without.
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 25 Feb 2009 18:49 #3295

  • Shomer
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Dear Bachur,

All these sophisticated gadgets and phones must seem very exciting and attractive.  Technology is very interesting and it is natural to want to be part of the digital revolution.  Remember, however, my dear friend that Shlomo Ha'Melech who was the chacham m'kol adom said that ain kol chadush tachas ha'shemesh.  What does it mean that there is nothing new?  The Internet is new, mp3's are new, streaming video is new social media is new etc. etc.  The obvious answer to me is that they are not new at all at the shoresh.  The y"h is very experienced at packaging his old rotten schora in new lavushim.  The end result, however, is always the same.  The y"h wants to rob us of our shnai olmos.  

I do not need to elaborate any more on the raos and pain that unmitigated access to the Internet (including the mobile Internet) can cause.  All of us here have suffered as a consequence of our bad decisions.  You, however, are young and can bear the fruits of a life guided by choices well made (even if you have made some bad ones already).

Dear bochur, I beg and implore you ... listen to your father.  He only wants what is good for you in this world and has no other interests other than tovascha.

The phones seems new and exciting now, but it can chas v'shalom lead to very negative things down the road.

By choosing to forgo this temporal excitement, you will be making a powerful and bold statement to Hashem that you want to do the right things in your life.  In this zechus Hashem will surely grant you much bracha & hatzlacha in all that you do.
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 26 Feb 2009 03:42 #3324

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Dear Son,

Please don't let your father go through so much aggravation. Even if he would be entirely wrong, is that what you want? To cause him so much aggravation --- for ---- a ---- phone?!

Now, your choshuva father is definitely doing his job of being a responsible parent in discouraging you from using such a phone. It is very easy to get involved with the low life that is accessible on these things. That is bad enough, even if it happens only occasionally. But, many of the BEST OF THE BEST have gone further and actually  become addicted to visiting these places in hell. You do not want to go there. Believe me. I did not personally do that myself, but unfortunately did other things related to that, and can warn you from personal experience that this type of thing, which will go unspelled out for now, is extremely tempting and can become addictive before very long. Even without becoming addicted, why play with fire?

Let me ask you something. Would you play around with a huge flame? Do you put out the havdoloh candle with your hands??? Without coating them first!

Esnachtoh
Last Edit: 02 Mar 2009 01:57 by .

Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 26 Feb 2009 14:04 #3340

  • jack
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dearest bachur, dont get involved in anything that can lead to an addiction! smoking, drugs, alcohol, pornography, or anything that can lead to an addiction! you will suffer later! anything that pleases the senses can start an addiction.once you get hooked, it's exceedingly difficult to creep out of it.any addiction leads to suffering later in life. believe me, i am older than you.my past is your future - i've been there.you have to believe me on this one.trust me - i'm not telling you anything bad for you.it might be difficult, but it's not BAD. hatzlacha! jack
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 01 Mar 2009 13:42 #3408

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battleworn, I sent you a PM a few days ago but I haven't heard back from you. Please let me know if it was adequate.
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 01 Mar 2009 18:58 #3421

I remember what it was like being a teenager, and what can begin as mere curiosity can quickly lead to a deeply ingrained addiciton. It's so easy to become addicted but BELIEVE ME, it's much more difficult to break free and escape once you've allowed yourself to become enslaved to lust or any other bad habit.

I just wish my dad had sat me down and told me of the dangers that young men face nowadays like masturbation when I was growing up- it would have made such a difference to my life and I could have avoided so much unecessary suffering.

You are in a privileged position in that you have a father who not only knows of these evils but is so concerned to protect you from them. Please listen to his thoughtful and kind advice- he only has your best interests at heart, even if it doesn't seem that way at the time.     
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 02 Mar 2009 01:23 #3430

  • Binyomin5766
I, too, remember what it was like being a teenager.  I was lonely and isolated.  By acting out I thought I was giving myself relief from the loneliness.  It quickly became evident, though, that the attempt to fill the emptiness by acting out only served to accentuate the emptiness.  A moment of pleasure that quickly passed and was gone.  Yet the yearning to be full drove me to seek more empty pleasures.  It has taken me many long years to get myself onto the path of recovery.  Don't let yourself be deceived, seek for the things that are really fulfilling, not the things that satisfy only a moment and are gone.  It may take longer to be satisfied that way, but the effects are real and they last.  Invest yourself in good friendships and growing closer to Hashem; these are the things that will last beyond a mere intense moment.
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Re: URGENT PLEA TO ALL MEMBERS!!!!! 04 Mar 2009 13:42 #3528

  • battleworn
Today (Hashem has arranged that it should be the same day as Rabeinu's son's bris) is a crucial day for davening for my son. Tonight we have an appointment that has the potential to save his life. I beg you -every single one of you- please daven for him, with as much "heart" as you could, that tonight's meeting should happen and should have tremendous hatzlochoh. Thank you very much, for your help!

I want to thank -from the bottom of my heart, all those who have posted here. I have not yet had the opportunity to show it to him, but I'm sure it will help when I do.

To all those who have not yet posted here, my request still stands. If you can post some "Divorim ha'yotzim min halev" it can go a long way in helping to save a yiddishe neshomoh. Thank you very much, for your help!
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