Help!!!

I feel like I'm about to fall.

This positive thinking has been working great.  I've been staying away from depressing thoughts and even boosting up the positive.  And this has helped me overcome quite a few challenges.

BUT today this feeling came up--just like an ITCH.  I feel an itching for lust, and itching to act out.  It feels like this real physical sensation.

THIS ONE didn't result from days of depression, and it doesn't seem to be accompanied by any negative thoughts.

It's just this itchy sensation.

I've tried boosting up more positive thoughts.  I've tried saying "G-d take this feeling for lust away from me!  I'm powerless against it!"

But, no matter what, this itchy feeling is just sticking around.

HELP!!!

This itch that you feel is the addiction. No matter what your thinking even if its positive even if its not bad thoughts the adiction is still there. So realize its your addiction talking to you and not yourself. Try doing something physically strenuous. maybe go for a walk. I know its cold and windy out there but it will help your body relieve the itch. keep on posting here just try and keep yourself busy untill the itch goes away. It wont be easy because this is not something you brought upon yourself. Its something that our addictive nature brings on us. So its gonna last awhile. Its like the guy wwho quit smokin but suddenly has a nicotine attack. So keep on fighting youll make it. And its only gonna get easier from here.

Once again Imtrying has stolen my words!

I PMed the exact same advice!

Try combine some of the options too;
Print out the GYE handbook, head to a coffee shop with it, and relax in a public place, reading.
For obvious reasons, i recommend making sure there is a blank cover on the outer page!

Were here for you...

First of all, Baruch Hashem, I'm doing much better now...

What frightened me so much is this itchy feeling attacked me while I was in the Beis Midrash in the middle of morning seder!  In the middle of Gemara!

If I'm not safe there, then where can I be safe!

I thank everyone for your speedy replies, especially the PMs.

I didn't fall!  Baruch Hashem.

This is the first time I had some major insights FROM A CLOSE CALL, instead of FROM A FALL.

First of all, I used this forum in a way I never have before.  I was desparate so I sent out distress PMs to some familiar names and Avatars.  I've felt sort of impersonal just posting and reading posts.  I feel a bit more part of the family now.

I also sent in my questionairre for a phone sponsor.

The responses I got were basically to go for a walk or go for some coffee.  I couldn't go anywhere.  I was at home with just my 2 year old daughter, who was taking a nap, and my 8 year old son was due home in about a half hour.

I did change the atmosphere, though.  I relaxed with some music, which I haven't really done in years.

I dropped my plans to work today.  I'm translating this really frustrating booklet.  In this mood, it would just bog me down.

I am generally a determined kinda' guy.  I tend to set goals for myself and then run myself frantic to keep up with them.  I have set some rather ambitions learning goals about a week ago.  I was suspicious already a couple of days ago that it would end up being counter-productive.  I have decided to reduce them, relax a little bit about it, and to find something refreshing to learn some of the time.

I told my wife to get a babysitter for this evening and we should go for a walk together.

I feel like an onion, peeling away more and more layers.  I just noticed this depressed feeling that drags me down until I fall.  I've managed to avoid it.

Today I was bothered because I couldn't figure out WHAT was causing my attack.

I think that there is a subtle (or maybe not so subtle) undercurrent of TENSION in my life.  I wasn't so aware of it, because it felt like ACCOMPLISHMENT instead.

I wondered why was listening to music able to ward off the yeitzer.

I think I needed to chill.

I think I need to chill.

Thankyou everyone for your responses.

You kept me from falling!

Baruch Hashem.

Eye.nonymous wrote on 18 Nov 2009 20:34:


Which would not be the case had you given in!  Boruch Hashem!

I've been clean for quite a long time (158 days).  I've had lots of major realizations along the way.  More or less, I feel that lust is at a distance from me.  Not a safe distance, but what I mean is that I am usually aware of the feelings of unrest that precede the lust.  It was usually the days or weeks of brooding about something that led to acting out.

Last night I came dangerously close to acting out.  The feeling came without warning.  I tried calling out to Hashem.  I tried to "Let go and let G-d."  I tried to tell myself "Just stay clean one more day; one more minute."  I tried to promise myself that I can act out tomorrow if I stay clean today.

But the urge did not go away so fast.  It was HOURS before it was gone.  And I'm not sure the feeling really left, I just fell asleep before anything happened.  And I'm afraid the feeling is still lurking around.

HELP!

  --Eye.

Please don't do it. 158 days man!
Go for a walk. Take a cold shower. Say Tehillim. Learn a sugya of Gemora. Buy chametz for your family.
Don't think about the itch. Just go out and do something else.

Thanks MOMO.

I think I'm okay now.

I'll probably put the details in my main thread--Eye.nonymous official count.